officially exhausted

I'm finally done being poked for this cycle (well other then acupuncture that is). And I just feel like I need a NAP!

I've been to u/s all 4 days of our short work week here and 2 iui's done early evening both Wednesday and Thursday. I think I may have released 2 follicles and there was a 30mm holding on this morning as well. Off to acupuncture this afternoon to make sure that one goes too but for now I am done! yeah!

Last night as I was heading home to pick up the "sample" there was an accident at the end of our street... thank god I didn't see it but as I was trying to drive past everything the woman was climbing out of the ditch her hands in the air screaming "stop, stop, stop". There where a lot of people that had stopped but I couldn't NOT stop too. I just pulled over and hugged her. She was shaking like a leaf and so worried about her granddaughter who had also been in the car but was out with her grandfather on the road. Everyone was ok just really shaken. So after I held this woman for awhile telling her everything was ok and everyone was fine the grandfather gives me this toddler and collapses to his knees shaking and holding his chest. I think he just needed a moment to absorb everything and once his granddaughter realized that she didn't know who I was she was reaching for him again in tears. And then I slipped away into my car to drive down our street to home so I could get you know what from my DH and head straight to the clinic. What a freaking night!

As my friend and ND said just the other day (even before this happened) "your baby wants a really good story!" And I would have to agree.

- RN's at clinic making sure I'm ok with twins
- 2 iui's (two different doctor's... think I've met them all now... lol)
- at least 2 mature released follicles released and maybe a 3rd today
- our 4th wedding anniversary
- possibility of DH being called away for work
- DH came with me to first IUI (first time he's seen me in that position with a dr. but he kept me laughing while we waited)
- and an accident

Here's hoping this is it and we'll be on our way to a healthy, happy baby of our own. :-)

Let the 2 week wait BEGIN!

Clomid - last pill - CD 7

so tonight I'll be poppin' my last clomid and I have to say I really haven't been feeling any side effects... so of course the mind wanders to ... maybe it's not a high enough dose blah blah blah...

I have to say it's weird somehow to be poppin' the clomid and then we haven't even started the BDing yet because we're waiting for the ov watch to chim in with it's predictions *beep beep* window open, window open... BD.. NOW! NOW! NOW! and now!

Maybe it will all just click finally... maybe it'll be another round of clomid with a higher dose, maybe this TTC stuff will all be over soon and we can start the 13 week panic of making it through the first trimester. After 28 months (minus a few mental breaks from trying) of TTC I'd be happy to substitute the 2 week wait for that kind of panic and finally seeing the 2 lines on a HPT.

My naturopath and I have decided to just throw anything and everything at this cycle... so I'll be doing 3 sessions of acupuncture (1st 1 tomorrow) and I read some stuff about robitussin and CM... so because clomid can dry things up a little I'm going to start taking the robitussin tomorrow to see if that works (also LOTS of water and some salty foods). Naturopath said it can't hurt me so cold syrup it is, restorative yoga as much as I can and then of course the baby dancing... My sweet husband is getting as restless as I am of late and we're both holding out so much hope for 2010. We're giving it everything we've got! :-)

again... sleepy

It's CD 25 and I'm keeping my distance from the things I know could drive me a little nuts as we wait to see if it'll be BFP or BFN this month. I'm so hopeful though (considering the shift in 'O' day) but at the same time it just doesn't seem possible... like winning the lottery... getting pregnant it one of those things where you either are or you aren't as far as I'm concerned. I know it will happen for us and I'm either a. trying to keep myself distracted from counting down the days past ovulation (9 today) or b. visualizing my husband and I staring at one of my 8 pregnancy pee strip tests that are suppose to expire Jan. 2010 and asking ourselves if we see a line or not or of course c. it ends up being next Friday and I'm pretty much convinced I'm pregnant because my cycle is so regular I must be pregnant. what's it going to be? hhhmmmmmm

Acupuncture session tonight, followed later tonight by more small business brain storming with a couple other fellow business women. We're making this a weekly thing to keep ourselves on track, accountable and keep our businesses moving onward and upward.

I'm heading to the yoga retreat right after work tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but I know it will be awesome! 7 yoga classes in total.... 4 of which happen on Saturday and then I should be heading home by 3pm on Sunday. I wonder how I'll be feeling by then? rested? relaxed? tired?

I'll be taking some pictures of course but will try and snap a pic or two on my cell to share here.

