officially exhausted

I'm finally done being poked for this cycle (well other then acupuncture that is). And I just feel like I need a NAP!

I've been to u/s all 4 days of our short work week here and 2 iui's done early evening both Wednesday and Thursday. I think I may have released 2 follicles and there was a 30mm holding on this morning as well. Off to acupuncture this afternoon to make sure that one goes too but for now I am done! yeah!

Last night as I was heading home to pick up the "sample" there was an accident at the end of our street... thank god I didn't see it but as I was trying to drive past everything the woman was climbing out of the ditch her hands in the air screaming "stop, stop, stop". There where a lot of people that had stopped but I couldn't NOT stop too. I just pulled over and hugged her. She was shaking like a leaf and so worried about her granddaughter who had also been in the car but was out with her grandfather on the road. Everyone was ok just really shaken. So after I held this woman for awhile telling her everything was ok and everyone was fine the grandfather gives me this toddler and collapses to his knees shaking and holding his chest. I think he just needed a moment to absorb everything and once his granddaughter realized that she didn't know who I was she was reaching for him again in tears. And then I slipped away into my car to drive down our street to home so I could get you know what from my DH and head straight to the clinic. What a freaking night!

As my friend and ND said just the other day (even before this happened) "your baby wants a really good story!" And I would have to agree.

- RN's at clinic making sure I'm ok with twins
- 2 iui's (two different doctor's... think I've met them all now... lol)
- at least 2 mature released follicles released and maybe a 3rd today
- our 4th wedding anniversary
- possibility of DH being called away for work
- DH came with me to first IUI (first time he's seen me in that position with a dr. but he kept me laughing while we waited)
- and an accident

Here's hoping this is it and we'll be on our way to a healthy, happy baby of our own. :-)

Let the 2 week wait BEGIN!

My hopes for 2010 (revisited)

So as I did last year I'm just checking in with my hopes for 2010 as I know have almost a full 5 months under my belt this year.

My Hopes for 2010

... continue with my weekly small business meeting with 3 other women as we support each other to grow our business and tackle this list of things we always want and mean to do but never seem to get to. Putting the procrastination book and fast track phototog book on the list of tasks with this group so they'll keep me accountable

Having this small group of women to call back on and keep myself accountable for so many things that might otherwise fall off my radar has been so fantastic on so many levels... not just professionally but also emotionally. I don't even know that I have the words to express my appreciation for them in my life.... but I still have not finished those two books.

... want to purchase a new camera body and at least 2 lens

Nope not yet. So much of the extra funds have been swallowed up by credit cards payments and fertility treatments that until we renew the mortgage this fall and the expenses start to level out the money needs to go to these two things and not against new equipment just yet.

... I will keep up my yoga classes at the studio twice a week and a third class on Saturday morning whenever possible

pretty good overall... was doing 3 to 4 classes until I started up with the iui stuff. now I've been taking it a little easier... getting rest when I think I need it and not filling up my time after work so much. But I know I should really be walking more when I'm not hitting as many yoga classes

... to honour the importance Daytona plays in our lives. He provides us so much comedic relief on a daily basis he deserves a good play or walk as much as possible. When I think about a maternity leave I think about not having to leave him all day

he is the apple of our eye and he's been loving playing at the dog park again now that it's no so messy and cold outside. he's so exhausted from our weekend at the cottage with everyone... didn't stop much all weekend long. lol

... emotional eating... continue taking steps, however slowly, to make changes in my relationship with food

I'm aware and doing what I can without making it a huge issue at the moment. sometimes my strength wins and sometimes it looses but I'm ok with it being that way right now. I don't feel that my eating has been as extreme as it has been in the past. February we did amazing and cut out all the junk and sugar for an entire month. So I know in my mind that it can be done!

I see 2010 holding a big change in terms of my job... the company is a little shaky and I'm either going to find myself on mat leave by this time next year OR striking out on my own again with my small business. Ultimately this has always been the goal... the job was to get the mortgage and then a mat leave we just didn't think it would take this long to get pregnant... that said I can't help but believe that everything truly does happen for a reason. Now that I'm being more active in my business and making it grow again and taking control of the things that left me blind to how well my business was or wasn't doing (hello! bookkeeping done for 2009 already and not in april 2010!).

Feeling more on track then I ever have when it comes to growing my small business. there is a timeline that's been developing over the last couple of weeks. As we take on iui's and mortgage renewal and the lack of a pregnancy in our lives just yet. I feel more and more that until something shifts with this job I'm in I might never really be able to get that BFP that I've spent so much time running after. So I'll stay put for now and wait for mortgage renewal this fall and we'll probably clean up some debts at the same time and then I'll start to tackle the possibility of finding 1 or 2 part-time jobs that will use my skill set in web/graphic design, just to keep my foot in the "employee" side of things and that will leave me with so much more time to keep building my business and put all the exciting marketing ideas and plans into motion so my business continues to flourish right along with the life we want for ourselves.

4 years married!

Married 4 years and together for 7 years this October... hard to believe but it almost feels like he's always been there. We always laugh every single day, kisses, I love you's, hugs good-bye, hello and just because... with him I know we'll get over this hurdle life has thrown our way. That we'll learn just how strong we really are when we thought we couldn't handle anymore.

He's my 'handsome' and I'm his 'beautiful'.

CD 13 - IUI + clomid + HCG

it's that time again....

u/s this morning showed my right ovary has a whooping 24mm folli and a 19 coming along. The left side... another 19 and 15 too... the RN actually said to me... are you opposed to twins? My reply "hell no, let's just get it done!" lol

So I'm still waiting for "the" call about what time the iui will happen exactly but all looks good, got the HCG shot again too.

