tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-296592172024-03-13T12:18:27.911-04:00Everything happens for a reasonwithin reason of course but I have to believe that all of this and all that I've experienced in my life to date has been for a reasonMalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.comBlogger419125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-34524515227975970542013-06-05T14:44:00.000-04:002013-06-05T14:44:11.746-04:00We made it! Another notch in our belts on this long road to becoming parents.As with most of the blogs I follow/followed in the past around fertility/infertility it has been a very long time since I've update this one. So long in fact that I'm less then 10 weeks away from my due date. A due date... I'm finally pregnant and all the time I spent worrying about become pregnant feels like such a very long time ago. Not to say I've forgotten... when someone new finds out we're expecting or just talking about it with an acquaintance I feel the need to tell them this baby was 5 years in the making. As though I'm somehow justifying that I've earned this reward but also to make sure that if that person has experienced infertility they will not feel the pain of one more pregnant woman in the path of their day if they're feeling particularly vulnerable. I haven't posted anything to facebook... my family, extended family and friends do know already. I even turned off the ability to comment on my wall just so someone doesn't out me. I'd like to share the happy news with all those on facebook after baby arrives. When I can share a picture and a few details.... that's when it'll go on facebook.<br />
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So overall the last 30 weeks have been pretty great. No major morning sickness issues. We heard baby's heart beat at 6 weeks 3 days on Dec. 21... there could not have been a more beautiful Christmas gift for us. We anxiously waited for the 3 month mark to share the news with family. Then we decided we better get our honeymoon in (7 years late!) and headed to Mexico the end of March. Then suddenly it was the end of April and my sister, BIL, 3 year old nephew and mother where all here to visit. My sister hosted a baby shower while she was here and one of my gf decorated which was so sweet but I have to tell you I'm happy it's over simply because it was weird to be the center of attention in that way. And then in May I suddenly really looked pregnant.. I was worried that maybe I wouldn't have the round pregnant belly I had imagined but here it is... so surprised by how long it took for it to really round out. lol And now I'm starting to get some of those 3rd trimester discomforts but really I have nothing to complain about.. I'm still sleeping well (that is when I'm not peeing), I'm self-employed so when I want to work from bed or the couch I can and I've somehow managed to just relax and enjoy being pregnant. No anxiety or what if's, no scares or concerns for this growing babe. I've loved having midwifery care. As much as I feel my body has failed me in the past I always believed that I would get pregnant, that I would become a mom and so now I will let go and trust that everything will unfold as it needs to.<br />
<br />
How did we get here? 2012 looked like this<br />- February, start doing Crossfit <br />- May, Lap surgery (endo removed from left side, 1 simple cyst drained from right ovary)<br />- Onto Cycle monitoring<br />- June, Metformin started..<br />
- Stopped crossfit in August (really felt that the stress of crossfit - my own mindset/anxieties likely - was probably building too much stress in my body)<br />
- October cycle we used femera and tried on our own<br />
- November cycle we used femera again but also cycle monitoring and an IUI and here we are today.. due August 13th, 2013.<br />
<br />
The day before I took a pregnancy test my gf took amazing pictures of my husband and I (which was our Christmas gift to family). She commented on just how in love we looked, how my eyes sparkled when he would kiss me. That night I dreamt that I forgot to take a pregnancy test that morning and was disappointed to have to wait another day... but thankfully it was only a dream and I peed on a stick at 5:30am (husband says it was 4:30am) and woke up my husband... "there's another line!.... look another line!" it was Sunday morning. Monday I went straight to the fertility clinic for a beta.. it was 44.3 (DPO 13) then Wednesday another beta and it was 153 and then a week later and it was 2400 something... we could breath a little easier.. it was looking good. :-) Then the ultrasound at 6 weeks 3 days and a heart beat!!!!.... we where in love with our peanut. We don't know what we're having. We are just loving this journey... we are being protective of our little family and really trying to keep weekends lazy and slow and for just us when we wait for baby to arrive :-) <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Peanut - 6 weeks 3 days</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Relaxing in Mexico</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby let's us know it's all good at 21 weeks as he/she <br />gives us a peace sign at our ultrasound :-) </td></tr>
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<br />Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-2706974901774585832012-07-24T08:00:00.000-04:002012-07-24T08:00:19.136-04:00Daytona TuesdayJust cause it's been so long since I've posted a picture of our furry kid... that nose... resting on my husband's seat as we head out on another camping trip. <br />
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All cleaned up after a trip to the doggie spa.</div>
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<br />Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-39233472043776952572012-07-23T10:57:00.003-04:002012-07-23T10:58:41.156-04:00My hopes for 2011 - revisted<h2 class="title">
My Hopes for 2011 (<span style="color: purple;">revisited</span>... did I do what I said I would?)</h2>
<div class="widget-content">
- start eating and moving as though I am actually pregnant... I need
to step away from the desk more often then I do and respect my time to
be quiet and peaceful.<br />
<div style="color: purple;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<b style="color: purple;">I don't think I really started doing this until Winter 2012... although my girlfriends would probably tell you that in some way I was always doing something but I just feel more successful let's say at doing this part as of this year. </b><br />
<br />
- purchase another lens to add to my equipment in 2011<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: purple;">...hmmmm don't remember... I did get a lens and I think it was in 2011 </span></b><br />
<br />
-
network, network, network... keep building my business and make
connections with people I can employ/subcontract to to ease the work
load for when I need to take time away from my business when our baby
finally decides to make their grand entrance into our lives.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: purple;">...well I joined a networking group in April 2011... so check that off the list. </span></b><br />
<br />
-
photography workshop - the flight is already booked I just need to pay
for the workshop next and I'm laughing... I can't wait to take off from
my routine and meet some new and exciting photographers the end of
August. And of course spend time with my "big sister" relaxing....