Happy weekend everyone!

acupuncture...

hurt like a m.other f**cker (excuse my language) last night and I'm sure it isn't going to get any better tomorrow when I go again or again next Thursday.... I'm assured that this is a good thing as it means the chi is moving and also lots of energy in my abdomen.. woohooo...

i guess it also hurts not only because of the stage in my cycle but some emotional points being hit as well... we actually get a good laugh in as she's putting the needles in and last night my ND promised that I could bring my child to her someday and she'd fill them in on all the craziness their mom went through just to have them! LOL

I'm feeling giddy with optimism this month... everything on so many levels is just going really well and timing with our sometimes crazy schedules is working out well too... 3 day weekend... 3 day week this week (yeah tomorrow is my Friday), extra long weekend of camping this weekend and then a 4 day work week with a yoga retreat weekend to cap things off... if that can't keep me mellow who know if it is even possible. :-)

I'm off to a nice sweat inducing yoga class tonight and then home to do a little work and relax with Daytona.... my DH is off on another wed. night dive tonight... which always makes him very happy :-) yeah! he's also diving one afternoon this weekend while we're away camping. After dive season is out of the way and no more wed. night dives I'm going to stay for an extra yoga class on wed. nights... yoga to nurture! I can't wait!

very interesting....

so it's month three using the ov watch and look at this.....

cycle 1 - O, CD 21

cycle 2 - O, CD 23

cycle 3 - O, CD 16!!!!!!!!! WTF!

CD 16 isn't that when most normal women ovulate? or close to it anyways. I couldn't believe it when I saw my wrist the other morning... I was sitting up all sleepy and trying to wake up enough to say good bye to my DH and give him a kiss and then I caught out the corner of my eye that the watch looked like it had more writing up then the typical NF it has been displaying night after night... FERTILE DAY 1... holy crap! Window had opened!!!

I emailed my Naturopath and she thought that was awesome and to keep up the good work... uh oh... you mean the eating healthier and getting in lots of yoga is probably what did this?! Nothing better then a complete shift in your cycle to keep you on track!

I should mention too that I've been doing contrast showers... which yes totally freaked me out in the beginning but its kinda routine now and helps me shake off the morning fog and get going. What's a contrast shower you ask???? I take my usual shower temperature and then when I'm done, knock it down to a colder temp. I nice catch your breath in your throat cold and make sure I get a good 30+ seconds on my neck and chest... which I guess is helping with my thyroid?! Even though testing came back normal for my thyroid my ND still wants to see a better number over all and this is suppose to help along with the better eating and sweating I've been doing and holy crap it must be working cause that O day is a dramatically different this month.

Off to get poked by some needles after work and then some other poking a little later tonight LMAO... yes I went there... sorry! haha

what is that in my ear?

so last night I had a great class at yoga although slightly rushed as I didn't stay to enjoy shavasana/meditation but headed off to see my naturopath for an acupuncture treatment at 7... so 10pm rolls around and I'm at home catching up with my dad on the phone and I'm switching my cell from side to side and then I touch me ear... what the hell is that?!

We where talking small business networking the whole time pretty much and I didn't realize that my naturopath has placed 2 small balls to part of my upper ear, sort of inside with tape... I sent her an email last night... did you forget something in my ear or should I leave these in? LOL I got my reply this morning and was told it has to do with keeping anxiety at bay and to keep them in for as long as I can possibly stand... and ever since I found them last night I'm completely conscience of them... or perhaps I'm just conscience of the fact I need to breath deep and chill out for these next couple of weeks. A physical reminder if you will like string tied to a finger! :-)

I have another session with her on Thursday too... fingers crossed DH sperm have caught the egg and are getting to work! Last night on the drive home I had these thoughts of cartoon sperm hanging out waiting for the egg to make it's entrance... pictured them reading magazines, playing ping pong... like a bunch of guys hanging out in a college rec room or something. LOL Yes I know I'm a bit of a goof! But the thought just makes me smile and it's hard not to laugh and tell someone what I'm thinking... so I get to tell you instead.

Very excited about some new ideas and steps I'm taking with my small business... things are just kind of lining up with regard to a weekly networking opportunity and I think it's time to make the commitement to myself and my future in small business. That is the plan afterall to hold out in my full time gig, get my 1 year of mat leave and just keep on trucking with my small business, never actually going back to the full time job. I'm going to check out a meeting on Friday, very early in the a.m..... so we'll see!

therapy

at a quick glance at my older posts it doesn't look like I've talked about my session with my therapist... which honestly people if you don't have a therapist this just translate to a really great chat or release with someone who won't judge.

So to sum up my session... I'm OK. LOL We had a good laugh towards the end of the session because she pretty much said she was very worried (told her briefly in an email that I wanted to see her because my younger sister is pregnant) about me and how my sister's pregnancy might effect just how well I am doing. But she was really surprised and pleased with the way I was handling it and that I was able to separate her pregnancy from my own life and happiness. Yeah sure I'm going to get a little bummed at times with my sister's pregnancy and whatever might be thrown at me in a text (like the one I got the other day asking me to go buy her some maternity clothes at old navy... ah NO... you can get them in your province albeit it's a 2 hour drive but still... come on, she makes the trip to that city every week for work!), email or over the phone but she is in another province and I don't have to see her regularly.. the situation as it stands now... couldn't be more perfect.

