It's CD 25 and I'm keeping my distance from the things I know could drive me a little nuts as we wait to see if it'll be BFP or BFN this month. I'm so hopeful though (considering the shift in 'O' day) but at the same time it just doesn't seem possible... like winning the lottery... getting pregnant it one of those things where you either are or you aren't as far as I'm concerned. I know it will happen for us and I'm either a. trying to keep myself distracted from counting down the days past ovulation (9 today) or b. visualizing my husband and I staring at one of my 8 pregnancy pee strip tests that are suppose to expire Jan. 2010 and asking ourselves if we see a line or not or of course c. it ends up being next Friday and I'm pretty much convinced I'm pregnant because my cycle is so regular I must be pregnant. what's it going to be? hhhmmmmmm
Acupuncture session tonight, followed later tonight by more small business brain storming with a couple other fellow business women. We're making this a weekly thing to keep ourselves on track, accountable and keep our businesses moving onward and upward.
I'm heading to the yoga retreat right after work tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but I know it will be awesome! 7 yoga classes in total.... 4 of which happen on Saturday and then I should be heading home by 3pm on Sunday. I wonder how I'll be feeling by then? rested? relaxed? tired?
I'll be taking some pictures of course but will try and snap a pic or two on my cell to share here.
Happy weekend everyone!
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17
Wednesday, September 16
sleepy
that's how I've been feeling since we returned for our mini holiday in Tobermory... we had an awesome time and it felt so great to be sleeping in a tent, waking up and starting our day slowly chilling out by a nice warm fire to dry out the mornings dew.
but I'm sleepy... falling asleep on the couch at night and that yummy kind of slumber that you don't want to get up from in the morning.
luckily this is a short week for me again and then I have the yoga retreat this weekend... so hopefully more of the same slumber, early morning sunshine and lots of yogahhhhhh :-)
I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the counting and such as we wait to see if AF will appear again this month... feeling a sense of hope but hoping if she does I won't fall apart with disappointment. Seeing the 'o' day fall on CD 16 vs the other months of CD 21 and 23 just seems to hold so much promise and excitement for a successful month and finally our own BFP!
on pregnant little sister news... they are having a boy... I feel a little relieved somehow that it's a boy and not a girl... I guess I'm hoping for a girl and at least she hasn't taken that away... does that make sense? She called to tell me on Monday and through the conversation she also filled me in on her plan for the winter semester... she's going to take about a week - week and a half off when the baby arrives and then go right back to class... I think she said she was going to take 3 classes that semester. Little sister tags/posts are here if you care to catch up on the drama. lol
haircut tonight, acupuncture tomorrow and yogahhhh on friday... keeping things pretty mellow and zen so far as to ward off any stress that might get in the way of our TTC efforts :-)
but I'm sleepy... falling asleep on the couch at night and that yummy kind of slumber that you don't want to get up from in the morning.
luckily this is a short week for me again and then I have the yoga retreat this weekend... so hopefully more of the same slumber, early morning sunshine and lots of yogahhhhhh :-)
I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the counting and such as we wait to see if AF will appear again this month... feeling a sense of hope but hoping if she does I won't fall apart with disappointment. Seeing the 'o' day fall on CD 16 vs the other months of CD 21 and 23 just seems to hold so much promise and excitement for a successful month and finally our own BFP!
on pregnant little sister news... they are having a boy... I feel a little relieved somehow that it's a boy and not a girl... I guess I'm hoping for a girl and at least she hasn't taken that away... does that make sense? She called to tell me on Monday and through the conversation she also filled me in on her plan for the winter semester... she's going to take about a week - week and a half off when the baby arrives and then go right back to class... I think she said she was going to take 3 classes that semester. Little sister tags/posts are here if you care to catch up on the drama. lol
haircut tonight, acupuncture tomorrow and yogahhhh on friday... keeping things pretty mellow and zen so far as to ward off any stress that might get in the way of our TTC efforts :-)
Wednesday, September 9
acupuncture...
