So it was a few weeks ago now but I did go see a psychic.
Now let me just start by saying that I've never wanted to know what the future holds or who's around me and all that jazz. I guess to an extent I feel connected to what I need to know but the reason for finally deciding to give it a try was for a couple reasons. The woman I found online payed attention to her website and wrote from the heart. I just really liked how genuine she came across and liked what she had to say about her approach to readings and how she saw herself compared to others out there that might lead someone astray with their "visions". Also I just had a couple of questions. I needed some affirmation if you will that I wasn't wasting my time and on a path that was keeping me from becoming a mother. I don't feel that I am and with her guidance I just feel that much more confident in the path we've chosen to stick to for now.
So as I mentioned my two questiuons that I really wanted answers to
a.... will I ever get pregnant and finally become a mom
b.... will I be successful running my business when I finally leave my job
So here's what I learned from the reading.
- apparently there is something exciting that will happen around christmas but definatly before the new year.. unsure of what and she wasn't confident that it was necessarily baby related but something exciting. She even asked me to contact her and let her know what it ended up being.
- she admitted that generally she can see into the future about 5 years and in 5 years she does see me with 2 kids, a boy and a girl but it was unclear how old they are
- I will have my own biological children and to stay on the course I've been on. I admitted that I wasn't sure if we should start the adoption process and that it didn't feel right for us and she said no, stay on the path you're on right now. I don't see adoption as your future and I think it will only deter you from the path you should be taking
- again I will get pregnant but there will still be some sort of fertility augmentation in order to make that happen
- there was something about an older male that is close to me who will pass but it will be expected (no idea here so we'll see) My immediate concern my dad (I'm such a daddy's girl) but she didn't feel that he was that close.. someone else that wasn't related to me I think is what she said
- that we will struggle financially this winter... we'll be fine but as with every winter over the last couple of years it will be tight
- my business is completely "viable" and she felt that it would require it's own space someday. A location outside of my home. That makes me very excited and completely freaked out but I'm learning that if I'm going to be successful I need to do things that scare me.
Showing posts with label operation leave my job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label operation leave my job. Show all posts
Monday, October 4
Saturday, October 2
The dentist appointment
.... for 3 years I've told them no...you can't take x-rays today we're trying to make a baby... no, nope sorry, no over and over again and this time I told them yes, yes you can take them cause we still aren't pregnant and I know today that I'm not in a window of waiting. Then it was the most eerily quite dental cleaning to date. As though this woman had a profound sense of sadness for what I must be going through 3 years under my belt unsuccessful still.
I feel like so much has happened since my last post so I'll try to keep this simple for now...
- operation leave my f/t job is still in effect however it's been bumped to March 2011... my husband works on boats, big ones but still his hours can be effected during the winter months so as much as I want to pout and stomp my feet and cry NO, NO, NO.. I will stay put until March.
- I'm working with a business coach, a women's business coach and she's helped me (in only two sessions) identify and push through some of my core beliefs that have been quite possibly sabotaging my success. It feels good, it's going to be a lot of work but failure (meaning staying in this job and not acknowledging my true authentic self and all that I love and want to be) is not an option at this point. Five years is enough
- I'm so tired. I'm working like crazy at the moment. The fall season is always a busy time for me so add a busy fall to an already busy schedule of web work and photo shoots and a BIL getting married among other things makes for a busy, stupid schedule
- DH and I are going to see my psychologist together. Not because we're hanging of the cliff to anything bad but because we need to make sure we're both hearing each other as we move forward with the changes to come over the next several months. I'm so happy he will come with me. Maybe there are thoughts he hasn't quite been able to work through that could be keeping us from soaring.
- Saw the doc again last month after our holiday from all things fertility over the summer. I can hardly believe we did 2 iui's in the spring... that seems so long ago. So new plan... DH will do another SA in 2 months after he's diligent in taking his vitamins etc. After those results there might be some u/s and a new doc in the mix for my husband to see... oh yeah you can imagine the freaked out'ness that DH had. Hopefully it won't get that far though. I will be have a Lap done in January... preferably late January to see if there's something else that we can't see at this point that might be hindering our efforts. But in the meantime we'll just be enjoying having sex because we want to and reconnecting because we need to... outside of the fertility stuff.
- I saw a psychic. I've never done that before... ever and always been scared of what I might hear. I really only had two questions for her... will I have my own biological child(ren)? and will I be successful in my business? The answer to both in a nut shell... yes. I'll dedicate that story to a post all it's own.
