Friday, May 30

Wednesday, May 28

I've booked an appointment with a naturopathic dr. and friend of mine for saturday morning.

I know she can give me some insight into what I'm struggling with etc and relieve some of my concerns about putting off baby making for a little while so I can focus on me.

Scale is still tucked away in the cupboard (thank god). And I have absolutely no plans of taking it out anytime soon.

I'm still looking for a new job.. my sweet husband even suggested going to work in retail again just to get away from my current job/micro-manager B*tch. As I said in my comment on Jess's blog

... the more and more I struggle with my weight and my lack of motivation I understand better then ever that loosing weight and becoming pregnant may never happen the way I want it to staying in this current job.

On the up side said b*tch is not in the office this week and possibly next!!!! I can hear the angels singing and another upside... I have now 15 days vacation to use up after july25th instead of the 10 I've had the last three years. I think I'm going to take an entire week off. I didn't even take 5 days in a row when we got married 2 years ago!!!! I think I've earned it. :-)

Finished Dr. Greene's fertility plan book. Hoping naturopath will recommend a solid multi I can start taking that includes some of his recommendations. About 30+ pages into emotional eating book and can I just say holy crap!!! When I read about her being in the grocery store and taking healthy stuff and adding it to the basket so those around her wouldn't judge her for eating so poorly (cookie dough etc) I wanted to scream YESSSSSSS I have so done this time and time again. I'm totally convinced that the people at the grocery store and the cashier (love self checkouts now) are judging me and thinking "she should SO not be eating that"

Walks with Daytona have been going good. I pick him up from my neighbors place and we head straight out on our walk. I don't even stop to sit down, bathroom break, pop bag, iPod on and off we go. Last night I listened to New Kids on the Block.. yeah that's right, NKOTB!! lol I'm not ashamed to admit it. LOL Weekend in Hanover was awesome, and even did some heavy lifting of some patio stones, LOTS of patio stones and drove the dump truck... next time I'm going to get my dear husband to show me how to use the tractor.

Our 2 year anniversary was Monday and instead of cards or little gifts we bought ourselves a new king sized mattress. We're on a queen right now. It arrives this Saturday and I can't wait!!!

Thursday, May 22

1. 2 hard boiled eggs
2. yogurt + rass./blackberries
3. olives + 3 pieces flat bread (150) + baby bell + hummus + tomatoes
4. popcorn + bean salad
5. not sure yet - tacos, not great but not swiss chalet which was my husband's first choice.
6. ice cream bar

Walk: 45 min with Daytona right after work

Wednesday, May 21

I'm trying to grasp emotional eating. My dad and I had a chat this weekend (we usually do this whenever I'm feelin' down). He knows me extremely well and he knows I've been down lately so we got chatting and I got some tears out and a big hug and I'm feeling not quite so overwhelmed. My self talk is horribly destructive and I know it, I know everything I need to know to succeed at weight loss I just end up saying F**k it and eat another sugary/salty crap.... its so overwhelming and the desire to see results quickly is unreasonable and I just throw my hands up and somehow manage to justify eating the things I know I shouldn't. I'm a TOTAL emotional eater (I'm ordering the book from amazon today!!) I need to overcome that, stop beating myself up all the time and I know I can make the weight loss happen.

I know what family looks like for Jamie and I and I've been feelin' so depressed that even the incentive of a healthy pregnancy, happy baby isn't enough of to make me want to do the right things to get there. I'm taking the pressure of trying off of us for now. I don't want to get pregnant at 220lbs!!! Not to mention my husband is a marine technician and has been going full out 70-80 hours 6 days a week for the last 2 months. I need to get my emotional eating and those trigger, as well as the awful self-talk under control so I can be a great mommy.

I've put my scale away!

I'm going to take a walk every single day for the next two weeks.

I'm going to eat as well as I can and not beat myself up, my focus is making walking a habit the next two weeks.

I'm going to catch up/finish the books that are most important to me. Dr. Greene fertility plan + emotional eating book.

I'm going to keep my ipod in my jacket so I don't forget it.

Food Today! UPdated!
1. kashi cereal + s.milk + 1/2 cup rass. n' blackberries
2. bean salad + c. tomatoes + olives + ww pita + baby bell cheese + hummus
3. pear yogurt
4. baby bell + 1/2 piece of flat bread
5. steak + corn/onions/potato
6. ice cream bar

Walk: 25 minutes from work (up to the bank, deposit and back again - 2 birds with one stone) + 45 minutes with Daytona when I got home. I even walked in the rain, which would normally be an easy way out of getting the walk in.