hurt like a m.other f**cker (excuse my language) last night and I'm sure it isn't going to get any better tomorrow when I go again or again next Thursday.... I'm assured that this is a good thing as it means the chi is moving and also lots of energy in my abdomen.. woohooo...
i guess it also hurts not only because of the stage in my cycle but some emotional points being hit as well... we actually get a good laugh in as she's putting the needles in and last night my ND promised that I could bring my child to her someday and she'd fill them in on all the craziness their mom went through just to have them! LOL
I'm feeling giddy with optimism this month... everything on so many levels is just going really well and timing with our sometimes crazy schedules is working out well too... 3 day weekend... 3 day week this week (yeah tomorrow is my Friday), extra long weekend of camping this weekend and then a 4 day work week with a yoga retreat weekend to cap things off... if that can't keep me mellow who know if it is even possible. :-)
I'm off to a nice sweat inducing yoga class tonight and then home to do a little work and relax with Daytona.... my DH is off on another wed. night dive tonight... which always makes him very happy :-) yeah! he's also diving one afternoon this weekend while we're away camping. After dive season is out of the way and no more wed. night dives I'm going to stay for an extra yoga class on wed. nights... yoga to nurture! I can't wait!
i guess it also hurts not only because of the stage in my cycle but some emotional points being hit as well... we actually get a good laugh in as she's putting the needles in and last night my ND promised that I could bring my child to her someday and she'd fill them in on all the craziness their mom went through just to have them! LOL
I'm feeling giddy with optimism this month... everything on so many levels is just going really well and timing with our sometimes crazy schedules is working out well too... 3 day weekend... 3 day week this week (yeah tomorrow is my Friday), extra long weekend of camping this weekend and then a 4 day work week with a yoga retreat weekend to cap things off... if that can't keep me mellow who know if it is even possible. :-)
I'm off to a nice sweat inducing yoga class tonight and then home to do a little work and relax with Daytona.... my DH is off on another wed. night dive tonight... which always makes him very happy :-) yeah! he's also diving one afternoon this weekend while we're away camping. After dive season is out of the way and no more wed. night dives I'm going to stay for an extra yoga class on wed. nights... yoga to nurture! I can't wait!
Thursday, August 27
a good kinda tired...
I am pooped today... I happy tired but tired and thinking I'm not going to do my crazy 2 yoga classes in a row Thursday night, night.
Last night's kick my ass yoga class involved sprints... sprints up hill... 3 of them. Then I also took Daytona for a walk when I got home.
So back to last nights class... it was the first time I actually was brave enough to bring my sneakers as usually I just stay at the studio while the rest of the group goes out for the run part. So I laced up my sneakers like everyone else and off we went... it was funny because for the first time I actual started to feel like a part of this kick your ass yoga class group. I trust A. completely and she was excited that I had decided to join them outside too. So sprinting it is and I felt GREAT! I got lots of encouragement from the other ladies... no guys there that night and even 1 woman said I had been doing great with the class. I've been going 3 weeks now and I'm super excited for the fall as A. has decided to put a 3rd class on the weekly schedule for the kick your ass yoga class. wooohooo!!! It feels good to have found something I enjoy, something that I don't dread going to and a place where I feel strong enough to just do what I am capable of on any given day and know that that is enough and still a job well done!
A. was first a photo client of mine and then a graphic/web client. I've been to her son's birthday parties and annual Christmas gatherings. I've been the pregnancy, tot and family photographer. She has been such an amazing person in my life and also someone who has struggled with fertility.