I have basically decided that if being pregnant right this second meant being in a relationship like the one my sister is in... then I don't want it. Over the last few months my sister and her fiance have been on the brink of a break up, my sister complaining and cry about how her fiance isn't being there for her and taking care of their home etc and they also decided to post pone their wedding which was previously going to be Sept. 5, 09. I do want her to be happy, and succeed and I hope that her relationship will survive the biggest challenge of their lives as they wait for this little one to arrive.

Okay back to me... ov watch is now at Ovulation day 1... I've entered our baby dancing details into my fertilityfriend.com account and we got a score of 'good' (score can be low, good or high).... I'll take that this month.... also on Sunday I felt a bit tender on the right side of my abdomen... so maybe that was ovulation pain? who knows... I've feeling good about our window this month and now the waiting starts before just maybe I'll make it far enough to use one of the pregnancy tests I've had on hand since we started this journey... yeah... since we started. I bought a bunch from early-pregnancy-tests.com way back in the fall of 2007... I looked at them last week and they expire Jan. 2010... which makes me laugh but in a truly "I'm so sad" kinda way. LOL

Tonight I have yoga and then it's time for some acupuncture. My naturopath and friend was so sweet to answer my emails on a Friday night "the watch said it's go time when should I schedule some acupuncture!" So I've got a session tonight and one scheduled from Thursday but I'm sure she'll let me know if I need to keep that session or not.

AND so proud of myself I filed ALL the papers/bills etc that where on my desk.. I had sorted them previously by business, personal and husband and then last night it took me an hour to put them into their respective files in the filing cabinet. Also in that hour I sorted receipts and filed'em and did some shredding. One more thing crossed OFF my list of to do's!!! woohooo :-)

last chance for '09

so this month the window is looming and I'm feeling optimistic... if we where to conceive this month I'd be looking for that BFP on my 31st birthday... yeah I know... its going to be hard not to get my hopes up AND a Christmas delivery. This is the last chance for a 2009 baby.

Turning 30 wasn't such a big deal but I worry what my 31st birthday and no baby news would send me into a tail spin if I'm not careful. As my husband has said... he's not done trying yet. So I will keep on going and if we aren't lucky this month I'm going to buy an ov watch with birthday money. And then we'll see how many months without a positive I can stand before I put my foot down and go to the doctor to get some testing started. My naturopath has been so supportive as she and her husband tried for two years as well. We'll hit the 2 year mark this September.

I flip flop on getting the testing started just about every other day. Part of me is really afraid I will need some kind of lap surgery or tube "blow out" to get pregnant... and I'm not sure where that comes from since my own mother didn't have any issues conceiving. Then there is the side of me that says no don't call the doctor yet... they're just going to tell you to loose weight. I don't know how I've come to associate my ability to conceive with my weight... I guess other then my husband I don't have anyone in my family that gets what I'm going through. Then I have been encouraged by some to just gets started with the testing sooner then later... but here's the thing... going down the infertility treatment road is expensive and right now there is no room in the budget for these types of treatments... so maybe I'm avoiding the fertility dr's because I really don't want to know just yet that we are going to need there help.

oh geessssss I'm a bit of mess today I guess, rambling away. Just in my head at least... otherwise I've been feeling pretty good overall.

off to yoga tonight, massage on saturday and acupuncture next week.

ouch!

okay last night acupuncture hurt a bight... I can handle it but it surprised me since it didn't really the last time.... so why this time? Because of where I am in my cycle. I've either just ovulated or its coming very soon.

baby dust this way please... fingers crossed for this month. :-)

My sweet husband has been so great this month... I guess with the new year its clicked for him just how much he wants to get our family started to. He's been poppin' the fertilaid and he makes me laugh everyday... which keeps the stress away... sometimes talking about the "window"and "is the window still open".... a recent text converstation included talk about the window to which he also said "is the porch light still on?" and "is the circus still in town?" Love him! LOL

Acupuncture

I had an acupuncture session with my naturopath today and an adjustment at the chiropractor. But the point of this post is the acupuncture... just thought I'd add it to the mix for this months baby making efforts... naturopath said its best to get as close to ovulation as possible... today is CD 10 and I have another appointment a week from today CD 17. I figure somewhere in there I'll be kinda close to ovulation.

Also she told me my calories where kinda low and suggested I start taking in 1700 based on my height, age, weight (guess on this since I refuse to allow a scale to dictate my mood). The concern is of course to be healthier but not to put my body into a starvation mode and in turn affect my already regular cycle.

I've started doing yoga again too... a bend, breath and conceive yoga practice and I'm really enjoying it, the breath and meditation has been awesome and I've had some awesome nights sleep this week.