okay the scale... I have to tell you that I haven't been on it in over two weeks and my mind is finally starting to settle down. Yeah I still give it a quick thought before I jump in the shower each morning but I've decided I don't want it ruling my emotions now or ever. And today I realized that my self image is starting to get back to where it use to be. Today I'm dressed pretty casual, black pants and a nice royal blue t and its hanging just right, I'm not feeling that bloated boat feeling that if I had of stepped on the scale this morning would follow me through my day. I wouldn't say my eating has been overly good but I'm giving myself permission right now to just "be" I'm not beating myself up mentally right now about what's going into my mouth... I'm asking myself what I want and eating it, reading and taking time out for me as much as possible right now.
And you know what?! Its working!!!
I heard from a girlfriend last night I haven't spoken too since October, she's coming up the end of the month for a girls night - this feels so good as I've been feeling kinda sad about the lack of girlfriends in my life, yes I have gf but they are spread all over the place and they are all from different chapters in my life so I can't just have a lets all get together weekend so I can see everyone.
I had a call from another small business person today that wants to do some cross promotion with me!! YES!!! I have been neglecting my business recently (thank goodness for the full-time job that allows me to do that) but I'm looking forward to scheduling some more sessions... I feel so content when I have the opportunity to photograph someone and show them how beautiful and special they are.. this is especially true with women and the expectant moms that come in.
And I finally feel like my behaviour right now is the most constructive (in a very long time is feels) in our effort to start a family. By putting those books away and stopping all the methods I was using to track my cycle I'm feel more and more at peace with my body and starting to trust it again.
And those damn caterpillars are gone, gone, gone!!!!! yes!!!