Yesterday however looked something like this:
1. carrot/ww muffin from Tims + g. tea
2. chocolate chip muffin
3. wendy's jr. bacon cheeseburger + fries + 1/2 root beer + frosty
4. samosas + olives + hummus + sesame flat bread
5. 2 ice cream bars (300 cal)

Home just after 5, crazy quick clean of the kitchen, trip to pick up veggies/fruit before cp closes, back to the house (forgot ipod) drop veggies/fruit and then to chiropractor, then for a walk at the park/waterfront, then to zehrs for afew more things, home again to clean out the fridge (garbage day/recycling cleaned up and sorted), prep a little dinner/snack and sat down to read/listen to tv at 8:45pm, bed at 11pm

Walk: 45 minutes on the waterfront with Daytona

Friday, May 9

Wednesday, May 7

I have a super full lunch box today! And I was so suprized how quickly I was able to pack it. Running late this morning I opened up the fridge thinking "Oh crap" what am I going to have for lunch and then BAM!

- large salad
- chopped up bbq chicken breast
- blueberries
- 2 hard boiled eggs
- kiwi
- my vitamins
- salad dressing
- strawberries
- yogurt

Probably won't eat everything but I was so pleased with myself that even running late this a.m. I have my lunch and I'm not coping out and heading to Wendy's for lunch!

If the rain holds off I'm planning on getting in another walk today. I set of goal for myself this month of 2 walks from work a week, ipod in hand!

Tuesday, May 6

1. ww toast w/PB + s.milk
2. banana (large banana)
3. more leftovers + blueberries
4. salad + 2 bbq chicken thighs + dressing

drive home and pick up Daytona
awesome walk with Daytona around part of our waterfront/trails
clean up the kitchen
make dinner
sat down to eat at 8pm!

Monday, May 5


I took my 30 minute lunch away from my desk and went for a walk!!!!
1.38 miles/2.22km, I can feel my legs firing. I'm kinda suprised I made it around in 30 minutes with the wind working against me for the better part of the walk and I was heading up hill for 1/3 of it.

I feel good, I feel alive! I have promised myself that I'm going to focus on one day, one day at a time. ONE day! I can do one day.

I have been asking myself this morning what will I do today for me, for my health and for all I want to achieve?
holy yikes! tonight is it... the first class of my 10 weeks of learn how to roller blade. I really hope its a good class. I do want to learn but it freaks me out how it will be taught, how much experience other people will have, whether or not I'll make a total ass of myself and so on. I figure since its a 10 week thing... the are going to start with the basics. I don't even plan to put on my roller blades until someone tells me to. lol

1. ww toast w/PB + skim milk
2. banana
3. leftovers from last night (roast beef, potatoes, carrots, onion)
4. blueberries
5. more leftovers
6. dairy queen (husband brought home blizzards after his training tonight and I eat it) 770
He has been informed this is not to be a regular thing and we're knocking the treat factor down to one a week.

On the dog front. Remember how our Daytona was only getting 5 min. instead of his 30-45 minute walks? well last week was Daytona's first full week with our neighbour Rose. And by day 2 I felt like I was dropping my kid off to daycare for the day. I mean really that's what I'm doing. Rose has been amazing, he's been there all day.. she has a key to the house so he could spend the afternoon at home but she's kept him all day long! And when I pick him up I get the rundown on his day... which I love.. and Rose has a dog too, Teddy.. so he's still gettng socialized to dogs at the same time. I love knowing he had fun, was good and is learning and listening to someone else as well as he does us. I even pack his bag... the usually toys, treats, food/dish and a kong with peanut butter sometimes. He's our boy, a very spoiled fur kid! lol

I feel so lucky to have such great neighbours!

Friday, May 2

The photo shoot was a great success last night!

One more hour to go... I'm looking forward to a veg out weekend. Jamie is working tomorrow so I'm going to catch up on some PVR'ed shows and reading my new books that arrived this week. And I want to watch Juno again, such a great movie!

1. 2 hard boiled eggs (150) + strawberries (65)
2. salad (66) + dressing (140) + pork chop (239)
3. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies (380)
one of our co-op students is done today so this is better then a pizza lunch
5. salad (66) + dressing (70) + steak + a taste of each side salad (potato + tuna/mac)
6. chocolate milk + chocolate ice cream

Total: who the hell knows

YEAH weekend!!!!

Thursday, May 1

1: yogurt (110), strawberries (65) , 2 hard boiled eggs (145)
2. small salad (66) + dressing (90)
3. leftovers (320?) + kiwi (56)
4. salad (66) + pork chop (239) + dressing (70)
5. watermelon (49) + strawberries (39)
Total: 1315

- finish clean up
- photo shoot at 7-9pm with new client (that's a workout, I'm always wiped after an evening shoot)