workshop is 3 days then I'll have another 7 to chill and process the
info from the workshop too :-)<br />
<br />
<b style="color: purple;">... this was a great trip. I didn't end up doing the workshop but had an amazing time with my "big sister"... I'm heading to see her again in less then 3 weeks</b><br />
<br />
- build up business enough so
we don't have to rent the student apartment in our basement come
Sept.... I want to move my office into that room making it easier to
meet with clients without having them walk through my home and worrying
about how clean the kitchen is... ya know what I mean?<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: purple;">CHECK! Couldn't find a student renter in Sept. 2011 so another coat of pain and I'm not set up in the space and can see clients here... just wish it was big enough for photo shoots but whatever. </span></b><br />
<br />
- continued work with Daytona so we can walk past a dog without him mouthing off<br />
<br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: purple;">Nope! Still mouthy </b><br />
<br />
-
have fun! take time out to enjoy my amazing husband... we have some
little getaways and overnights planned for the summer, some camping etc
so I'm looking forward to working on just being present and enjoying
being able to do these things with him. We celebrated 5 years married
this month and I think I fell in love with him even more that night. He
means so much to me!<br />
and of course....<br />
<br />
<b style="color: purple;">6 years married and thankful I have him by my side and encouraging me along the way in all areas of our lives and careers. Biggest "holy crap!" for me/us this spring was him switching to the 6:30am class at crossfit (when I go) and us being able to work out together. I NEVER would have imagined I'd be in this place. We go together the first 3 mornings of the week for 6:30am</b><br />
<br />
- baby, baby, baby... I just want to be pregnant and soon<br />
<br />
<div style="color: purple;">
<b>... well as always a work in progress but feeling closer then ever with all the things we/I'm doing to get there...</b></div>
<div style="color: purple;">
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<div style="color: purple;">
<b>2 posts in 1 day... look at me! lol.. I must be procrastinating on work.... lol </b></div>
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</div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-52164692257671034212012-07-23T10:37:00.000-04:002012-07-23T10:37:49.227-04:00An update - July 23, 2012yup, been a very long time since I've updated (over a year.. how did that happen?)... but truth is until the last couple of months we've just been at a stand still... trying on our own with no success. <br />
<br />
So here it is... not pregnant yet<br />
<br />
Early May I had the laposcopy surgery... dr cleaned up endo from my left side and drained a simple cyst from my right ovary. Took me 4 weeks to get back to crossfit but that was probably more mental then anything else. I took a pretty hard blow from someone close to me telling me how to become pregnant... yes you read that right. So it still plays on me mentally here and there. Ok so lap done and cleaned up and ready to go... cycle monitoring with the fertility clinic.. At this point I had also lost 25lbs since the end of January! woohooo!<br />
<br />
1st cycle after lap - same as always.. and ridiculous pain with that period... holy crap!<br />
<br />
2nd cycle after lap - see dr something like the day I started my period. He doesn't outright say you have PCOS but it's certainly looking like that... I'm on metformin. Holy crap! I ovulate CD 13/14... my norm was always 18/19 so obviously my body is liking even this tiny dose of metformin. But my luteal phase falls short and I only make it to CD 25 before period starts again. Bummer!<br />
<br />
3rd cycle after lap - today is CD 8.. did bloodwork already on CD 5 and everything was fine. I didn't feel like adding to the ultrasound techs Saturday morning line up of TTC ladies so I'm waiting till CD 10 to check on my follicles. And will probably have to go CD 13 and then CD 16 to make sure the biggest one is gone (and we're going camping this weekend... oy! Not exactly prime location for baby making). We're just doing timed intercourse at this point and continuing to monitor my cycle so we know we're hitting the exact right time of the month.. what a load of worry that takes off :-) ... My husband has a big course in September and will be gone for 2 weeks... so after that we'll be diving into cycle monitoring and IUIs with each cycle to hopefully speed things up if we're still trying. This cycle I've added vitex to my supplement routine and I think the RN at the clinic might also give me a progesterone shot depending on how blood work pans out. I like knowing that we're going to tweak something each month... I feel a little less like I'm just beating my head against the wall... you know? gotta get the luteal phase to hold on a few more days just in case this is what's causing me not to make it to the 28-30 day mark and possibly loosing a pregnancy.. I'm not spending time thinking about that though. I'll keep looking ahead and focus on one day, week, month, cycle at a time.<br />
<br />
So I'm really hoping that this blog won't be sitting dormant with nothing to share for another year... my fingers are crossed that we're almost there! :-) I'm trying very hard not to take my foot off the gas until we get there.Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-79377733066046955172011-06-22T11:54:00.000-04:002011-06-22T11:54:07.976-04:00When do you give up?Another month of disappointment. When do you give up? How many more times do we try when all we know is disappointment 27-32 days at a time....<br />
<br />
