Tuesday, June 22

Daytona Tuesday

On the drive home from our weekend away in Tobermory we discovered another song that makes Daytona wanna sing (can't wait to get the newest iPhone so I can capture these moments on video).

This time is was KT Tunstall (Black Horse & The Cherry Tree)
but Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape works every single time too.

Tuesday, June 15

Spirit Babies

Does anyone else have this book?
Do I want to read it, need to read it?
Will I find some comfort from reading it?

Daytona Tuesday

Another picture of my new furry little sister. We're off on a camping trip this weekend but next weekend I think we'll be heading to the cottage again for a visit with my dad and step mom... can't wait to see how she's changed in a months time :-)

Wednesday, June 9

CD 1

I can't keep doing what we've been doing at this point. Something must change and I believe that shift has to happen in my job. I took this position leaving behind self-employment, for two reasons... 1. mortgage and 2. mat leave. We got the house but now as I come up to my 5th year with this company I can't bare the thought of making it to a 6th. I'm not suppose to be here... I should have had 1 child already... I'm carrying another 50+ lbs since I started here... and this job is the one constant in my life that makes me sad and so very unhappy.

I'm reminded everyday of the stress from a boss who does not respect me or my well being by questioning when I'm late or what my doctors appointments are for. My abilities and effort are not respected or rewarded... that $500 raise I got this year is just a slap in the face as far as I'm concerned considering the time, energy and knowledge I've given.

It's time for change. I can't bring myself to put more money towards treatment when my stress level is so dependent on someone elses mood that day or week. I feel like I'm wasting money. I tried two cycles and it did not work so it's time for a new plan of action.

Thank god for my husband! He is behind me 100% and he too can see it now as I do what this job has taken from us. He wants to see his kids doing silly things, to play with them, to hold them... he sees it just as much as I do as we go about our daily lives.

So the plan is to search for 1 or 2 part-time employers... people/companies who can't afford or feel they need someone with my skill set in the office 5 days a week but I can show them what having me for X number of hours each week can do for them. It will be some leg work and research but I have a team I can turn to and then the most wonderful thing is it will allow me to spend more time on my business. Time to put all my own marketing ideas into motion to build that side of my career. The p/t work will just be that cushion as I make the transition back into f/t self-employment and plan for our family.

I'm scare, exhausted and uncomfortable but this feels like what I should have been doing years ago. This job has served a purpose but it is not going to allow me to get where I want to be next and so I must go. I am ready to live my life for me again.

Tuesday, June 8

CD 27 12 dpo

Test was negative this morning but still no aunt flow... so still hoping and praying for a BFP!

Daytona Tuesday

Laying on the couch the other night I look up from my pillow to see this....

what a dog...

Monday, June 7

CD 26, 11 dpo

so I've been taking it easy as of late. just trying to stay out of my head and preoccupied for the most part and I was doing really good at it until yesterday. DH was away all weekend and my mind started to wander and count and compare and well you know the drill.

So with every clomid cycle I seem to have a 27/28 day cycle so that said I think I'm going to POAS tomorrow morning. I have the day off to wait for the internet tech to come out to our home in the a.m. so I can have the day at home to be sad or jump for joy or remain completely in the dark as I wait for AF or BFP if I end up with a BFN tomorrow.

Last cycle I did only have 1 egg release, 1 iui and I had spotting on CD 25 but this cycle I had 2 (possibly 3) eggs release, 2 iui's and no spotting yet. I'm almost afraid to dream that we could possibly finally be pregnant. I was telling my therapist just last week that I've had so much disappointment I have no idea anymore of what kind of happiness and excitement a positive could bring. I'm too afraid of another negative result to really let my guard down and hope. I feel like it's coming soon but will it be this month or will I have to wait again