Over these last 5+ years we've known each other she has never once pushed me to come to a yoga class or be healthier. I think that she's just been waiting until I was ready and when I told her I was I knew it was game on and it has been exactly that! Sure my eating isn't exactly fabulous but feeling better inside and out equates to eating better and it's all been a process for me. I'm not a weight loss scale watcher and my progress is simply based on how I feel today... what fits better then last month or last year. I'm just taking each day on one day at a time. Being better then the day before will mean a lifestyle change that I've been growing into vs the abrupt changes and diets and exercise programs I've tried and failed at REPEATEDLY in my life. I can see myself 6 months from now still practising yoga, becoming better and stronger in all areas of my life and I can see myself still doing these things as my family grows, as we wait for that baby to grow in my belly, as we find our way as new parents, finally getting to that place of healthy living and choosing the walk around the block over the show on t.v. that night.
I was thinking about all these things last night as I rushed home to let Daytona out and get a walk in. How for so many months/years before right now I had always said I wanted to loose weight before getting pregnant but I just couldn't bring myself to do it... to do it the way I thought it needed to be done and so I kept failing, never once being strong enough to make the changes, defeated before I could even begin. And now without realizing it I have finally kind of made it... I've done enough to have made progress without monitoring my progress and feeling frustrated having not seen the changes I thought the me of 1 year ago should have seen. I'm finally further up the road to being a better me then I was and I didn't realize I had been doing it. I feel like I'm over the hump of how do I make me a priority? I've done it... I've scheduled the time and although I know there is no finish line per say on this journey I know I've come far enough now that I'm not going to loose myself again.
I hope that makes sense to anyone that's bared with me long enough to read it all. I could probably go on and on and on but I promised my DH that I'd book our camp site etc for our little holiday we're taking in September.
Happy Thursday and Nameste! :-)
Last night's kick my ass yoga class involved sprints... sprints up hill... 3 of them. Then I also took Daytona for a walk when I got home.
So back to last nights class... it was the first time I actually was brave enough to bring my sneakers as usually I just stay at the studio while the rest of the group goes out for the run part. So I laced up my sneakers like everyone else and off we went... it was funny because for the first time I actual started to feel like a part of this kick your ass yoga class group. I trust A. completely and she was excited that I had decided to join them outside too. So sprinting it is and I felt GREAT! I got lots of encouragement from the other ladies... no guys there that night and even 1 woman said I had been doing great with the class. I've been going 3 weeks now and I'm super excited for the fall as A. has decided to put a 3rd class on the weekly schedule for the kick your ass yoga class. wooohooo!!! It feels good to have found something I enjoy, something that I don't dread going to and a place where I feel strong enough to just do what I am capable of on any given day and know that that is enough and still a job well done!
A. was first a photo client of mine and then a graphic/web client. I've been to her son's birthday parties and annual Christmas gatherings. I've been the pregnancy, tot and family photographer. She has been such an amazing person in my life and also someone who has struggled with fertility.
Over these last 5+ years we've known each other she has never once pushed me to come to a yoga class or be healthier. I think that she's just been waiting until I was ready and when I told her I was I knew it was game on and it has been exactly that! Sure my eating isn't exactly fabulous but feeling better inside and out equates to eating better and it's all been a process for me. I'm not a weight loss scale watcher and my progress is simply based on how I feel today... what fits better then last month or last year. I'm just taking each day on one day at a time. Being better then the day before will mean a lifestyle change that I've been growing into vs the abrupt changes and diets and exercise programs I've tried and failed at REPEATEDLY in my life. I can see myself 6 months from now still practising yoga, becoming better and stronger in all areas of my life and I can see myself still doing these things as my family grows, as we wait for that baby to grow in my belly, as we find our way as new parents, finally getting to that place of healthy living and choosing the walk around the block over the show on t.v. that night.
I was thinking about all these things last night as I rushed home to let Daytona out and get a walk in. How for so many months/years before right now I had always said I wanted to loose weight before getting pregnant but I just couldn't bring myself to do it... to do it the way I thought it needed to be done and so I kept failing, never once being strong enough to make the changes, defeated before I could even begin. And now without realizing it I have finally kind of made it... I've done enough to have made progress without monitoring my progress and feeling frustrated having not seen the changes I thought the me of 1 year ago should have seen. I'm finally further up the road to being a better me then I was and I didn't realize I had been doing it. I feel like I'm over the hump of how do I make me a priority? I've done it... I've scheduled the time and although I know there is no finish line per say on this journey I know I've come far enough now that I'm not going to loose myself again.