I'm tired... but like any other month myself & my husband will pick ourselves up out of this funk and carry on... cause the idea of missing another opportunity now matter how badly the odds are stacked against us is better then giving up all together. But seriously... can we just once finally have a happy ending... just once is all I'm asking for.Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-91588962591887499132011-06-14T05:24:00.001-04:002011-06-14T05:24:00.338-04:00Daytona Tuesday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KbE6Nb1KlJI/TeVAwIXaTEI/AAAAAAAAA-M/3h6PMUozbME/s1600/IMG_4569.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KbE6Nb1KlJI/TeVAwIXaTEI/AAAAAAAAA-M/3h6PMUozbME/s320/IMG_4569.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"></div><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">That's quite the stretch there Daytona...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-55060784143035604742011-06-07T06:22:00.002-04:002011-06-07T06:22:01.082-04:00Daytona Tuesday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jiVOW76Gxz0/TeVADDk1wEI/AAAAAAAAA-I/NRy0Cj2ZnaA/s1600/IMG_4434.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jiVOW76Gxz0/TeVADDk1wEI/AAAAAAAAA-I/NRy0Cj2ZnaA/s320/IMG_4434.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;">Bed Dog...</div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-39736935526244443812011-06-02T04:26:00.000-04:002011-06-02T04:26:00.148-04:00Me (1982)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qO4lKb0JVuQ/TeVA_FBiPWI/AAAAAAAAA-Q/x_5kAmchxOM/s1600/IMG_4942.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qO4lKb0JVuQ/TeVA_FBiPWI/AAAAAAAAA-Q/x_5kAmchxOM/s320/IMG_4942.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"></div><br />
This was in my Nanny's livingroom... she's in a nursing home now and the house has been divided up, cleaned up and sold.Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-49582019150786673432011-06-01T06:19:00.001-04:002011-06-01T06:19:00.197-04:00Daytona Tuesday (belated)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nU9e66HFiPs/TeU_eSSu8ZI/AAAAAAAAA-E/zKY2oaY0yAs/s1600/IMG_4944.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nU9e66HFiPs/TeU_eSSu8ZI/AAAAAAAAA-E/zKY2oaY0yAs/s320/IMG_4944.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">It's too hot most days now but he loves to go in the truck with us... sorry dude... gonna have to wait awhile before you can run errands with me all day. </div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-20453827007865413562011-05-31T15:15:00.000-04:002011-05-31T15:15:05.702-04:00My hopes for 2011.. what's left of it- start eating and moving as though I am actually pregnant... I need to step away from the desk more often then I do and respect my time to be quiet and peaceful. <br />
<br />
- purchase another lens to add to my equipment in 2011<br />
<br />
- network, network, network... keep building my business and make connections with people I can employ/subcontract to to ease the work load for when I need to take time away from my business when our baby finally decides to make their grand entrance into our lives.<br />
<br />
- photography workshop - the flight is already booked I just need to pay for the workshop next and I'm laughing... I can't wait to take off from my routine and meet some new and exciting photographers the end of August. And of course spend time with my "big sister" relaxing.... workshop is 3 days then I'll have another 7 to chill and process the info from the workshop too :-) <br />
<br />
- build up business enough so we don't have to rent the student apartment in our basement come Sept.... I want to move my office into that room making it easier to meet with clients without having them walk through my home and worrying about how clean the kitchen is... ya know what I mean?<br />
<br />
- continued work with Daytona so we can walk past a dog without him mouthing off <br />
<br />
- have fun! take time out to enjoy my amazing husband... we have some little getaways and overnights planned for the summer, some camping etc so I'm looking forward to working on just being present and enjoying being able to do these things with him. We celebrated 5 years married this month and I think I fell in love with him even more that night. He means so much to me! <br />
<br />
and of course....<br />
<br />
- baby, baby, baby... I just want to be pregnant and soonMalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-9002424894080759702011-05-31T14:55:00.000-04:002011-05-31T14:55:55.549-04:00My hopes for 2010 (revisited)<span style="color: purple;">So obviously I didn't write something for early 2011 so let's just take a look at how 2010 wrapped up and then I'll create my new list for what is left of 2011</span><br />
<br />
... continue with my weekly small business meeting with 3 other women as we support each other to grow our business and tackle this list of things we always want and mean to do but never seem to get to. Putting the procrastination book and fast track phototog book on the list of tasks with this group so they'll keep me accountable<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;">~ this is always evolving but so far two of us are always checking in with each other and we've since added a new friend to the team... it feels so great to have girlfriends I can let my guard down with</span><br />
<br />
... want to purchase a new camera body and at least 2 lens<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;">~ I got my Canon 5D Mark II a couple of months ago :-) and purchased those 2 lenses in 2010</span><br />
<br />
... I will keep up my yoga classes at the studio twice a week and a third class on Saturday morning whenever possible<span style="color: #cc33cc;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc33cc;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc33cc;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc33cc;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">~ yoga happens twice a week most of the time. I've put it in my calendar and schedule most of my meetings/appointments around yoga class</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc33cc;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc33cc;"><br />
</span> ... to honour the importance Daytona plays in our lives. He provides us so much comedic relief on a daily basis he deserves a good play or walk as much as possible. When I think about a maternity leave I think about not having to leave him all day<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;">~</span> <span style="color: purple;">we started some work with a new dog behaviourist and I'm happy to report that he no longer spends his time in the garage when we are not at home.. he's in the house.. chillin' on the couch or digging into his toy box of interesting toys he only gets when we are not home. We also give him biocalm about an hour before we leave. No more destructo dog! :-) </span><br />
