Thursday, June 26

love my bark busters team!!!

Daytona's lesson was great! he doesn't want to be leader of the pack so we're learning more and more about how to make sure we don't put that stress on him and keep us in the leader role. We practiced door/knocking/guest issues... teaching him that we are first and it is our job and when it is your time to check out the guests we will let you know. So for the rest of the night and this morning DH and I would randomly knock on this and that with a strong "bah" to go along with it (which is like saying me, I'm in charge, chill dog).

Its amazing how much you can get out of a dogs body language, ears tucked back is totally submissive but a human might interpret it as scared. Watching his ears we moved onto walking. Daytona is terrible at pulling ahead vs watching me and what I'm doing and where I'm going. And passing another dog... oh the fun... NOT! He did such a great job last night walking on a loose lead and watching my move and not getting out ahead of me. LOVED it!!!

Best part, the learning is more tiring for him then a long walk is, making him think though is actions and what I'm telling him to do... he was pooped! And the other best part about bark busters... its for the life of the dog. We had our first really long session in December... we shelled out $450, but its done and paid for... now when we have something we are unsure of, an issue we want to work on, or a life event (hopefully baby someday!) we can call on bark busters to help us and Daytona make that transition... the result... a happy, content Daytona, mommy and daddy.

Wednesday, June 25

another day another day... I live such an exciting life! lol

tonight we have a visit from bark busters again. Daytona is a good dog, don't get me wrong but he has some separation issues that we need to address and so far he hasn't quick gotten that we are the only leaders of the pack and he can just "chill out" and we'll be home when we'll be home. I don't want to have to take him to the neighbors forever, I don't want to have to pay $150 a month to keep him in god company for the working hours of the week. I want to be able to leave him at home so he can lounge on the bed, on the pillows all day until we get home but he doesn't quite see it that way.

Tuesday, June 24

Gravenhurst Fire College, ON

Originally uploaded by malinda3030
what my husband was up to this weekend! lol He loves being a volunteer firefighter and someday I know he'll be doing it full-time, but for now being a volunteer keeps him pretty happy and me happy too because he has the opportunity to go to the fire college. He's heading there again this weekend for 3 days and another full week in July.

Monday, June 23

I wish I had thought of this for our wedding cake!!

IMG_ 002
Originally uploaded by malinda3030

so this would be a before pic... 2 years ago but whatever... its one of the better pics of me and as I'm a photographer I always seem to be behind the camera or pictures of me are in other peoples hands. lol

and then Friday I got it all taken off AND I LOVE IT!! It was time for a change.

how funny that I would look down like that two years later. lol

the back


gotta love the lighting in the office!!!! urgh

Friday, June 20

so because I wanted to know where the OPP job stood I followed up with a call even though they say they don't want to you too and I learned that notices went out by email to perspective candidates for the position.... HELLO EMAIL.... how do they know it doesn't just end up in the spam box, so this morning I emailed my contact for reassurance and no I was not on the short list. I know that might be me being a pain in the ass but I needed to know or I would have been questioning if I deleted it from spam without realizing it.

the interview yesterday went great.... but I'm on the fence about how I feel about taking the job if it where offered to me. They where only interviewing one other person. I would need the high end of the pay band in order to make it worth my wild... can you imagine... I'd work 24 hours/week but I could potentially make only 3 or 4 thousand less then what I make now... uuurrrgghhhh that just sounds so awful. I won't know for another couple of weeks probably. Like I said I"m on the fence, great hours but no benefits, flexibility to what extreme. where I am now I have a reasonable benefits package, I've put in 3 years so I'm up to 15 days vacation this year starting July 25, 6% of my gross rrsp contribution and I don't have to put a cent in if I don't want to, seasonal bonuses, they are ablivious to what I do exactly and how long it takes me to do things... something I can knock off in 5 minutes can be stretched out for a couple of hours. BUT I'm stressed to the max most days here, never knowing what mood "she" will be in and what kind of shit storm she's about to unleash on us or who's turn it is today.... part of me worries that if I stay here will the stress be too much and we won't be able to conceive.

that's enough of a rant for now we'll see how the next couple of weeks plays out. who knows maybe I have a winning lotto ticket in my wallet! :-) lol

Tuesday, June 17

OH MY GOD...... a simple phone call or rather email can just flip your world upside down.

I FINALLY got an interview at one of the two jobs I had my resume out to. Its a part-time job at the college and although I would make a little less then what I make now (working full-time, yes I know I shake my head everyday) it would allow me the freedom to put more time into my business... which I love so much!!! I've lost that part of me, the drive, the ambition to do, to go after things.

I'm so excited I could just burst!!!!

Interview is Thursday at 2pm, I'm off to buy a new outfit after work then it will be long hours on the computer as I tidy up and prep my digital portfolio.

Some other details. I would be working for one of my teachers from the web program in 2001, who's just a little older then me and who is more like a friend then a teacher figure (I could seriously learn so much from this woman and I'm psyched at the chance to work for her).... I worked at the college on contract for 18 months after graduating... I continue to do work for one department as event photographer when needed... the last time I had an interview at the college for the co-op that led to the 14 months worth of contracts I nailed it.... I need that girl to surface on Thursday and I can feel her bubbling up!!!!! :-)

What did I find to eat earlier? a ceasar salad + raspberries
I hate eating!!!
I'm sitting here at work hungry but I don't know what I want to eat. nothing feels right... everything feels wrong, like I'm doing something wrong and I just wish I could avoid hunger all together and keep on working but I know I have to eat something.