I hope that makes sense to anyone that's bared with me long enough to read it all. I could probably go on and on and on but I promised my DH that I'd book our camp site etc for our little holiday we're taking in September.
Happy Thursday and Nameste! :-)
Friday, August 14
yoga
ok internet I did 4 yoga classes this week and three of them where hard, who am I kidding the 4th one was hard too only because my body was pretty tired from all the other yoga and it just refused to release the tension in my hips and let me really get into a great stretch.
I've tried all kinds of things when it comes to being active but nothing seems to stick or I get really board with it, frustrated that I haven't lost enough weight, and just generally irritated by the whole process. I've done the gym thing, DVD's galore (P90, slim in 6, turbo jam, winsor pilates, power half hour), personal trainer, herbal weight loss crap and I even tried going back to dancing (danced for 14 years growing up - tap, jazz, ballet). But out of all these things what seems to be working for me right now at this point in my life is yoga. AND not stepping foot on the scale. That little bathroom floor contraption is the worst thing you could possibly put your two feet on (in my personal opinion) and I think it's probably been close to 8-10 months since I've stepped on one. So how will I know if the yoga is really working? Cause I feel DAMN good!
Yoga is keeping my mind in check, my subconscious from beating the crap out of my ego and is constantly teaching me new things. Last night the instructor was talking about respecting what your body is capable of today and how that differs from yesterday and how that is completely ok and to accept it. This was so true for me last night, I was frustrated that I was so tight in my hips and couldn't really let go into all the relaxed postures of the restorative class. But I've asked a lot of my body this week with the way more demanding classes I took and I felt strong in those classes so of course my body is tired and fighting me a little on all the stretching and bending I was asking from it. And since I started in March I have been able to buy a smaller size, 1 size smaller then I'd normally grab. And that makes me smile on the inside... to know that my body is responding and likes what I'm asking it to do.
I've tried all kinds of things when it comes to being active but nothing seems to stick or I get really board with it, frustrated that I haven't lost enough weight, and just generally irritated by the whole process. I've done the gym thing, DVD's galore (P90, slim in 6, turbo jam, winsor pilates, power half hour), personal trainer, herbal weight loss crap and I even tried going back to dancing (danced for 14 years growing up - tap, jazz, ballet). But out of all these things what seems to be working for me right now at this point in my life is yoga. AND not stepping foot on the scale. That little bathroom floor contraption is the worst thing you could possibly put your two feet on (in my personal opinion) and I think it's probably been close to 8-10 months since I've stepped on one. So how will I know if the yoga is really working? Cause I feel DAMN good!
Yoga is keeping my mind in check, my subconscious from beating the crap out of my ego and is constantly teaching me new things. Last night the instructor was talking about respecting what your body is capable of today and how that differs from yesterday and how that is completely ok and to accept it. This was so true for me last night, I was frustrated that I was so tight in my hips and couldn't really let go into all the relaxed postures of the restorative class. But I've asked a lot of my body this week with the way more demanding classes I took and I felt strong in those classes so of course my body is tired and fighting me a little on all the stretching and bending I was asking from it. And since I started in March I have been able to buy a smaller size, 1 size smaller then I'd normally grab. And that makes me smile on the inside... to know that my body is responding and likes what I'm asking it to do.
Thursday, July 23
wanted to share...
I've been making my way through Sue's blog and came across this post.