<br />
... emotional eating... continue taking steps, however slowly, to make changes in my relationship with food<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;">~ baby steps... this is a difficult one for me and something I'm sure I'll have to work on my entire life.. right now I'm just trying to not beat myself up when I don't think I'm doing enough</span><br />
<br />
<br />
I see 2010 holding a big change in terms of my job... the company is a little shaky and I'm either going to find myself on mat leave by this time next year OR striking out on my own again with my small business. Ultimately this has always been the goal... the job was to get the mortgage and then a mat leave we just didn't think it would take this long to get pregnant... that said I can't help but believe that everything truly does happen for a reason. Now that I'm being more active in my business and making it grow again and taking control of the things that left me blind to how well my business was or wasn't doing (hello! bookkeeping done for 2009 already and not in april 2010!).<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;">~ well I did hit this one out of the park... left the job end of October and while things where a little slow in Jan/Feb. everything has been going really well and I have to manage my time carefully to ensure I stay on top of all my projects. </span>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-51602233953600444732011-02-03T00:20:00.000-05:002011-02-03T00:21:34.067-05:00FB retards and my Boozin' sisterAnybody else sick of this "I'm expecting snow" bullshit on facebook? Has your heart sunk as you think bitch she's pregnant again only to finish reading and it's about expecting snow?! Grrrr<br /><br />Seriously wish that more women could see beyond themselves and consider for just a moment how they're actions might effect others. <br /><br />I imagine my own facebook status to someday read....<br /><br />"...3 years, X months, more tears then one person could count in a lifetime, xx babies born to friends/family but never my own. Please forgive me if you are struggling with fertility but today it is my turn to tell everyone... I'm pregnant! And will from here on in subject you to ridiculous FB updates"<br /><br />FYI. I'm not pregnant... not yet anyways. I'm seriously considering just falling off facebook land once I am though. Some status updates are just ridiculous. <br /><br />Oh and here's a doozie or rather boozie... my sister. My nephew will be 1 this month and she'll be celebrating with a birthday party starting at 7pm with mention of munchies and to BYOB. Announced on FB. No mention of a "kid" related gathering that might be more appropriate for a 12 month old. WTF?!?<br /><br />Ok rant done. Bed. <br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-80955723247124764452011-01-17T17:45:00.000-05:002011-01-17T17:56:21.576-05:00Clairevoyants and TTCI started this post Dec. 21, 2010... oy!<br />
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Ok I'm going to just try and keep this brief since I'm not entirely sure anyone is still reading lol<br />
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I had a short 15 minute session with a clairvoyant before Christmas and I have got to tell you that it brought me so SO much peace. Now I realize this isn't for everyone but for me I value what she had to say because another friend of mine had a reading with her a very long time ago and was hold when she'd conceive and that she'd have a boy and then x number of months later a girl and well.... that's exactly what happening so I have to give this woman credit in that she obviously has a gift.<br />
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So what's the big news as far as conception goes for my DH and I... we'll conceive this year! YES YES YES! She might as well have told me I was pregnant I was so relieved and excited and relieved. Now she did tell me the 2 months it will likely happen by but I'm keeping those under wraps until I have something to share with everyone. Nothing like the stress of people asking if we're pregnant yet if they know the months too.. right?!<br />
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I've taken myself off the list for a lap (she told me we'd require no medical interventions, but did ask me if I'd been tested for acid within my uterus so I'm exploring what type of diet will bring this into check and even ordered some pH strips to pee on). I'm feeding my body better foods and I just feel so great knowing that our little one is going to be conceived this year. I didn't even ask what the sex of the baby would be... she also told me by the time our first was 14-16 months we will conceive our second and that I will be really REALLY excited. She also told me I'll never work for anyone every again (thank you!)<br />
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That's about it for now though. I've just been working hard within my business, remembering to take some down time as much as I can to keep the stress at bayMalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-33420312435697822922010-11-09T22:55:00.001-05:002010-11-09T22:55:40.348-05:00I did it!Ok I have thought about so many of you for the last few weeks wanting and needing to share with you that I did it! I resigned from my job... project leave my job 2010... DONE! Checked off the list! :-)<br /><br />This is my second week in f/t self employment land and I've been seriously rocking it. Everything is falling into place perfectly and the work just keeps on coming... photo shoots and web work too. <br /><br />I'm feeling so full of possibility on what the next few months will bring. I know I have more work to do on so many levels but oh my god ladies it feels so amazing to feel like 'me' once again. The person I was 5 1/2 years ago only smarter and more willing to do things that scare the crap out of me. <br /><br />Here I go! <br /><br />:-)<br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-58370674453818173042010-10-05T07:56:00.002-04:002010-10-05T07:56:00.857-04:00Daytona Tuesday<div style="text-align: center;">A long overdue Daytona Tuesday!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TKYu56acbyI/AAAAAAAAA7o/xShYITOtxZQ/s1600/daytona-tuesday-08-2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TKYu56acbyI/AAAAAAAAA7o/xShYITOtxZQ/s320/daytona-tuesday-08-2010.jpg" width="320" /><br />