So that sort of brings you up to speed on what's been going on. We had a nice holiday in the maritimes the end of August ending it off with my sister's very small and simple wedding. I took the pictures and then I cried as we left town that morning for the long drive home because I didn't have enough time to soak up my amazing nephew. I miss him terribly and wish I could drop the money without much worry on a flight just to be with him for a weekend. It's starting to hurt more then ever before seeing chubby little faces of babies and children all around us. We are just so aware and I want to believe that a little smile from those babies and tots that have crossed our paths and locked eyes with ours as we gaze and admire them.. I want to believe they're smiling back is letting me know we'll be ok... our turn is coming.
As I was babysitting a girlfriend's son a few weeks ago and I stayed close to his bed until I was positive he was headed to dreamland I whispered to him to ask the angels above to send us a little one as precious as he was.
I feel like so much has happened since my last post so I'll try to keep this simple for now...
- operation leave my f/t job is still in effect however it's been bumped to March 2011... my husband works on boats, big ones but still his hours can be effected during the winter months so as much as I want to pout and stomp my feet and cry NO, NO, NO.. I will stay put until March.
- I'm working with a business coach, a women's business coach and she's helped me (in only two sessions) identify and push through some of my core beliefs that have been quite possibly sabotaging my success. It feels good, it's going to be a lot of work but failure (meaning staying in this job and not acknowledging my true authentic self and all that I love and want to be) is not an option at this point. Five years is enough
- I'm so tired. I'm working like crazy at the moment. The fall season is always a busy time for me so add a busy fall to an already busy schedule of web work and photo shoots and a BIL getting married among other things makes for a busy, stupid schedule
- DH and I are going to see my psychologist together. Not because we're hanging of the cliff to anything bad but because we need to make sure we're both hearing each other as we move forward with the changes to come over the next several months. I'm so happy he will come with me. Maybe there are thoughts he hasn't quite been able to work through that could be keeping us from soaring.
- Saw the doc again last month after our holiday from all things fertility over the summer. I can hardly believe we did 2 iui's in the spring... that seems so long ago. So new plan... DH will do another SA in 2 months after he's diligent in taking his vitamins etc. After those results there might be some u/s and a new doc in the mix for my husband to see... oh yeah you can imagine the freaked out'ness that DH had. Hopefully it won't get that far though. I will be have a Lap done in January... preferably late January to see if there's something else that we can't see at this point that might be hindering our efforts. But in the meantime we'll just be enjoying having sex because we want to and reconnecting because we need to... outside of the fertility stuff.
- I saw a psychic. I've never done that before... ever and always been scared of what I might hear. I really only had two questions for her... will I have my own biological child(ren)? and will I be successful in my business? The answer to both in a nut shell... yes. I'll dedicate that story to a post all it's own.
So that sort of brings you up to speed on what's been going on. We had a nice holiday in the maritimes the end of August ending it off with my sister's very small and simple wedding. I took the pictures and then I cried as we left town that morning for the long drive home because I didn't have enough time to soak up my amazing nephew. I miss him terribly and wish I could drop the money without much worry on a flight just to be with him for a weekend. It's starting to hurt more then ever before seeing chubby little faces of babies and children all around us. We are just so aware and I want to believe that a little smile from those babies and tots that have crossed our paths and locked eyes with ours as we gaze and admire them.. I want to believe they're smiling back is letting me know we'll be ok... our turn is coming.
As I was babysitting a girlfriend's son a few weeks ago and I stayed close to his bed until I was positive he was headed to dreamland I whispered to him to ask the angels above to send us a little one as precious as he was.
an iPhone snap taken during the long drive home
Friday, August 13
Dear childhood friend who just had a baby
This is a letter I wrote to a childhood friend shortly before she had her baby.. I never sent the letter/email but it felt good to put it down. So I hope you don't mind if I share it with all of you :-)
Dear Childhood friend,
It's amazing how life takes hold and before you know it months and years have passed without having shared time with one of your best childhood friends. I know neither one of us has necessarily been good at keeping our friendship alive with so much distance between us but I just wanted you to know I think of you often and am so excited that you'll wear the title of mom so very very soon.
