Dear childhood friend who just had a baby

This is a letter I wrote to a childhood friend shortly before she had her baby.. I never sent the letter/email but it felt good to put it down. So I hope you don't mind if I share it with all of you :-)

Dear Childhood friend,

It's amazing how life takes hold and before you know it months and years have passed without having shared time with one of your best childhood friends. I know neither one of us has necessarily been good at keeping our friendship alive with so much distance between us but I just wanted you to know I think of you often and am so excited that you'll wear the title of mom so very very soon.



I've managed to put a big bubble around my life in the last three years. Putting even more distance between those I hold so dear, some family and many friends. In those three years (dear husband) and I have struggles to have a family of our own. We've gone as far as the fertility clinics, so many tests, HSG, cycle monitoring, clomid, HCG shots and IUI's all foreign to your own experience I hope. I would not wish this heartache on anyone and although I know and believe with all my heart that we'll have our own little one someday it still stings as those around us celebrate this new beginning in their own lives.



I guess maybe I've wanted to share my own experience with you for awhile now but as I said life gets in the way and we tend to think maybe this just isn't the right time.



Today and in the coming months I'm feeling so alive as I work towards leaving my full-time job to go back to running my business again. This job has allowed us the opportunity to easily purchase a home but that was 5 years ago and with the mortgage renewal just a couple months away the realization that I'm still here and had expected to be long gone by now working from home with a toddler walking around is sinking in. I've sort of been living life on hold in some ways... only moving forward one month at a time and only seeing myself as Minname trying to get pregnant instead of Minname, wife, daughter, business woman, sister and friend.

That's as far as I got. It just sort of poured out of me but I couldn't send it... it felt a little selfish as she was waiting for her bean to arrive to draw attention to myself in some way and that's just not me.

Preparations towards leaving my job are going well. I actually made my savings goal and then since I still have a couple months to go I socked a bunch of it against credit card debts in an effort to bring our debt ratio down and also bring up the credit score (always a work in progress of course but hoping for the best come October). So I'm back to saving up again but still the account is padded and staying that way... that feels pretty damn good!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

little rant...

Pregnant Yuppy was having a little rant over on her blog about the advice people seem compelled to share now that she's expecting... post here so here's a little rant of my own in a different direction.

Have you noticed the number of friends who are moms who like to poke fun at your desire to be a mom too? I've noticed this recently in the women closes to me... the comments go something along the lines of them complaining about what has been happening recently with their little one(s) and then they top off the complain with a "sure you really want to get yourself into this?" and we laugh like it's no big deal and bah ha ha the jokes so going to be on you when you have one. "sure you want a child?"

Nope.... I've just been throwing money away on tests and vitamins/supplements and acupuncture, reflexology, massage therapy, ov watch sensors, opk kits, pregnancy tests, iui(s), HCG shots, clomid... you know just cause I've got the money (not!) and it's burning a whole in my pocket so what the hell might as well shoot the money gun off in an effort to get to mommyhood.

Yes I get that it's going to be harder then I can ever possibly imagine at this point in my life without a child but COME ON... I've been working hard to get there and with every story you tell about how difficult it is and asking me if I'm sure I want this... (yes I fucking want this) These moms quickly forget switching gears from complaining to telling a story about what their child said or did just the other day that would just make your heart melt... yeah what sane person would want that?!

my naturopath had her baby!!!! a baby boy who they've named Patrick!

I just received an email from the doctor that's filling in for her at her clinic and I had to read it over and over to take it all in. The baby was born Monday night at 9pm and she is being discharged tomorrow. I got all the details of her room etc and that she would really like to see me if I can come up before she is discharged tomorrow.

I'm smiling and giddy not only because he is finally here but that I feel like our friendship is kinda coming together. We have had the odd get together with our husbands (+dogs too) and they tried for 2 years before conceiving and I just feel really honoured that she'd want me to come up and visit.

I'm going to pop in after work... I don't have a gift or anything and have no idea if there is something I should pick up?!!! I figure that can come later besides that would just be one more thing for them to bring home.

Oh I'm just so excited!!!!