</a></div><div style="text-align: center;">We left Daytona at a doggie daycare/boarding place and it was perfect. I'm sure we missed him way more then he missed us. What I liked most about this place was he would basically be with the pack vs in his own space alone and unable to play with all the other dogs around him... that wouldn't have worked for him at all. Here's his front paws on the seat of the truck shortly after we picked him up. </div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-66155893691879648712010-10-04T08:32:00.002-04:002010-10-04T08:32:00.590-04:00Psychic readingSo it was a few weeks ago now but I did go see a psychic.<br />
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Now let me just start by saying that I've never wanted to know what the future holds or who's around me and all that jazz. I guess to an extent I feel connected to what I need to know but the reason for finally deciding to give it a try was for a couple reasons. The woman I found online payed attention to her website and wrote from the heart. I just really liked how genuine she came across and liked what she had to say about her approach to readings and how she saw herself compared to others out there that might lead someone astray with their "visions". Also I just had a couple of questions. I needed some affirmation if you will that I wasn't wasting my time and on a path that was keeping me from becoming a mother. I don't feel that I am and with her guidance I just feel that much more confident in the path we've chosen to stick to for now. <br />
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So as I mentioned my two questiuons that I really wanted answers to<br />
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a.... will I ever get pregnant and finally become a mom<br />
b.... will I be successful running my business when I finally leave my job<br />
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So here's what I learned from the reading.<br />
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- apparently there is something exciting that will happen around christmas but definatly before the new year.. unsure of what and she wasn't confident that it was necessarily baby related but something exciting. She even asked me to contact her and let her know what it ended up being. <br />
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- she admitted that generally she can see into the future about 5 years and in 5 years she does see me with 2 kids, a boy and a girl but it was unclear how old they are<br />
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- I will have my own biological children and to stay on the course I've been on. I admitted that I wasn't sure if we should start the adoption process and that it didn't feel right for us and she said no, stay on the path you're on right now. I don't see adoption as your future and I think it will only deter you from the path you should be taking<br />
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- again I will get pregnant but there will still be some sort of fertility augmentation in order to make that happen<br />
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- there was something about an older male that is close to me who will pass but it will be expected (no idea here so we'll see) My immediate concern my dad (I'm such a daddy's girl) but she didn't feel that he was that close.. someone else that wasn't related to me I think is what she said<br />
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- that we will struggle financially this winter... we'll be fine but as with every winter over the last couple of years it will be tight<br />
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- my business is completely "viable" and she felt that it would require it's own space someday. A location outside of my home. That makes me very excited and completely freaked out but I'm learning that if I'm going to be successful I need to do things that scare me.Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-28148543500210223242010-10-02T15:55:00.001-04:002010-10-02T15:55:00.465-04:00The dentist appointment.... for 3 years I've told them no...you can't take x-rays today we're trying to make a baby... no, nope sorry, no over and over again and this time I told them yes, yes you can take them cause we still aren't pregnant and I know today that I'm not in a window of waiting. Then it was the most eerily quite dental cleaning to date. As though this woman had a profound sense of sadness for what I must be going through 3 years under my belt unsuccessful still.<br />
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I feel like so much has happened since my last post so I'll try to keep this simple for now...<br />
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- operation leave my f/t job is still in effect however it's been bumped to March 2011... my husband works on boats, big ones but still his hours can be effected during the winter months so as much as I want to pout and stomp my feet and cry NO, NO, NO.. I will stay put until March.<br />
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- I'm working with a business coach, a women's business coach and she's helped me (in only two sessions) identify and push through some of my core beliefs that have been quite possibly sabotaging my success. It feels good, it's going to be a lot of work but failure (meaning staying in this job and not acknowledging my true authentic self and all that I love and want to be) is not an option at this point. Five years is enough<br />