I've managed to put a big bubble around my life in the last three years. Putting even more distance between those I hold so dear, some family and many friends. In those three years (dear husband) and I have struggles to have a family of our own. We've gone as far as the fertility clinics, so many tests, HSG, cycle monitoring, clomid, HCG shots and IUI's all foreign to your own experience I hope. I would not wish this heartache on anyone and although I know and believe with all my heart that we'll have our own little one someday it still stings as those around us celebrate this new beginning in their own lives.
I guess maybe I've wanted to share my own experience with you for awhile now but as I said life gets in the way and we tend to think maybe this just isn't the right time.
Today and in the coming months I'm feeling so alive as I work towards leaving my full-time job to go back to running my business again. This job has allowed us the opportunity to easily purchase a home but that was 5 years ago and with the mortgage renewal just a couple months away the realization that I'm still here and had expected to be long gone by now working from home with a toddler walking around is sinking in. I've sort of been living life on hold in some ways... only moving forward one month at a time and only seeing myself as Minname trying to get pregnant instead of Minname, wife, daughter, business woman, sister and friend.
That's as far as I got. It just sort of poured out of me but I couldn't send it... it felt a little selfish as she was waiting for her bean to arrive to draw attention to myself in some way and that's just not me.
Preparations towards leaving my job are going well. I actually made my savings goal and then since I still have a couple months to go I socked a bunch of it against credit card debts in an effort to bring our debt ratio down and also bring up the credit score (always a work in progress of course but hoping for the best come October). So I'm back to saving up again but still the account is padded and staying that way... that feels pretty damn good!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Dear Childhood friend,
It's amazing how life takes hold and before you know it months and years have passed without having shared time with one of your best childhood friends. I know neither one of us has necessarily been good at keeping our friendship alive with so much distance between us but I just wanted you to know I think of you often and am so excited that you'll wear the title of mom so very very soon.
I've managed to put a big bubble around my life in the last three years. Putting even more distance between those I hold so dear, some family and many friends. In those three years (dear husband) and I have struggles to have a family of our own. We've gone as far as the fertility clinics, so many tests, HSG, cycle monitoring, clomid, HCG shots and IUI's all foreign to your own experience I hope. I would not wish this heartache on anyone and although I know and believe with all my heart that we'll have our own little one someday it still stings as those around us celebrate this new beginning in their own lives.
I guess maybe I've wanted to share my own experience with you for awhile now but as I said life gets in the way and we tend to think maybe this just isn't the right time.
Today and in the coming months I'm feeling so alive as I work towards leaving my full-time job to go back to running my business again. This job has allowed us the opportunity to easily purchase a home but that was 5 years ago and with the mortgage renewal just a couple months away the realization that I'm still here and had expected to be long gone by now working from home with a toddler walking around is sinking in. I've sort of been living life on hold in some ways... only moving forward one month at a time and only seeing myself as Minname trying to get pregnant instead of Minname, wife, daughter, business woman, sister and friend.
That's as far as I got. It just sort of poured out of me but I couldn't send it... it felt a little selfish as she was waiting for her bean to arrive to draw attention to myself in some way and that's just not me.
Preparations towards leaving my job are going well. I actually made my savings goal and then since I still have a couple months to go I socked a bunch of it against credit card debts in an effort to bring our debt ratio down and also bring up the credit score (always a work in progress of course but hoping for the best come October). So I'm back to saving up again but still the account is padded and staying that way... that feels pretty damn good!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Wednesday, July 28
hello stranger...
oh dear it's been awhile. this will be a quick update if anyone is reading.
I am well. I am happy but every time I think to write a blog post I get distracted and onto another thing on my to do list that keeps on growing every single day.
Operation "leave my full time job" could not possibly be going any better. I'm blown away by the work that has come in just in the last month. I'm excited to share with family, friends even my chiropractor this shift that has happened. I'm following my passion once again. I'm finding my way back to myself again and it feels so great. I realize my struggle to conceive has not been as lengthy as some and maybe my plan is pretty drastic to some. But I must find myself again. I took a f/t job to get a mortgage and a mat leave (a whole year in Canada) and that hasn't happened and holy crap it's 5 years later and the mortgage is due for renewal soon.. how did that happen?
I've gone through different bouts of sadness with this... at first I was convinced that I had done nothing but run on a hamster wheel for a five year period and I was so disappointed in myself... 5 years later same place in life just 50 lbs heavier... yeah me! But I realize now that I have grown... so it took me 5 years to stand up and say "enough" it's my turn to live life and I'll be damned if I live it by "the man's" rules. I'll create the life I want the life I always expected to have. To have my small business, work from home, have a family and keep on working and growing my client base, my knowledge, my experience. I just got a little side tracked by about 3 years with the oh so comfy job (which honestly isn't because of a certain boss who I've written about before).
