well no baby news to share this month :-( but on a positive note with all the holiday happenings I'm not feeling so depressed about it this month... no tears shed this time. And we'll be able to TTC again before DH is swamped with a huge tradeshow set up happening in Toronto... International Boat Show anyone?

I remember the first and well last time he took me to the show... we had been together 4 months. Its a pretty overwhelming show if you've never been and it was kinda fun to check out all these boats. Here are some tips for you:

1. wear something on your feet that are not only comfy but can also be slipped on and off as that's all you do when you're checking out the boats
2. water in purse and a snack
3. FYI... you will be approached repeatedly when entering booths
4. check out the smaller stuff first and work your way up to the B I G boats

DH took me to check out all the big stuff first and then I got super board looking at motors and little 18 foot boats.... when you just came from something that has pop up TV's (yes more then one) a couple of bathrooms, full kitchen, dishwasher, washer/dryer and more then one bedroom.... 18 feet looks like a dingy. LOL

Its been a pretty great month so far considering some of the outside pressures of job security, money spending, holidays, family expectations etc.

We are both hoping for a very special Christmas gift from Santa this year... but we're at a pretty good place in that if we don't get that BFP we'll be okay.

I saw my naturopath again last week (she's back in the office about 10 hours a week and her little guy is now 7 weeks on Monday) and she said two things that really stood out in a matter of 30 minutes (the length of our session)

I was talking to her about family just not getting or seeming to be sympathetic to what we're going through and she can totally identify with me as it took her and her DH 2 years to conceive. but what she said was you're morning the loss of a child every month, an unborn child every single month and I never looked at it from that perspective before... of course with every period came a short period of tears, frustration, feelings of failure, disappointment and fear...... every month morning the loss of the child we want so very very much. WOW!

The other thing she said is if we haven't conceived by spring we'll take the next step... next step consists of some fertility monitoring with fertility clinic in our small town (which I'm told some of her other patients have had great success and experienced excellent bedside manner). The words charting, tests and ultrasounds came up and of course have DH tested to which I had my own questions answered about just how that takes place (not what the movies/tv would have you think which was a big relief and something I know DH won't have a problem with). I feel good about where we're at in the TTC journey and our relationship and our renewed excitement... DH has taken the bull by the horns lol and we're having more fun baby dancing then we have in a while *blushing* so like I said we're in a great place.

Something else I've been visualizing is what Christy said about having a bouncing baby with us next holiday season at all these family gatherings that have proven to add to the bag of stresses then been a place of comfort and acceptance. We are growing stronger and stronger as a couple and as a growing family.

Just havin' a little fun at work.

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an emotional mess....that's what I am today (i started that post on Tuesday)

I was just an mess on Tuesday... I couldn't stop crying for the better part of the morning and of course I was at work and couldn't just go home because of a big meeting scheduled for the afternoon.

what was wrong? everything... of course!

- no success this month with TTC
- stress of christmas and money spending
- a 4th person was laid off at DH workplace, DH still has a job but the stress + period + no baby just was too much
- my dad giving me a hard time about bowing out of the family gathering on my step mom's side on the 13th (reason more money as they sprung a gift exchange into the mix + we'd be responsible for bring 2 dishes to the potluck + the 2.5 hr drive + no one bothered to answer my question about whether or not we could bring our dog until a week later)
- stress of TTC next month cause if we do, baby would arrive in late August and my sister finally set the date for her wedding... yeah... Sept. 5th. We have been trying for too long now to stop for a couple months with the idea of being at her wedding. Yes of course I want to be there (suppose to be in the wedding party) but I can't stop living my life and TTC when the wedding is just under 1 year away... even if we did wait till March to start trying again I could still miss the wedding due to bed rest or complications or doctors orders to not travel (wedding is in NB).... so we are trying agian in December.. because we both want to get this show on the road. lol

yeah so this week started off with an awful yucky loud bang but luckily we got through it, are getting through it... looking after ourselves and trying not to worry so much about what everyone else things or feels... sometimes you just have to put yourself first, okay all the time but its ten thousand times harder this time of year :-(

I've mapped out the new sitemap and design for my new website and I'm so irritated that I have other things that need to be done before I can start working on it. Hopefully tomorrow or maybe this afternoon if I can get these other brochures out of the way.