Mind Body Fertility Connection
By: James Schwartz
"The fertility journey is about much more than bringing children into the world. It can be a pathway to personal discovery as we challenge ourselves to heal the old wounds and experiences that have been holding us back in life. It can be the achievement of wellness and balance of mind, body, and spirit. It can be a bridge to enlightenment as we learn to let go, be in harmony with the natural world, and embrace our connection with the universe. Any healing we do for ourselves, regardless of the issue, becomes a gift to future generations, as children learn by observing our behavior every moment they are in our presence. The healing we do creates a ripple effect, because our power and influence is felt by everyone around us.
The fertility journey is about learning to love and honor ourselves, standing in our power, choosing to nurture ourselves with wholesome foods and positive thoughts, building loving relationships, having patience, accepting the imperfections of life, practicing forgiveness, bravely facing our fears, and letting go of all the stuff in our lives that does not support our higher vision of motherhood."
The second paragraph is what really speaks to me today... today is another day on my path of TTC ups and downs... I'm feeling period-ish and of course the "wipe and look" has started (CD 30 / 9DPO)... some brownish but no real AF just yet... I'm hopeful but at the same time preparing myself for the disappointment.
I cried on my way into work today... just needed to let some of it out... with the first of the brownish stuff showing up late last night it's almost like a secret I don't want to give a voice to just yet... a bad secret that carries disappointment, tears, frustration, anxiety and fear of the unknown.
I never like to tell my husband until I'm SURE that yes it's that damn 'aunt flow' again. So tonight I'll go to my two yoga classes and I'll focus all my energy, thoughts and love to the possibility of landing safely this time on the rock just outside my reach or maybe this time the fall won't be so bad... maybe it will be easier to get up and brush myself off, replace the sensor on the ov watch and start again knowing that even with a new start, another cycle I'm one more month closer to becoming a mom.
Mind Body Fertility Connection
By: James Schwartz
"The fertility journey is about much more than bringing children into the world. It can be a pathway to personal discovery as we challenge ourselves to heal the old wounds and experiences that have been holding us back in life. It can be the achievement of wellness and balance of mind, body, and spirit. It can be a bridge to enlightenment as we learn to let go, be in harmony with the natural world, and embrace our connection with the universe. Any healing we do for ourselves, regardless of the issue, becomes a gift to future generations, as children learn by observing our behavior every moment they are in our presence. The healing we do creates a ripple effect, because our power and influence is felt by everyone around us.
The fertility journey is about learning to love and honor ourselves, standing in our power, choosing to nurture ourselves with wholesome foods and positive thoughts, building loving relationships, having patience, accepting the imperfections of life, practicing forgiveness, bravely facing our fears, and letting go of all the stuff in our lives that does not support our higher vision of motherhood."
The second paragraph is what really speaks to me today... today is another day on my path of TTC ups and downs... I'm feeling period-ish and of course the "wipe and look" has started (CD 30 / 9DPO)... some brownish but no real AF just yet... I'm hopeful but at the same time preparing myself for the disappointment.
I cried on my way into work today... just needed to let some of it out... with the first of the brownish stuff showing up late last night it's almost like a secret I don't want to give a voice to just yet... a bad secret that carries disappointment, tears, frustration, anxiety and fear of the unknown.
I never like to tell my husband until I'm SURE that yes it's that damn 'aunt flow' again. So tonight I'll go to my two yoga classes and I'll focus all my energy, thoughts and love to the possibility of landing safely this time on the rock just outside my reach or maybe this time the fall won't be so bad... maybe it will be easier to get up and brush myself off, replace the sensor on the ov watch and start again knowing that even with a new start, another cycle I'm one more month closer to becoming a mom.
Friday, July 10
touch
Last night I was a bight of a keener and took not one but two yoga classes but in my defense it was two pretty wonderfully simple classes.
First up Foundations... continued learning of the basics, to work into the pose, mindful of breath, of thought and self... lovely. Then I decided to run a few errants as I had an hour and a half to kill before the next one at 8:30pm... Restorative!
