Wednesday, June 22

When do you give up?

Another month of disappointment. When do you give up? How many more times do we try when all we know is disappointment 27-32 days at a time....

I'm tired... but like any other month myself & my husband will pick ourselves up out of this funk and carry on... cause the idea of missing another opportunity now matter how badly the odds are stacked against us is better then giving up all together. But seriously... can we just once finally have a happy ending... just once is all I'm asking for.

Tuesday, June 14

Daytona Tuesday

That's quite the stretch there Daytona...

Thursday, June 2

Me (1982)

This was in my Nanny's livingroom... she's in a nursing home now and the house has been divided up, cleaned up and sold.

Wednesday, June 1

Daytona Tuesday (belated)

It's too hot most days now but he loves to go in the truck with us... sorry dude... gonna have to wait awhile before you can run errands with me all day.

Tuesday, May 31

My hopes for 2011.. what's left of it

- start eating and moving as though I am actually pregnant... I need to step away from the desk more often then I do and respect my time to be quiet and peaceful.

- purchase another lens to add to my equipment in 2011

- network, network, network... keep building my business and make connections with people I can employ/subcontract to to ease the work load for when I need to take time away from my business when our baby finally decides to make their grand entrance into our lives.

- photography workshop - the flight is already booked I just need to pay for the workshop next and I'm laughing... I can't wait to take off from my routine and meet some new and exciting photographers the end of August. And of course spend time with my "big sister" relaxing.... workshop is 3 days then I'll have another 7 to chill and process the info from the workshop too :-)

- build up business enough so we don't have to rent the student apartment in our basement come Sept.... I want to move my office into that room making it easier to meet with clients without having them walk through my home and worrying about how clean the kitchen is... ya know what I mean?

- continued work with Daytona so we can walk past a dog without him mouthing off

- have fun! take time out to enjoy my amazing husband... we have some little getaways and overnights planned for the summer, some camping etc so I'm looking forward to working on just being present and enjoying being able to do these things with him. We celebrated 5 years married this month and I think I fell in love with him even more that night. He means so much to me!

and of course....

- baby, baby, baby... I just want to be pregnant and soon

My hopes for 2010 (revisited)

So obviously I didn't write something for early 2011 so let's just take a look at how 2010 wrapped up and then I'll create my new list for what is left of 2011

... continue with my weekly small business meeting with 3 other women as we support each other to grow our business and tackle this list of things we always want and mean to do but never seem to get to. Putting the procrastination book and fast track phototog book on the list of tasks with this group so they'll keep me accountable

~ this is always evolving but so far two of us are always checking in with each other and we've since added a new friend to the team... it feels so great to have girlfriends I can let my guard down with

... want to purchase a new camera body and at least 2 lens

~ I got my Canon 5D Mark II a couple of months ago :-) and purchased those 2 lenses in 2010

... I will keep up my yoga classes at the studio twice a week and a third class on Saturday morning whenever possible

~ yoga happens twice a week most of the time. I've put it in my calendar and schedule most of my meetings/appointments around yoga class

... to honour the importance Daytona plays in our lives. He provides us so much comedic relief on a daily basis he deserves a good play or walk as much as possible. When I think about a maternity leave I think about not having to leave him all day

~ we started some work with a new dog behaviourist and I'm happy to report that he no longer spends his time in the garage when we are not at home.. he's in the house.. chillin' on the couch or digging into his toy box of interesting toys he only gets when we are not home. We also give him biocalm about an hour before we leave. No more destructo dog! :-)

... emotional eating... continue taking steps, however slowly, to make changes in my relationship with food

~ baby steps... this is a difficult one for me and something I'm sure I'll have to work on my entire life.. right now I'm just trying to not beat myself up when I don't think I'm doing enough

I see 2010 holding a big change in terms of my job... the company is a little shaky and I'm either going to find myself on mat leave by this time next year OR striking out on my own again with my small business. Ultimately this has always been the goal... the job was to get the mortgage and then a mat leave we just didn't think it would take this long to get pregnant... that said I can't help but believe that everything truly does happen for a reason. Now that I'm being more active in my business and making it grow again and taking control of the things that left me blind to how well my business was or wasn't doing (hello! bookkeeping done for 2009 already and not in april 2010!).

~ well I did hit this one out of the park... left the job end of October and while things where a little slow in Jan/Feb. everything has been going really well and I have to manage my time carefully to ensure I stay on top of all my projects.

Thursday, February 3

FB retards and my Boozin' sister

Anybody else sick of this "I'm expecting snow" bullshit on facebook? Has your heart sunk as you think bitch she's pregnant again only to finish reading and it's about expecting snow?! Grrrr

Seriously wish that more women could see beyond themselves and consider for just a moment how they're actions might effect others.

I imagine my own facebook status to someday read....

"...3 years, X months, more tears then one person could count in a lifetime, xx babies born to friends/family but never my own. Please forgive me if you are struggling with fertility but today it is my turn to tell everyone... I'm pregnant! And will from here on in subject you to ridiculous FB updates"

FYI. I'm not pregnant... not yet anyways. I'm seriously considering just falling off facebook land once I am though. Some status updates are just ridiculous.

Oh and here's a doozie or rather boozie... my sister. My nephew will be 1 this month and she'll be celebrating with a birthday party starting at 7pm with mention of munchies and to BYOB. Announced on FB. No mention of a "kid" related gathering that might be more appropriate for a 12 month old. WTF?!?

Ok rant done. Bed.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, January 17

Clairevoyants and TTC

I started this post Dec. 21, 2010... oy!

Ok I'm going to just try and keep this brief since I'm not entirely sure anyone is still reading lol

I had a short 15 minute session with a clairvoyant before Christmas and I have got to tell you that it brought me so SO much peace. Now I realize this isn't for everyone but for me I value what she had to say because another friend of mine had a reading with her a very long time ago and was hold when she'd conceive and that she'd have a boy and then x number of months later a girl and well.... that's exactly what happening so I have to give this woman credit in that she obviously has a gift.

So what's the big news as far as conception goes for my DH and I... we'll conceive this year! YES YES YES! She might as well have told me I was pregnant I was so relieved and excited and relieved. Now she did tell me the 2 months it will likely happen by but I'm keeping those under wraps until I have something to share with everyone. Nothing like the stress of people asking if we're pregnant yet if they know the months too.. right?!

I've taken myself off the list for a lap (she told me we'd require no medical interventions, but did ask me if I'd been tested for acid within my uterus so I'm exploring what type of diet will bring this into check and even ordered some pH strips to pee on). I'm feeding my body better foods and I just feel so great knowing that our little one is going to be conceived this year. I didn't even ask what the sex of the baby would be... she also told me by the time our first was 14-16 months we will conceive our second and that I will be really REALLY excited. She also told me I'll never work for anyone every again (thank you!)

That's about it for now though. I've just been working hard within my business, remembering to take some down time as much as I can to keep the stress at bay