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- I'm so tired. I'm working like crazy at the moment. The fall season is always a busy time for me so add a busy fall to an already busy schedule of web work and photo shoots and a BIL getting married among other things makes for a busy, stupid schedule<br />
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- DH and I are going to see my psychologist together. Not because we're hanging of the cliff to anything bad but because we need to make sure we're both hearing each other as we move forward with the changes to come over the next several months. I'm so happy he will come with me. Maybe there are thoughts he hasn't quite been able to work through that could be keeping us from soaring.<br />
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- Saw the doc again last month after our holiday from all things fertility over the summer. I can hardly believe we did 2 iui's in the spring... that seems so long ago. So new plan... DH will do another SA in 2 months after he's diligent in taking his vitamins etc. After those results there might be some u/s and a new doc in the mix for my husband to see... oh yeah you can imagine the freaked out'ness that DH had. Hopefully it won't get that far though. I will be have a Lap done in January... preferably late January to see if there's something else that we can't see at this point that might be hindering our efforts. But in the meantime we'll just be enjoying having sex because we want to and reconnecting because we need to... outside of the fertility stuff.<br />
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- I saw a psychic. I've never done that before... ever and always been scared of what I might hear. I really only had two questions for her... will I have my own biological child(ren)? and will I be successful in my business? The answer to both in a nut shell... yes. I'll dedicate that story to a post all it's own.<br />
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So that sort of brings you up to speed on what's been going on. We had a nice holiday in the maritimes the end of August ending it off with my sister's very small and simple wedding. I took the pictures and then I cried as we left town that morning for the long drive home because I didn't have enough time to soak up my amazing nephew. I miss him terribly and wish I could drop the money without much worry on a flight just to be with him for a weekend. It's starting to hurt more then ever before seeing chubby little faces of babies and children all around us. We are just so aware and I want to believe that a little smile from those babies and tots that have crossed our paths and locked eyes with ours as we gaze and admire them.. I want to believe they're smiling back is letting me know we'll be ok... our turn is coming.<br />
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As I was babysitting a girlfriend's son a few weeks ago and I stayed close to his bed until I was positive he was headed to dreamland I whispered to him to ask the angels above to send us a little one as precious as he was. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TKYoh1hW7_I/AAAAAAAAA7k/5LbfgxDSM54/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TKYoh1hW7_I/AAAAAAAAA7k/5LbfgxDSM54/s320/photo.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">an iPhone snap taken during the long drive home</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-91458364693296355262010-08-13T09:29:00.004-04:002010-08-13T09:38:42.201-04:00Dear childhood friend who just had a babyThis is a letter I wrote to a childhood friend shortly before she had her baby.. I never sent the letter/email but it felt good to put it down. So I hope you don't mind if I share it with all of you :-)<br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153); font-family: verdana;">Dear Childhood friend,<br /><br />It's amazing how life takes hold and before you know it months and years have passed without having shared time with one of your best childhood friends. I know neither one of us has necessarily been good at keeping our friendship alive with so much distance between us but I just wanted you to know I think of you often and am so excited that you'll wear the title of mom so very very soon. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153); font-family: verdana;">I've managed to put a big bubble around my life in the last three years. Putting even more distance between those I hold so dear, some family and many friends. In those three years (dear husband) and I have struggles to have a family of our own. We've gone as far as the fertility clinics, so many tests, HSG, cycle monitoring, clomid, HCG shots and IUI's all foreign to your own experience I hope. I would not wish this heartache on anyone and although I know and believe with all my heart that we'll have our own little one someday it still stings as those around us celebrate this new beginning in their own lives. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153); font-family: verdana;">I guess maybe I've wanted to share my own experience with you for awhile now but as I said life gets in the way and we tend to think maybe this just isn't the right time. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153); font-family: verdana;">Today and in the coming months I'm feeling so alive as I work towards leaving my full-time job to go back to running my business again. This job has allowed us the opportunity to easily purchase a home but that was 5 years ago and with the mortgage renewal just a couple months away the realization that I'm still here and had expected to be long gone by now working from home with a toddler walking around is sinking in. I've sort of been living life on hold in some ways... only moving forward one month at a time and only seeing myself as Minname trying to get pregnant instead of Minname, wife, daughter, business woman, sister and friend.</span></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">That's as far as I got. It just sort of poured out of me but I couldn't send it... it felt a little selfish as she was waiting for her bean to arrive to draw attention to myself in some way and that's just not me.