OMG! This is only the second time I've taken Melanie's class (being that I live another 30 minutes north of my place of work I never want to do double the driving in one day) and I'm SO hooked... restorative is kinda like giving yourself the most special gift you could give. A wonderful series of stretches, twists, breath, oms and aaahhhhs! All truly wonderful things come in small packages and Melanie fits perfectly.... her voice throughout the class a constant reminder to bring yourself back to that precise moment, to let all thoughts go to turn off the sub conscience mind and just be present. An absolute release from everything cluttering the mind and body on any given day. And then the icing on the cake... Melanie quietly tip toes from person to person... picking up one arm gently while laying in savasana (on your back arms to the side, palms up, ready to receive) her hands slick with the most wonderful oil/lotion/scent concoction as she lightly pulls your arm, one at a time, to one side, then the other, then gently down again with a soft push against my palm as her finger tips push mine to open up just a little bight more with the most wonderful softest touch....
Yummy yummy class it was! I don't get home until 10:30pm but it is SO worth the late night.
And on the ov watch front.....CD 17! AND Fertile DAY 1!!!!!!!
I was up at 12:30am to go to the bathroom and looked at the watch and couldn't beleive it when I saw the display had changed from NF to Fertile Day 1.... :-) Can you guess how we celebrated?!!!! LOL ...based on the CD 17 today that puts the ov watch prediction for ovulation on CD 21 (Tuesday) and after a quick look at my charts on fertilityfriend.com from the months I did track... I'm thinking we've been missing the boat completely.... showing up to early to the party and when we went back it was over!
First up Foundations... continued learning of the basics, to work into the pose, mindful of breath, of thought and self... lovely. Then I decided to run a few errants as I had an hour and a half to kill before the next one at 8:30pm... Restorative!
OMG! This is only the second time I've taken Melanie's class (being that I live another 30 minutes north of my place of work I never want to do double the driving in one day) and I'm SO hooked... restorative is kinda like giving yourself the most special gift you could give. A wonderful series of stretches, twists, breath, oms and aaahhhhs! All truly wonderful things come in small packages and Melanie fits perfectly.... her voice throughout the class a constant reminder to bring yourself back to that precise moment, to let all thoughts go to turn off the sub conscience mind and just be present. An absolute release from everything cluttering the mind and body on any given day. And then the icing on the cake... Melanie quietly tip toes from person to person... picking up one arm gently while laying in savasana (on your back arms to the side, palms up, ready to receive) her hands slick with the most wonderful oil/lotion/scent concoction as she lightly pulls your arm, one at a time, to one side, then the other, then gently down again with a soft push against my palm as her finger tips push mine to open up just a little bight more with the most wonderful softest touch....
Yummy yummy class it was! I don't get home until 10:30pm but it is SO worth the late night.
And on the ov watch front.....CD 17! AND Fertile DAY 1!!!!!!!
I was up at 12:30am to go to the bathroom and looked at the watch and couldn't beleive it when I saw the display had changed from NF to Fertile Day 1.... :-) Can you guess how we celebrated?!!!! LOL ...based on the CD 17 today that puts the ov watch prediction for ovulation on CD 21 (Tuesday) and after a quick look at my charts on fertilityfriend.com from the months I did track... I'm thinking we've been missing the boat completely.... showing up to early to the party and when we went back it was over!
Thursday, June 11
tired
feeling very tired this afternoon... not sure if I just need some air or if perhaps my late nights are catching up to me... they aren't as late as they've been in the past but I can feel myself slipping back into that routine again... must correct it!! I really did feel more accomplished getting up earlier and to bed by 10
Off to yoga tonight and then onto a massage. but this time a lymphatic drainage massage. when I saw the reflexologist last week she thought this could be an area that is causing me problems and she grabbed a hold of the inside/side of my knee and she said "this hurts doesn't it?" and it DOES! I've always known that it does but thought it was a result of my weight... well yes it's weight but it could be my lymphatic system not draining properly... I"m expecting a very relaxing massage a quite drive home and then epson salt bath and bed. I just wish I didn't have to do a 30 minute drive home... hope this massage doesn't knock me out completely and I wake up feeling a little more alive in the morning! lol
okay heading over to yoga and will take a little walk as I wait for the teacher to arrive... I'm always early... I mean really there is no point in driving home just to turn around and come back again in time for a class... that is why I LOVE the 5:30 class!!
