Friday, February 26

a weekend away

My husband and I are off to the big city tonight. Two nights away in Toronto at a really nice hotel, tickets to see the King Tut display and the great outdoor show on Sunday.

We're looking forward to just getting away even though the distance isn't as far as we might have liked it feels good that at least we're going somewhere to be together. I've been so busy with my small business, lots of photo shoots and new web/graphic work coming (on top of the day job responsibilities) in that we haven't had as much quite time as we'd like.

Daytona gets a weekend with his favorite neighbours and we get to just be together and away from the nagging "should do lists."

Also very excited to add... I bought some new pants this week... and they where a size smaller.. a 16. I have a few pairs that I've been wearing that gave me a serious case of poopy bum and my sweet husband... love him so much said when I got home and showed him the few new pieces that I got "well... you deserve it! You've been working so hard!"

I love him!

Thursday, February 25

a big sister

.. I don't have a biological big sister but I have a "heart" big sister in my gf who lives in Halifax... I've mentioned her before about how she was first my private tutor and then just became a member of our family. She is the 1 person who knews pretty much my entire history with all the mess and hoopla of my parents separation and early antics my little sister pulled. We have spent so much time together and I can tell her anything and everything. She's coming with me to see my sister and having her there the first couple of days will help me so much.

She does not have children and I can remember a time spent with her over the holidays when she was just about to meet her husband to be... a blind date set up and I asked her about kids and did she want to have any. She told me that she had looked into adoption but that she felt she'd be okay if that didn't happen, if she didn't get to have kids. That was 10 years ago and this week in emails back and forth it came out... she told me that she use to think it didn't matter if she became a mom or not but that now she knows she was wrong and that nothing much else matters other then becoming a mom. She wants this for me probably as much as my husband and I want it for ourselves. And it was within those emails that I found the strenght for a really honest heart to heart with my husband. We have always said yeah IUI in the spring but I needed to have a month set in my mind. And so it will be April or May. I will see my Dr. on March 4th to discuss whether or not we take March off from clomid (would have been month 3) and do clomid in April + IUI or do May without clomid + IUI.

I will be 32 in April and I know this is still "young" but really let's be honest... it isn't young when it comes to the fact that we have been TTCing for the last 2 1/2 years almost with no success... I don't want to wait too much longer. I want to get the show on the road. If we aren't meant to have our own children naturally then why? and lets start to grieve and move forward with the next step whatever that is... adoption?

I've added Circle+Bloom to my daily routine and it has been wonderful. I love listening as I drift off to sleep and usually put that days session on repeat as I always seem to fall asleep before the session ends. Thank you Fertility Chick for sharing... it's because of you I found this awesome program.

On the new sweets front I'm holding strong at day 25.. no binges, no donuts, minimal bread... I'm struggling internally almost every couple of hours but with 24 days behind me I'm more afraid of a Day 1 then the donut itself.

Just got a call from the fertility clinic and my progesterone bloodwork came back at 44... I ovulated. And all I can say is DUH! I don't know why but that place just iritates the hell out of me since the last time I went for CD 21 bloodwork and she pushed so hard that I do the cycle monitoring at the same time.

my nephew

a much cuter picture of him...

Tuesday, February 23

Daytona Tuesday

LMAO... I could hardly believe it myself...

Monday, February 22

His name is Isaac

He arrived Friday just after 5:30pm by c-section and I can't wait to meet him.. the countdown is on for my trip to NB.

He looks like his mom :-)

Tuesday, February 16

Daytona Tuesday

yes I'm watching you two.... wait till you see how I found them a few short minutes later...

Wednesday, February 10

it's booked!

I'm off to visit my little sister and nephew mid-March... he's due Feb 12. I was feeling a little anxious about actually booking this trip originally but then out of no where my gf in Halifax emailed me and we had a back and forth about me going and yada yada... she's coming too!!

She is like a big sister... I've known her since I was 12 (now 31). She was originally my private tutor hired by my parents to help me overcome my struggles with dyslexia (while she was at UNB... she's now a child psychologist) and wham bam thank you mama she become a part of our family. My DH and I where in Hali 2 years ago this summer and he loved it there. so it's been awhile and I was so excited when she said she'd come to NB the same weekend. So more back and forth and now the plan is for me to fly in on a Friday night to Halifax, in the morning the two of us will make the drive to Fredericton NB and she's heading back on the Sunday and I'll fly out of Freddy late Tuesday morning so I have a couple more days with my sister and nephew.

If you've been reading my little blog for awhile you'll know I really struggled early in my sister's big announcement with the fact that it was her and not me. Finally I've been able to come to a place of excitement and it feels good to be here. My sister is a bit of a free-spirit and we're complete opposites but I love her for who she is and will love my nephew with open arms and full of excitement while still protecting my heart just a little. I would love to stand tall and be able to say I will be pregnant before I go for this trip but if history is to repeat itself that might not happen. Having my gf there will be a nice sort of distraction from what I don't have yet.

Tuesday, February 9

Clomid round 2

onto another round of clomid we go... hi ho, hi ho! (insert whistling... which I'm unable to do lol)

I'm feeling sort of ok today.. just kind of achy though, like a cold might be creeping in on me. Or it could just be the kick me in the but yoga class from last night.. maybe.

But something that is way more exciting I must share with you is that for the last 8 days I have been sugar/junk free!!!! My husband and I both have committed to do what we always knew we should be doing for the entire month of February... today is Day 9 and I'm finding I go in waves of feeling great to "oh" maybe my body is detoxing from something else today... aka dull headache anyone... ick. But I'm also really hoping my efforts will pay off in the long run. Can I finally loose some stinkin' weight already?

You see I'm an emotional eater and I'm telling you now... I on a regular, daily basis I would eat something I should now... a donut, chocolate bar, chips, cake, fast food, ice cream, cookies... the list goes on... but here's the thing I would never EVER be able to eat just 1 of these things... I'd binge and eat 2 or 3 or a combination of 3-4 of these things all within the span of an hour and in secret. It's been a steady roller coaster of these actions that has brought my body to where it is today and I can't tell you what number that is cause I refuse to step on a scale (I'm a size 18 sometimes 16). I have in the last couple of months at my ND's office and she recorded the number and that was that... I don't want to know it and she knows me well enough to not share it, express emotion of excitement or disappointment but to just write the number down so at least someone has it. But for me to get on the scale everyday... yuck.. forget it... I refuse to allow a scale dictate my day, my mood, my success.

So where was I? Ah yes emotional eating... so as you can probably imagine 8+ days of not binging and eating crap is huge!!! I'm feeling better then normal... and much less doughy then I use to. I'm going to get on the scale at my ND's office next week when I go for acupuncture but again I don't want to know anything about the results the scale shares... just write it down and lets move on.

We're following a paleo approach to eating within reason to what we're capable of affording and giving up.. like no more bricks of cheese in the fridge but still some parmesan in there and no more breads... using gluten-free products here and there... baby steps, baby steps.

Daytona Tuesday

"you don't mind if I just curl up right here... on top of you? do you mind dad?" ...apparently not!

- taken within the first couple of weeks after we brought him home, March 2007.

Thursday, February 4

Tuesday, February 2

Daytona Tuesday

Daytona is kinda like a greedy toddler... he always wants what someone else has... in this case... what his "uncle" Brandy has and he doesn't waste any time going after it. The kicker is Brandy gives it up without a fight! Which is hilarious but frustrating... anytime Brandy has sort of told Daytona where to go we all cheer and clap... yeah Brandy!!!! LOL

do you think your dog could put mine in his place?! Please?!!!! :-)