<br /><br />Preparations towards leaving my job are going well. I actually made my savings goal and then since I still have a couple months to go I socked a bunch of it against credit card debts in an effort to bring our debt ratio down and also bring up the credit score (always a work in progress of course but hoping for the best come October). So I'm back to saving up again but still the account is padded and staying that way... that feels pretty damn good!<br /><br />Have a wonderful weekend everyone!</span>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-25835159056090238062010-08-04T10:42:00.002-04:002010-08-04T10:53:43.278-04:00just wanted to share...... that today I'm wearing a skirt! I haven't felt very good about doing that in a very long time. I also smiled while driving all the way into work this morning and thinking about this is the last August that I'll ever have to make this drive on a daily basis.<br /><br />This is also day 3 of getting back on the wagon for better eating and getting my body moving again. DH and I want to feel good on our trip to the Maritimes and all that sitting/driving/eating out we'll be in for and we just needed to smarten up and do what we know we should be doing. I even went on two separate walks yesterday.. one with my small biz girlfriends for our weekly meeting to keep ourselves on track and second with DH and Daytona after DH was home from training (he's a volunteer firefighter). DH even said we could get ice cream while on the walk to which I replied NO I turned down DQ today and it's almost the end of the day you are not going to mess this up! NO NO NO! all while smiling and laughing but firm that he knew I wasn't messing around.<br /><br />It was his idea to get back on the wagon on Monday and he was already trying to derail things by Tuesday... sheesssshhh!Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-24575304700130818082010-07-29T15:27:00.005-04:002010-07-29T15:43:06.558-04:00little rant...Pregnant Yuppy was having a little rant over on her blog about the advice people seem compelled to share now that she's expecting... <a href="http://thepregnantyuppy.blogspot.com/2010/07/warning-rant-ahead.html">post here</a> so here's a little rant of my own in a different direction.<br /><br />Have you noticed the number of friends who are moms who like to poke fun at your desire to be a mom too? I've noticed this recently in the women closes to me... the comments go something along the lines of them complaining about what has been happening recently with their little one(s) and then they top off the complain with a "sure you really want to get yourself into this?" and we laugh like it's no big deal and bah ha ha the jokes so going to be on you when you have one. "sure you want a child?"<br /><br />Nope.... I've just been throwing money away on tests and vitamins/supplements and acupuncture, reflexology, massage therapy, ov watch sensors, opk kits, pregnancy tests, iui(s), HCG shots, clomid... you know just cause I've got the money (not!) and it's burning a whole in my pocket so what the hell might as well shoot the money gun off in an effort to get to mommyhood.<br /><br />Yes I get that it's going to be harder then I can ever possibly imagine at this point in my life without a child but COME ON... I've been working hard to get there and with every story you tell about how difficult it is and asking me if I'm sure I want this... (yes I fucking want this) These moms quickly forget switching gears from complaining to telling a story about what their child said or did just the other day that would just make your heart melt... yeah what sane person would want that?!Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-72803817626289788302010-07-28T15:47:00.005-04:002010-07-28T16:21:16.096-04:00hello stranger...oh dear it's been awhile. this will be a quick update if anyone is reading.<br /><br />I am well. I am happy but every time I think to write a blog post I get distracted and onto another thing on my to do list that keeps on growing every single day.<br /><br />Operation "leave my full time job" could not possibly be going any better. I'm blown away by the work that has come in just in the last month. I'm excited to share with family, friends even my chiropractor this shift that has happened. I'm following my passion once again. I'm finding my way back to myself again and it feels so great. I realize my struggle to conceive has not been as lengthy as some and maybe my plan is pretty drastic to some. But I must find myself again. I took a f/t job to get a mortgage and a mat leave (a whole year in Canada) and that hasn't happened and holy crap it's 5 years later and the mortgage is due for renewal soon.. how did that happen?<br /><br />I've gone through different bouts of sadness with this... at first I was convinced that I had done nothing but run on a hamster wheel for a five year period and I was so disappointed in myself... 5 years later same place in life just 50 lbs heavier... yeah me! But I realize now that I have grown... so it took me 5 years to stand up and say "enough" it's my turn to live life and I'll be damned if I live it by "the man's" rules. I'll create the life I want the life I always expected to have. To have my small business, work from home, have a family and keep on working and growing my client base, my knowledge, my experience. I just got a little side tracked by about 3 years with the oh so comfy job (which honestly isn't because of a certain boss who I've written about before).<br /><br />So where am I at right now? What's the time line? Have a left yet?<br /><br />Right now I'm $1000 short on the 2 months worth of expenses to keep my husband happy and comfortable with my leaving the job. I'm blown away that it has happened so quickly because as it stands right now I'll be staying put until mortgage renewal time and that's October.. right now we're waiting for the renewal papers from the mortgage company and then we'll be attempting to dump some dept into the renewal. So haven't left yet but I know I will celebrate 2011 as a self-employed person. All efforts to conceive and/or try to figure out why we have been unsuccessful are on hold and a distant memory in so many ways.