Off to yoga tonight and then onto a massage. but this time a lymphatic drainage massage. when I saw the reflexologist last week she thought this could be an area that is causing me problems and she grabbed a hold of the inside/side of my knee and she said "this hurts doesn't it?" and it DOES! I've always known that it does but thought it was a result of my weight... well yes it's weight but it could be my lymphatic system not draining properly... I"m expecting a very relaxing massage a quite drive home and then epson salt bath and bed. I just wish I didn't have to do a 30 minute drive home... hope this massage doesn't knock me out completely and I wake up feeling a little more alive in the morning! lol
okay heading over to yoga and will take a little walk as I wait for the teacher to arrive... I'm always early... I mean really there is no point in driving home just to turn around and come back again in time for a class... that is why I LOVE the 5:30 class!!
Tuesday, April 14
flippin' n floppin'
I can hold up so much hope that this month I will have the best possible birthday gift... and then in the blink of an eye I struggle to not pick up the phone to schedule an appointment with the doctors office. My mood will dive so low its as if I already know that I will get my period this month and we where unsuccessful. But I have to hope and pray that this is it... if we conceived this month we'd have a new year baby and on top of my birthday coming up and the though of having a baby before 2010 just feels so exciting.
It's that 2 weeks of waiting... the am I or am I not? The praying please, oh please let it finally be time... with each month we want a child to call our own more and more. Trying to find distraction in each day to keep my mind occupied but feeling too paralyzed with fear of mourning another month without a baby, a first pregnancy to celebrate, that I just want to curl up and sleep, to not do anything.
I know I've probably said it a millions times in my head, a hundred times right here... but I think this month if we are not successful I will make the appointment.. even if its for as far away as June or later... I just need to start some kind of testing for myself and that 1 all important test for my DH so we might get some answers... I'm so regular, I know I'm ovulating... is it just my mind that keeps getting in my way?
Can you imagine if all this time I've just had a couple of blocked tubes that needed to be cleaned up? I hope it is something this simple, something 'fixable' if you will.
For my 31st birthday I'll be treating myself to either an ov watch or a couple of bella bands.
And tonight even though I ssssooooooooo do NOT want to go to yoga, I will go, just for the chance to have someone reminding me to breath.
It's that 2 weeks of waiting... the am I or am I not? The praying please, oh please let it finally be time... with each month we want a child to call our own more and more. Trying to find distraction in each day to keep my mind occupied but feeling too paralyzed with fear of mourning another month without a baby, a first pregnancy to celebrate, that I just want to curl up and sleep, to not do anything.
I know I've probably said it a millions times in my head, a hundred times right here... but I think this month if we are not successful I will make the appointment.. even if its for as far away as June or later... I just need to start some kind of testing for myself and that 1 all important test for my DH so we might get some answers... I'm so regular, I know I'm ovulating... is it just my mind that keeps getting in my way?
Can you imagine if all this time I've just had a couple of blocked tubes that needed to be cleaned up? I hope it is something this simple, something 'fixable' if you will.
For my 31st birthday I'll be treating myself to either an ov watch or a couple of bella bands.
And tonight even though I ssssooooooooo do NOT want to go to yoga, I will go, just for the chance to have someone reminding me to breath.
Thursday, April 2
last chance for '09
so this month the window is looming and I'm feeling optimistic... if we where to conceive this month I'd be looking for that BFP on my 31st birthday... yeah I know... its going to be hard not to get my hopes up AND a Christmas delivery. This is the last chance for a 2009 baby.
