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Thursday, December 4
Friday, November 28
an emotional mess....that's what I am today (i started that post on Tuesday)
I was just an mess on Tuesday... I couldn't stop crying for the better part of the morning and of course I was at work and couldn't just go home because of a big meeting scheduled for the afternoon.
what was wrong? everything... of course!
- no success this month with TTC
- stress of christmas and money spending
- a 4th person was laid off at DH workplace, DH still has a job but the stress + period + no baby just was too much
- my dad giving me a hard time about bowing out of the family gathering on my step mom's side on the 13th (reason more money as they sprung a gift exchange into the mix + we'd be responsible for bring 2 dishes to the potluck + the 2.5 hr drive + no one bothered to answer my question about whether or not we could bring our dog until a week later)
- stress of TTC next month cause if we do, baby would arrive in late August and my sister finally set the date for her wedding... yeah... Sept. 5th. We have been trying for too long now to stop for a couple months with the idea of being at her wedding. Yes of course I want to be there (suppose to be in the wedding party) but I can't stop living my life and TTC when the wedding is just under 1 year away... even if we did wait till March to start trying again I could still miss the wedding due to bed rest or complications or doctors orders to not travel (wedding is in NB).... so we are trying agian in December.. because we both want to get this show on the road. lol
yeah so this week started off with an awful yucky loud bang but luckily we got through it, are getting through it... looking after ourselves and trying not to worry so much about what everyone else things or feels... sometimes you just have to put yourself first, okay all the time but its ten thousand times harder this time of year :-(
I was just an mess on Tuesday... I couldn't stop crying for the better part of the morning and of course I was at work and couldn't just go home because of a big meeting scheduled for the afternoon.
what was wrong? everything... of course!
- no success this month with TTC
- stress of christmas and money spending
- a 4th person was laid off at DH workplace, DH still has a job but the stress + period + no baby just was too much
- my dad giving me a hard time about bowing out of the family gathering on my step mom's side on the 13th (reason more money as they sprung a gift exchange into the mix + we'd be responsible for bring 2 dishes to the potluck + the 2.5 hr drive + no one bothered to answer my question about whether or not we could bring our dog until a week later)
- stress of TTC next month cause if we do, baby would arrive in late August and my sister finally set the date for her wedding... yeah... Sept. 5th. We have been trying for too long now to stop for a couple months with the idea of being at her wedding. Yes of course I want to be there (suppose to be in the wedding party) but I can't stop living my life and TTC when the wedding is just under 1 year away... even if we did wait till March to start trying again I could still miss the wedding due to bed rest or complications or doctors orders to not travel (wedding is in NB).... so we are trying agian in December.. because we both want to get this show on the road. lol
yeah so this week started off with an awful yucky loud bang but luckily we got through it, are getting through it... looking after ourselves and trying not to worry so much about what everyone else things or feels... sometimes you just have to put yourself first, okay all the time but its ten thousand times harder this time of year :-(
Wednesday, November 5
Monday, November 3
weekend was great... productive, peaceful, quite, relaxing
I raked up the leaves on saturday and I have to say my hands are sore, but to keep them moving I started a new knitting project.... a simple 12 stitch width scarf that I'm planning to give my sister for Christmas. We're trying to cut out some of the expense of gift giving this year... fingers crossed we can keep the spending down and our family will appreciate the personal touch vs. the plastic gift card. Also my sweet husband washed my car and I cleaned it out, the winter tires are stack in the garage and ready to be put on, halloween stuff down (not that there was alot of it) but I couldn't get dh to put up the christmas lights (don't worry we wouldn't have turned tham on yet)... he told me that should only be done when its really cold out, tradition I guess to freeze you're fingers off while you do it. LOL
just about every piece of laundry is done, folded and away minus the stuff we had on... I love it when the laundry actually makes it into the drawers and the closet... I mean that is why we bought the nice new side/table dressers and closet organizer! lol
This is the time of year where I get into purge mood BIG time. Partly because it really needs to be done but also its me preping for our annual NY shopping trip with my step mom, her sister and their gf. This will be our 4th year. And of course a sign of the times we aren't going to go all the way to Rochester (2 night stay) and
instead opting for a day trip to the Buffalo area since they are finally getting a Christmas Tree Store (that is a pre-requisit for our decided destination, there has to be a CTS). CTS, TJMaxx and then likely the Walden Galleria and lunch at the cheese cake factory... oh my yummy! the purge keeps me from over spending and buying up stuff we really don't need and I never deviate to far from my shopping idea list. I'm even purging some furniture peices. I love it when everything has its place and a place for everything but getting there is a work in progress... watch... I'll get it all done in a couple years and we'll move.