There are no words... I am just filled with so much hope for not only the United States but Canada with the election of Barack Obama as President.

weekend was great... productive, peaceful, quite, relaxing

I raked up the leaves on saturday and I have to say my hands are sore, but to keep them moving I started a new knitting project.... a simple 12 stitch width scarf that I'm planning to give my sister for Christmas. We're trying to cut out some of the expense of gift giving this year... fingers crossed we can keep the spending down and our family will appreciate the personal touch vs. the plastic gift card. Also my sweet husband washed my car and I cleaned it out, the winter tires are stack in the garage and ready to be put on, halloween stuff down (not that there was alot of it) but I couldn't get dh to put up the christmas lights (don't worry we wouldn't have turned tham on yet)... he told me that should only be done when its really cold out, tradition I guess to freeze you're fingers off while you do it. LOL

just about every piece of laundry is done, folded and away minus the stuff we had on... I love it when the laundry actually makes it into the drawers and the closet... I mean that is why we bought the nice new side/table dressers and closet organizer! lol

This is the time of year where I get into purge mood BIG time. Partly because it really needs to be done but also its me preping for our annual NY shopping trip with my step mom, her sister and their gf. This will be our 4th year. And of course a sign of the times we aren't going to go all the way to Rochester (2 night stay) and
instead opting for a day trip to the Buffalo area since they are finally getting a Christmas Tree Store (that is a pre-requisit for our decided destination, there has to be a CTS). CTS, TJMaxx and then likely the Walden Galleria and lunch at the cheese cake factory... oh my yummy! the purge keeps me from over spending and buying up stuff we really don't need and I never deviate to far from my shopping idea list. I'm even purging some furniture peices. I love it when everything has its place and a place for everything but getting there is a work in progress... watch... I'll get it all done in a couple years and we'll move.

my naturopath had her baby!!!! a baby boy who they've named Patrick!

I just received an email from the doctor that's filling in for her at her clinic and I had to read it over and over to take it all in. The baby was born Monday night at 9pm and she is being discharged tomorrow. I got all the details of her room etc and that she would really like to see me if I can come up before she is discharged tomorrow.

I'm smiling and giddy not only because he is finally here but that I feel like our friendship is kinda coming together. We have had the odd get together with our husbands (+dogs too) and they tried for 2 years before conceiving and I just feel really honoured that she'd want me to come up and visit.

I'm going to pop in after work... I don't have a gift or anything and have no idea if there is something I should pick up?!!! I figure that can come later besides that would just be one more thing for them to bring home.

Oh I'm just so excited!!!!

first... Christy thank you for the comment you left. I know life gets away from us sometimes and just know I'm thinking about you too!

This months TTC efforts feels SO freaking exciting... I feel as though its our first time trying for some reason.

As my naturopath is taking some mat time herself and I was feeling a little lonely on the TTC front I decided after talking with DH to buy this mentioned previously. It arrived yesterday and we both took our first pill with dinner. dinner at our new table!!!! An early christmas gift from my mom and her bf. I only asked for a gift certificate (sears) and wham! they ordered it for us... we couldn't believe it!!! It arrived yesterday and while I made dinner and ran out for a quick adjustment at the chiropractor my sweet husband put it together... NO more dinners in front of the TV... we where awful for doing this literally ALL THE TIME!!

Horrible pic (bad kitchen lighting)... but you get the idea. New blinds and lighting to follow this winter likely.

so as I was saying we're feeling excited about the window opening this month.... we where out picking up some groceries on the weekend and passed one of those neon open signs you can pick up a costco and dh said... why don't you get one of those? Me: what? dh: an open sign so I know the window is open and its time!!!! I'm still laughing about it!!! and thinking of making one as a joke to put over our bed. That is one of the things I just absolutely love about my handsome husband.... he makes me laugh all the time, we laugh all the time... this morning i grabbed the box of halloween treats we had been tossing in lunches, it was on top of the fridge and when I picked it up I knew it was empty but something black caught my eye..... he left me a message. Inside at the bottom of the box it said "there gone!" LMAO

tonight... he's making dinner LOL and then its pumpkin carving time! we have two awesome big round fat guys to carve up... an annual tradition