Turning 30 wasn't such a big deal but I worry what my 31st birthday and no baby news would send me into a tail spin if I'm not careful. As my husband has said... he's not done trying yet. So I will keep on going and if we aren't lucky this month I'm going to buy an ov watch with birthday money. And then we'll see how many months without a positive I can stand before I put my foot down and go to the doctor to get some testing started. My naturopath has been so supportive as she and her husband tried for two years as well. We'll hit the 2 year mark this September.
I flip flop on getting the testing started just about every other day. Part of me is really afraid I will need some kind of lap surgery or tube "blow out" to get pregnant... and I'm not sure where that comes from since my own mother didn't have any issues conceiving. Then there is the side of me that says no don't call the doctor yet... they're just going to tell you to loose weight. I don't know how I've come to associate my ability to conceive with my weight... I guess other then my husband I don't have anyone in my family that gets what I'm going through. Then I have been encouraged by some to just gets started with the testing sooner then later... but here's the thing... going down the infertility treatment road is expensive and right now there is no room in the budget for these types of treatments... so maybe I'm avoiding the fertility dr's because I really don't want to know just yet that we are going to need there help.
oh geessssss I'm a bit of mess today I guess, rambling away. Just in my head at least... otherwise I've been feeling pretty good overall.
off to yoga tonight, massage on saturday and acupuncture next week.
Turning 30 wasn't such a big deal but I worry what my 31st birthday and no baby news would send me into a tail spin if I'm not careful. As my husband has said... he's not done trying yet. So I will keep on going and if we aren't lucky this month I'm going to buy an ov watch with birthday money. And then we'll see how many months without a positive I can stand before I put my foot down and go to the doctor to get some testing started. My naturopath has been so supportive as she and her husband tried for two years as well. We'll hit the 2 year mark this September.
I flip flop on getting the testing started just about every other day. Part of me is really afraid I will need some kind of lap surgery or tube "blow out" to get pregnant... and I'm not sure where that comes from since my own mother didn't have any issues conceiving. Then there is the side of me that says no don't call the doctor yet... they're just going to tell you to loose weight. I don't know how I've come to associate my ability to conceive with my weight... I guess other then my husband I don't have anyone in my family that gets what I'm going through. Then I have been encouraged by some to just gets started with the testing sooner then later... but here's the thing... going down the infertility treatment road is expensive and right now there is no room in the budget for these types of treatments... so maybe I'm avoiding the fertility dr's because I really don't want to know just yet that we are going to need there help.
oh geessssss I'm a bit of mess today I guess, rambling away. Just in my head at least... otherwise I've been feeling pretty good overall.
off to yoga tonight, massage on saturday and acupuncture next week.
Thursday, January 29
Acupuncture
I had an acupuncture session with my naturopath today and an adjustment at the chiropractor. But the point of this post is the acupuncture... just thought I'd add it to the mix for this months baby making efforts... naturopath said its best to get as close to ovulation as possible... today is CD 10 and I have another appointment a week from today CD 17. I figure somewhere in there I'll be kinda close to ovulation.
Also she told me my calories where kinda low and suggested I start taking in 1700 based on my height, age, weight (guess on this since I refuse to allow a scale to dictate my mood). The concern is of course to be healthier but not to put my body into a starvation mode and in turn affect my already regular cycle.
I've started doing yoga again too... a bend, breath and conceive yoga practice and I'm really enjoying it, the breath and meditation has been awesome and I've had some awesome nights sleep this week.
Also she told me my calories where kinda low and suggested I start taking in 1700 based on my height, age, weight (guess on this since I refuse to allow a scale to dictate my mood). The concern is of course to be healthier but not to put my body into a starvation mode and in turn affect my already regular cycle.
I've started doing yoga again too... a bend, breath and conceive yoga practice and I'm really enjoying it, the breath and meditation has been awesome and I've had some awesome nights sleep this week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)