first... Christy thank you for the comment you left. I know life gets away from us sometimes and just know I'm thinking about you too!

This months TTC efforts feels SO freaking exciting... I feel as though its our first time trying for some reason.

As my naturopath is taking some mat time herself and I was feeling a little lonely on the TTC front I decided after talking with DH to buy this mentioned previously. It arrived yesterday and we both took our first pill with dinner. dinner at our new table!!!! An early christmas gift from my mom and her bf. I only asked for a gift certificate (sears) and wham! they ordered it for us... we couldn't believe it!!! It arrived yesterday and while I made dinner and ran out for a quick adjustment at the chiropractor my sweet husband put it together... NO more dinners in front of the TV... we where awful for doing this literally ALL THE TIME!!

Horrible pic (bad kitchen lighting)... but you get the idea. New blinds and lighting to follow this winter likely.

so as I was saying we're feeling excited about the window opening this month.... we where out picking up some groceries on the weekend and passed one of those neon open signs you can pick up a costco and dh said... why don't you get one of those? Me: what? dh: an open sign so I know the window is open and its time!!!! I'm still laughing about it!!! and thinking of making one as a joke to put over our bed. That is one of the things I just absolutely love about my handsome husband.... he makes me laugh all the time, we laugh all the time... this morning i grabbed the box of halloween treats we had been tossing in lunches, it was on top of the fridge and when I picked it up I knew it was empty but something black caught my eye..... he left me a message. Inside at the bottom of the box it said "there gone!" LMAO

tonight... he's making dinner LOL and then its pumpkin carving time! we have two awesome big round fat guys to carve up... an annual tradition

well AF arrived a couple days early so I guess that's a good thing.... time to get this TTC show on the road and get another month under our belts. LOL

Thank you Margie for your company Saturday night and the bottle of wine!

I've ordered up the fertility aid supplements (a his & her combo) but nothing has arrived yet but I'm hoping it arrives by Friday.

This weekend I get to go to the lakehouse and see my Aunt and my Nanny. I'm not entirely looking forward to this... no actually I'm NOT looking forward to it at all. Yes this is the Aunt who will become a grandmother for the first time summer 2009, my cousin & his wife are pregnant. As much as I am happy for them I also want a little respect as not to have it rubbed in my face as though it was a competition I lost! But when I called last Friday night to say hello, knowing they had arrived on Thursday my Aunt got on the phone and chose to sing song as though she was a kid in the playground taunting someone "I'm going to be a Nanny, I'm going to be a Nanny, I'm going to be a Nanny" over and over again. I mean how can I not have my defences up walking into something like that.

feeling better today (thank you for the quick call yesterday Margie... it felt so good to know I had a friend out there that came to my rescue so quickly)... I didn't get into too much with my DH because he has a HUGE weekend with a written and practical exam this weekend and will be away but I told him I wanted to know if he'd take a fertility blend supplement with me for next months TTC efforts and try lots of positions (sorry if TMI) and he said he's game... he said whatever I want and then reminded me that he said that afew months ago... so ordered up this stuff for us. The reviews seem pretty positive and I've been taking a break from my 18 pills of TCM a day for the last month (that's an investment all on its own!) eek!

I know I've done and tried alot of different things over the last year but I'm not going to get wrapped up in the temping, opk, saliva scope, all the other stuff and my books are still tucked away. My naturopath is off right now expecting her first any day now, actually her due date was last Sunday... so that said i was feeling a little lonely... don't have her to chat with and we are running a tight ship right now so I haven't wanted to spend the cash on another session with my therapist. A good girls night Saturday is just want I need (can't wait to see you Margie). I think by next weekend I'll be ready to face my aunt at the cottage as she and my Nanny are visiting (arrived yesterday) my dad and stepmom so I want to move into a positive energy so not to break down into a puddle of tears listening to how excited she is... it is after all her FIRST grandchild!!!