<br /><br />I'm working like crazy to keep on top of everything I have on my plate and keep the invoices going out so more work can keep on coming in. And for now that is and will continue to be my focus. Yoga attendance has been poor (ok non existent) but I'm not beating myself up over it. Eating.. not so great but dh asked that we get back at it on Monday and I'm game... when he's on board it makes it so much easier cause he spoils me with his cooking and meal planning awesomeness! Once I've left the job then I'll have more time to find my routine again. I use to workout a least a few times a week when I was self-employed, had time to put dinner on the table for DH and I, a little house work mixed in here and there and I'll also be getting an hour back since I won't have the daily commute to and from the office. And so much of the stress that has likely been the bully behind my not being able to scream from the hilltops "I'm pregnant!" will finally shift. I'm not saying it'll be easy but I do know that it will feed my soul like nothing else can right now.<br /><br />I am happy, I'm excited and I'm going to making this happen.Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-41282895250146405752010-07-27T16:21:00.000-04:002010-07-28T16:26:25.765-04:00Daytona Tuesday<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TFCR3l7FYbI/AAAAAAAAA6Y/VAIfZ2vzABc/s1600/minname-3837.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TFCR3l7FYbI/AAAAAAAAA6Y/VAIfZ2vzABc/s400/minname-3837.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499055529278136754" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Here's a picture from almost two weeks ago up in beautiful Tobermory, ON<br /><br />DH coaxing Daytona in for a swim. I forgot a ball so it was hard to get him to go in :-)<br />And DH isn't dressed just cooling off before he goes scuba diving.<br /></div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-61817997972691030152010-07-06T18:42:00.006-04:002010-07-06T19:11:47.626-04:00Time for ChangeInspired by Anne's post about change ( <a href="http://petitesjoies.blogspot.com/2010/07/change-of-address.html">click here</a> ) I thought it was time to share with you the change I'm working towards making in my own life.<br /><br />I know I've mentioned it before but this time I mean it... I'm going to be leaving my f/t job before 2011. It is time! Just as Anne and her husband purchased a home in an area great for families... I have been in a job I do not enjoy for 5 YEARS because we wanted to start a family. Now we haven't been in TTC mode for 5 years but the last 3 come September is a couple of years too many as far as my job is concerned.<br /><br />I'm not going to be living my life by the code of "we might be pregnant soon" anymore because that has not worked. One not so great job complete with crap salary got us into our first home and that is wonderful. We love our area, yes it would be great for kids, but it's also great for us... quite dead end street, mature trees and wonderful sunset views from our livingroom window for Daytona to enjoy. lol Although I've stopped stepping on the scales I'm sure I've put on a good 50 lbs since starting my job, my skills go completely unappreciated and there is no where to move forward with the company. I'm but one creative being among a see of sales people, engineers and one micro-managing bitch of a boss lady. IT is time for change.<br /><br />I have a plan. Dollar amounts we're saving for, a mortgage due for renewal in October, new business website being designed by me for my web/graphic side of my small business, tasks being executed all in an effort to make sure I can leave my job before 2011. My husband is 100% behind me and probably just as fearful as I am but with 2 or months expenses in the bank his mind will be at ease when the time comes. I can feel the old me creeping back into my everyday, the business woman I felt I once was, confident and ambitious.... an entrepreneur through and through. I'm remembering what it means to be me, who I am and not just me trying to get pregnant.<br /><br />And because it just wouldn't be Tuesday without a picture of you know who... here he is checking out the view from our livingroom window.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TDO3AZkYdqI/AAAAAAAAA6Q/X3gFQb3ymxs/s1600/Screen+shot+2010-07-06+at+7.05.14+PM.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 301px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TDO3AZkYdqI/AAAAAAAAA6Q/X3gFQb3ymxs/s400/Screen+shot+2010-07-06+at+7.05.14+PM.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490933588186134178" border="0" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-40998446274986475382010-06-22T11:32:00.003-04:002010-06-22T11:36:49.709-04:00Daytona Tuesday<div style="text-align: center;">On the drive home from our weekend away in Tobermory we discovered another song that makes Daytona wanna sing (can't wait to get the newest iPhone so I can capture these moments on video).<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TCDYB82EmPI/AAAAAAAAA6I/IwDkCBWYlf0/s1600/photo.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TCDYB82EmPI/AAAAAAAAA6I/IwDkCBWYlf0/s320/photo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5485621874161654002" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">This time is was KT Tunstall (Black Horse & The Cherry Tree)<br />but Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape works every single time too.<br /><br /></div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659217.post-67320122659396870012010-06-15T09:48:00.004-04:002010-06-15T09:50:43.654-04:00Spirit Babies<div style="text-align: center;">Does anyone else have this book?<br />Do I want to read it, need to read it?<br />Will I find some comfort from reading it?<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TBeE2R25awI/AAAAAAAAA6A/4JqdtfXh2jI/s1600/51X2AND2NAL._SL500_AA300_.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_kspasZCh7zM/TBeE2R25awI/AAAAAAAAA6A/4JqdtfXh2jI/s320/51X2AND2NAL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482997139388328706" border="0" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div>Malindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03416889780399321547noreply@blogger.com0