So where am I at right now? What's the time line? Have a left yet?
Right now I'm $1000 short on the 2 months worth of expenses to keep my husband happy and comfortable with my leaving the job. I'm blown away that it has happened so quickly because as it stands right now I'll be staying put until mortgage renewal time and that's October.. right now we're waiting for the renewal papers from the mortgage company and then we'll be attempting to dump some dept into the renewal. So haven't left yet but I know I will celebrate 2011 as a self-employed person. All efforts to conceive and/or try to figure out why we have been unsuccessful are on hold and a distant memory in so many ways.
I'm working like crazy to keep on top of everything I have on my plate and keep the invoices going out so more work can keep on coming in. And for now that is and will continue to be my focus. Yoga attendance has been poor (ok non existent) but I'm not beating myself up over it. Eating.. not so great but dh asked that we get back at it on Monday and I'm game... when he's on board it makes it so much easier cause he spoils me with his cooking and meal planning awesomeness! Once I've left the job then I'll have more time to find my routine again. I use to workout a least a few times a week when I was self-employed, had time to put dinner on the table for DH and I, a little house work mixed in here and there and I'll also be getting an hour back since I won't have the daily commute to and from the office. And so much of the stress that has likely been the bully behind my not being able to scream from the hilltops "I'm pregnant!" will finally shift. I'm not saying it'll be easy but I do know that it will feed my soul like nothing else can right now.
I am happy, I'm excited and I'm going to making this happen.
I am well. I am happy but every time I think to write a blog post I get distracted and onto another thing on my to do list that keeps on growing every single day.
Operation "leave my full time job" could not possibly be going any better. I'm blown away by the work that has come in just in the last month. I'm excited to share with family, friends even my chiropractor this shift that has happened. I'm following my passion once again. I'm finding my way back to myself again and it feels so great. I realize my struggle to conceive has not been as lengthy as some and maybe my plan is pretty drastic to some. But I must find myself again. I took a f/t job to get a mortgage and a mat leave (a whole year in Canada) and that hasn't happened and holy crap it's 5 years later and the mortgage is due for renewal soon.. how did that happen?
I've gone through different bouts of sadness with this... at first I was convinced that I had done nothing but run on a hamster wheel for a five year period and I was so disappointed in myself... 5 years later same place in life just 50 lbs heavier... yeah me! But I realize now that I have grown... so it took me 5 years to stand up and say "enough" it's my turn to live life and I'll be damned if I live it by "the man's" rules. I'll create the life I want the life I always expected to have. To have my small business, work from home, have a family and keep on working and growing my client base, my knowledge, my experience. I just got a little side tracked by about 3 years with the oh so comfy job (which honestly isn't because of a certain boss who I've written about before).
So where am I at right now? What's the time line? Have a left yet?
Right now I'm $1000 short on the 2 months worth of expenses to keep my husband happy and comfortable with my leaving the job. I'm blown away that it has happened so quickly because as it stands right now I'll be staying put until mortgage renewal time and that's October.. right now we're waiting for the renewal papers from the mortgage company and then we'll be attempting to dump some dept into the renewal. So haven't left yet but I know I will celebrate 2011 as a self-employed person. All efforts to conceive and/or try to figure out why we have been unsuccessful are on hold and a distant memory in so many ways.
I'm working like crazy to keep on top of everything I have on my plate and keep the invoices going out so more work can keep on coming in. And for now that is and will continue to be my focus. Yoga attendance has been poor (ok non existent) but I'm not beating myself up over it. Eating.. not so great but dh asked that we get back at it on Monday and I'm game... when he's on board it makes it so much easier cause he spoils me with his cooking and meal planning awesomeness! Once I've left the job then I'll have more time to find my routine again. I use to workout a least a few times a week when I was self-employed, had time to put dinner on the table for DH and I, a little house work mixed in here and there and I'll also be getting an hour back since I won't have the daily commute to and from the office. And so much of the stress that has likely been the bully behind my not being able to scream from the hilltops "I'm pregnant!" will finally shift. I'm not saying it'll be easy but I do know that it will feed my soul like nothing else can right now.
I am happy, I'm excited and I'm going to making this happen.
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