my heart aches right now... feel as though I'm being bombarded by babies, pregnancy and all things in between these last few days and I'm MAD.. I'm mad at myself for not being able to find the ambition to loose weight... I'm mad that my husband doesn't seem to really want this as much as I do (I know he does but it just never seems to be at the same intensity/want/desire/need as I do)... I'm mad because I don't think we are trying hard enough... I'm mad because I don't feel like we have been as good at putting money aside as we could be... I'm mad because people have been laid off at my husband's workplace and that changes "trying" and just puts more stress into an already stressful time... I'm mad because I think we should have had a baby already, I'm mad because my 26 yr/old cousin and his wife of 1 year are expecting, I'm mad that I'm capable of feeling this way toward them ("that should be me...") and I'm mad because I don't feel like I've done anything to change.

I love "checking-in" with my naturopath.

I've been feeling unsettled since coming home from our holidays on the east coast and I don't know what it is... I feel like I should be planning something BIG, working toward something, DOING something. But instead I was reminded in my session yesterday to just sit in this calm place and see what comes to the surface....

We started on a journey with TTC this time last year and it took me (and my cycle telling me) until the spring to realize I was making myself, making my body crazy and throwing it all out of wack. So instead of trying yet another diet of which I knew I would fail and couldn't bare to start face more failure, more let down by my body I decided to start working from the inside out. Started TCM, seeing a therapist, slowing down and stopped beating myself up about where I'm at, where my body is at, and where my head is at.

So I'll wait, I'll sit on this calm but restless feeling and see what unfolds for me next.

so yesterday I had a hair appointment and brow wax and I FORGOT my wallet!!! doh!!!
but all is well and the very kind people where I was headed let me write a cheque (because I'm a regular client) and the spa let me put it on "my account!" an "account" at the spa could be a bad thing... I didn't know you could do that. lol

Tonight after work I have a massage and tomorrow a touch base appointment with my naturopath. i haven't been doing a very good job since holidays at taking my TCM supplements. Friday nothing and then a crazy weekend shooting an event and some grad photos saturday and a seminar in TO on sunday. I feel as though I'm catching up on sleep before this weekend starts AND I took Monday off to come down from my crazy weekend.

wanting.... longing.... needing

a thought... maybe this journey to becoming a mom isn't in my hands. maybe wanting to be a mom is forcing me down a path I've neglected to take until now and its forcing me to make sure I'm complete and whole and well and grounded and centered... maybe it isn't until all of this aligns that I'll finally find out that I'm pregnant. I'm still struggling with fear though... the fear that once all the other stuff aligns and settles that it will be too late.

so last night right after we both got home from work we headed south to Ikea to pick up bedside tables we've been planning/wanted to get for awhile... so exciting I know. lol

We opted for these (in brown/black) instead of these. Same price and more storage and our bedroom can handle the extra size. I'll try to take some before and afters this weekend as we are also getting a closet organizer and I can't wait to get that in and working for us. That means we have one armoir/two miss matched side tables and a very old blue three drawer dresser up for sale... going to try and sell them first but they need to go money or not.

So of course by the time we're back home and in bed its just about time for the news. News comes on... oh goody gas is going up .13 cents.......me up and putting on my pants to go get said gas before it goes through the roof. Luckily the pioneer is pretty close and its always the cheaper place, but by the time I got there is was already busier then usual and then it got REAL busy by the time I waiting in line to pay for my own gas. I love being an adult. lol while I was there though i struck up a conversation with the woman pumping gas beside me and turns out she's unemployed... and I think I was suppose to learn something from that... I need to be far more appreciative of what I/we do have and not so concerned with what I don't have yet.

I'm listening universe and I got the tap on the shoulder. Thank you!

I've been following Shanna's blog for awhile now and she just started a new one introducing the most precious angel I've seen in some time. Just makes my heart melt.

Great blog find!!!

not that I'm going or planning to go "vegan" I still like meat... just do
BUT I love the look of some of these recipes and plan to give a couple a try soon
http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/