In comparison to last cycle on CD 13 it was my left ovary that had 1 mature follicle at 20mm on the same day but nothing else over a 13mm on either side. I did get the HCG CD 13 but the IUI happened on CD 14. No idea what tomorrow will bring when I go back for another u/s... maybe a second IUI just to be sure? We'll see. Of course at this point I'm just taking this 1 hour at a time until I hear from the clinic.

I feel really good... just at peace, laid back after a great weekend with family and my husband and over all pretty content.

Belated MANIC MONDAY

Just a few pictures from my day yesterday. As it was a long weekend for us and we spent the whole weekend at my Dad and step mom's place just outside Hanover. It was a full house :-) and so much fun... my sister, soon to be BIL and my nephew (below) where there, my aunt and uncle on my step mom's side, my husband and I and of course my dad and step mom!

8 adults, 1 almost 4 month old most content and happy baby ever AND 5 dogs...
make that 6 by the end of the day ;-)

And it was a big day for my furry brother...

as he become a big brother...

How CUTE is she?!

slack blogger

talk about a blog slacker... I didn't even get a Daytona Tuesday posted!

I'm alive and doing ok... pretty good overall really. Had another session with my therapist today after work. It feels good to talk and I like the questions she asked to plan seeds for the next time we see each other. I booked again for late in my next 2ww which will start some point next week as we wait for it to be iui time again. After this cycle I think we'll be taking a break if it turns out to be a BFN. At that time I'll only have 2 more cycles I can take clomid but will need to take a break if I used it again after this cycle... which would mean only 1 cycle of clomid + iui later this summer (I hope that all makes sense? lol). I don't know why but doing two in a row (if needed) just makes more sense at this point. Of course this is what makes sense in my mind but I don't know what comes after clomid and what the costs are so I guess that could change my thinking.

My sister, BIL and nephew are here! They're at my dad and step mom's right now a two hour drive away but a bunch of us (8 adults, 1 baby, 5 dogs! lol) will be gathering at the cottage over the weekend... a long weekend here in Ontario :-) yeah! My nephew is just over 3 months now and I can't wait to photograph him, hold him and make silly faces! I hear he's pretty animated, content and happy little guy full of giggles and smiles!

What do you have planned this weekend?

at home

Insane cramps yesterday and today so I've been taking it easy...




I think Daytona prefers it when I'm home to hangout with him and he can spend the day in bed too instead of in the garage.


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I got my period

and then I ate this...




Leaning towards another iui this cycle just wondering where exactly we're going to find the extra funds but I guess we'll just worry about that later. Better get a move on some more of my client work that's still hanging in the wings.

I think I'm ok. Disappointed and kinda sad but ok.

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last weekend...

...still smiling :-)
possibly only because we didn't stay the second night

Daytona Tuesday

iPhone snap from this morning... our guest bedroom looking like it should since my MIL was over this weekend taking care of Daytona while we where away camping... yes camping... another story for later.

have a drink...

... okay so after my DH dive last night we where talking to the instructor/dive shop owner plus another diver and it become pretty clear that this weekend of camping (dive camping trip) will also involve a lot of booze so here's my question...

what's your best come back to the "have a drink" or "why aren't you drinking" comment in a similar situation?

the first thing that comes to my mind is "no thanks... I just put down $395 this month to get my husband's sperm to meet my egg so no drinky drink for me thanks!" (in a completely sarcastic tone that will leave them bug eyed and dumbfounded. lol would that work?

Tonight

After my little nurturing yoga class I headed down to our waterfront to meet DH who was doing his first dive of the season... this was the sky above after they got out of the water... it went end to end in a full arc.

Beautiful!




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Daytona Tuesday

I'm feeling completely and utterly guilty to be going away camping this weekend and not bring him with us... sorry Daytona another $69 extra for this trip is too much after an iui that cost more then I originally expected.

But Daytona will get to hang out at home with his Grammy. I can't believe my MIL is coming to our house to look after our dog. Grateful but worried about what, if any, snooping she might do around our house. Am I being paranoid?

Manic Monday - Week 1

It's my first time to participate in Sarah's awesome and fabulous....



So here we go....


My husband is up before I am so when I wake up this is who's sleeping beside me.


Being sucky and hoping, I'm sure, that he doesn't have to spend the day in the garage... trust me he's fine in there as is our house.


30 minute drive to work in another city
(done as hands free and safe as possible, promise)


At work and delving into emails from behind my cubicle walls

Adding a detail or two from the weekend to FertilityFriend.com... currently 4 dpo(iui) and trying to keep distracted.

3 tradeshow booths arrived back from a couple of US shows. One of my many responsibilities is booking and packing things up for each show that each department attends... we're past the thick of it now for the 2010 tradeshow season. Thank goodness!

firing through a quick edit from yesterdays photo sessions to post a sneak peek for my clients - this is not f/t job related but for my own small business :-) which keeps me sane!


Gorgeous sky above as I left the office


a treat after a long day home alone. I love having him around... he's such a character and keeps us laughing everyday! and then....

Daytona waits, watches for my husband


mindless tv while i read some blogs via my iPhone


sorting through some bills - urgh! preparing for a mortgage renewal in a few months, probably clean up a few debts too. fun, fun.


and this is what I'll be listening to within the hour as I drift off to la la land. circle+bloom fertility meditation... hoping first iui attempt sticks *fingers are crossed* :-)