Friday, June 13

ahhhhhhh finally time for another weekend.

we're off to the lake house again to chill out (also known as work your butt off and get stuff off Tina's list of things to do done)

I've booked an appointment with a psychologist not because I think I'm loosing it but because I don't want to find myself there eventually. Just need to sort out my relationship with my mom and what not I'm sure it will bring some stuff up and I'll be journaling like crazy.

have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, June 11

I have never done this before BUT I have to see it again. gf from work and I are going to see sex and the city again tonight. lol I have never gone to see a movie a second time in the theater... I'm usually content to wait for the DVD release but this is different!!! Just love it!!
I'm leaving on a jet plane.....

first I booked a trip for me and then Jamie decided he wanted to come too and luckily was given the time off. love seat sales!

I'm heading to Halifax Aug. 19th (early morning) and then Jamie will follow Aug. 20 (very late at night so he can get 2 more days of work in. Which is still perfect because I'll get a couple of days in with my girlfriend Kiran before he arrives. Friday we'll be heading to Fredericton NB to stay with my sister who will be in her first home by this time. I can't believe my sister and her beau have a house!!! so excited for them.

The occasion other then a well deserved holiday is my mom's birthday, although its Sept. 2 we're surprising her. So Friday night will be a big dinner/gathering at my sister's and a big surprise for my mom!! yeah!!! hope the secret will be safe till then.

Hoping to do some touristy stuff. The citabel, ghost walk/hike maybe, peggy's cove, kings landing (I want to camp here twice, loved it!), freddy market... etc and just to finally have Jamie see where I grew up... we have been together for almost 5 years and he has yet to see anything more of the maritimes other then Saint John back in '04 when we flew in for my grampy's funeral.

Tuesday Aug. 26th with be spent in Saint John with my Nanny and then we're flying out of Saint John back to Toronto, get the car from park n' fly and drive back to Orillia to get our puppy... god I wish we could take him with us :-( He's staying with out neighbors where he already spends the whole day being loved and spoiled so he'll be okay but we'll still miss him like crazy. Next time we might drive so he can come too!! :-)

ahhh...... okay even I think THIS is a bight extreme

Friday, June 6

okay the scale... I have to tell you that I haven't been on it in over two weeks and my mind is finally starting to settle down. Yeah I still give it a quick thought before I jump in the shower each morning but I've decided I don't want it ruling my emotions now or ever. And today I realized that my self image is starting to get back to where it use to be. Today I'm dressed pretty casual, black pants and a nice royal blue t and its hanging just right, I'm not feeling that bloated boat feeling that if I had of stepped on the scale this morning would follow me through my day. I wouldn't say my eating has been overly good but I'm giving myself permission right now to just "be" I'm not beating myself up mentally right now about what's going into my mouth... I'm asking myself what I want and eating it, reading and taking time out for me as much as possible right now.

And you know what?! Its working!!!

I heard from a girlfriend last night I haven't spoken too since October, she's coming up the end of the month for a girls night - this feels so good as I've been feeling kinda sad about the lack of girlfriends in my life, yes I have gf but they are spread all over the place and they are all from different chapters in my life so I can't just have a lets all get together weekend so I can see everyone.

I had a call from another small business person today that wants to do some cross promotion with me!! YES!!! I have been neglecting my business recently (thank goodness for the full-time job that allows me to do that) but I'm looking forward to scheduling some more sessions... I feel so content when I have the opportunity to photograph someone and show them how beautiful and special they are.. this is especially true with women and the expectant moms that come in.

And I finally feel like my behaviour right now is the most constructive (in a very long time is feels) in our effort to start a family. By putting those books away and stopping all the methods I was using to track my cycle I'm feel more and more at peace with my body and starting to trust it again.

And those damn caterpillars are gone, gone, gone!!!!! yes!!!

Thursday, June 5

I know some people would think I'm crazy but I can't be outdoors with these creepy crawlies all over the place.

Eastern tent catapillers......GAWD!!!! My skin just crawls thinking about them and we have one tree (cherry) that has about 6 nests in it and it is partly hanging over our wonderful deck with beautiful view where we spend a lot of evening dinners BUT I have yet to do so this year. I can NOT stand these things. I've been tramatized as a child, one summer in NB they where so bad I can remember trying to walk home and jumping from spot to spot on the pavement where they weren't crawling around, it was so bad you could barely see pavement. I was probably about 5.

I just want them gone and finally after many calls to insect people, tree people and landscapers someone has agreed to take them away. THANK YOU SCOTT!!! Scott: "yeah I'm here at your house and I can cut them out and take everything away yada yada yada and it'll cost $100 bucks........." I didn't even let him finish the sentence as soon as I heard he'd do it and for 100 I just said "DO IT"

So maybe some might think I'm crazy but I want to enjoy our yard this summer and this is what I need in order to do it. not that I won't be looking over my shoulder all summer and soaking the tree in soapy water repeatedly. But at least I know they won't be falling from th sky!!!

Even my dad last night was all "what's the big deal.. and that will cost money to have someone remove them" my reply... "I don't care... I want them gone!!!"

I'm such a girl... but I don't care. My sweet husband has been so patient with me.. I love him!!