I raked up the leaves on saturday and I have to say my hands are sore, but to keep them moving I started a new knitting project.... a simple 12 stitch width scarf that I'm planning to give my sister for Christmas. We're trying to cut out some of the expense of gift giving this year... fingers crossed we can keep the spending down and our family will appreciate the personal touch vs. the plastic gift card. Also my sweet husband washed my car and I cleaned it out, the winter tires are stack in the garage and ready to be put on, halloween stuff down (not that there was alot of it) but I couldn't get dh to put up the christmas lights (don't worry we wouldn't have turned tham on yet)... he told me that should only be done when its really cold out, tradition I guess to freeze you're fingers off while you do it. LOL
just about every piece of laundry is done, folded and away minus the stuff we had on... I love it when the laundry actually makes it into the drawers and the closet... I mean that is why we bought the nice new side/table dressers and closet organizer! lol
This is the time of year where I get into purge mood BIG time. Partly because it really needs to be done but also its me preping for our annual NY shopping trip with my step mom, her sister and their gf. This will be our 4th year. And of course a sign of the times we aren't going to go all the way to Rochester (2 night stay) and
instead opting for a day trip to the Buffalo area since they are finally getting a Christmas Tree Store (that is a pre-requisit for our decided destination, there has to be a CTS). CTS, TJMaxx and then likely the Walden Galleria and lunch at the cheese cake factory... oh my yummy! the purge keeps me from over spending and buying up stuff we really don't need and I never deviate to far from my shopping idea list. I'm even purging some furniture peices. I love it when everything has its place and a place for everything but getting there is a work in progress... watch... I'll get it all done in a couple years and we'll move.
Thursday, October 30
my naturopath had her baby!!!! a baby boy who they've named Patrick!
I just received an email from the doctor that's filling in for her at her clinic and I had to read it over and over to take it all in. The baby was born Monday night at 9pm and she is being discharged tomorrow. I got all the details of her room etc and that she would really like to see me if I can come up before she is discharged tomorrow.
I'm smiling and giddy not only because he is finally here but that I feel like our friendship is kinda coming together. We have had the odd get together with our husbands (+dogs too) and they tried for 2 years before conceiving and I just feel really honoured that she'd want me to come up and visit.
I'm going to pop in after work... I don't have a gift or anything and have no idea if there is something I should pick up?!!! I figure that can come later besides that would just be one more thing for them to bring home.
Oh I'm just so excited!!!!
I just received an email from the doctor that's filling in for her at her clinic and I had to read it over and over to take it all in. The baby was born Monday night at 9pm and she is being discharged tomorrow. I got all the details of her room etc and that she would really like to see me if I can come up before she is discharged tomorrow.
I'm smiling and giddy not only because he is finally here but that I feel like our friendship is kinda coming together. We have had the odd get together with our husbands (+dogs too) and they tried for 2 years before conceiving and I just feel really honoured that she'd want me to come up and visit.
I'm going to pop in after work... I don't have a gift or anything and have no idea if there is something I should pick up?!!! I figure that can come later besides that would just be one more thing for them to bring home.
Oh I'm just so excited!!!!
Wednesday, October 29
first... Christy thank you for the comment you left. I know life gets away from us sometimes and just know I'm thinking about you too!
This months TTC efforts feels SO freaking exciting... I feel as though its our first time trying for some reason.
As my naturopath is taking some mat time herself and I was feeling a little lonely on the TTC front I decided after talking with DH to buy this mentioned previously. It arrived yesterday and we both took our first pill with dinner. dinner at our new table!!!! An early christmas gift from my mom and her bf. I only asked for a gift certificate (sears) and wham! they ordered it for us... we couldn't believe it!!! It arrived yesterday and while I made dinner and ran out for a quick adjustment at the chiropractor my sweet husband put it together... NO more dinners in front of the TV... we where awful for doing this literally ALL THE TIME!!
Horrible pic (bad kitchen lighting)... but you get the idea. New blinds and lighting to follow this winter likely.
so as I was saying we're feeling excited about the window opening this month.... we where out picking up some groceries on the weekend and passed one of those neon open signs you can pick up a costco and dh said... why don't you get one of those? Me: what? dh: an open sign so I know the window is open and its time!!!! I'm still laughing about it!!! and thinking of making one as a joke to put over our bed. That is one of the things I just absolutely love about my handsome husband.... he makes me laugh all the time, we laugh all the time... this morning i grabbed the box of halloween treats we had been tossing in lunches, it was on top of the fridge and when I picked it up I knew it was empty but something black caught my eye..... he left me a message. Inside at the bottom of the box it said "there gone!" LMAO
tonight... he's making dinner LOL and then its pumpkin carving time! we have two awesome big round fat guys to carve up... an annual tradition
This months TTC efforts feels SO freaking exciting... I feel as though its our first time trying for some reason.
As my naturopath is taking some mat time herself and I was feeling a little lonely on the TTC front I decided after talking with DH to buy this mentioned previously. It arrived yesterday and we both took our first pill with dinner. dinner at our new table!!!! An early christmas gift from my mom and her bf. I only asked for a gift certificate (sears) and wham! they ordered it for us... we couldn't believe it!!! It arrived yesterday and while I made dinner and ran out for a quick adjustment at the chiropractor my sweet husband put it together... NO more dinners in front of the TV... we where awful for doing this literally ALL THE TIME!!Horrible pic (bad kitchen lighting)... but you get the idea. New blinds and lighting to follow this winter likely.
so as I was saying we're feeling excited about the window opening this month.... we where out picking up some groceries on the weekend and passed one of those neon open signs you can pick up a costco and dh said... why don't you get one of those? Me: what? dh: an open sign so I know the window is open and its time!!!! I'm still laughing about it!!! and thinking of making one as a joke to put over our bed. That is one of the things I just absolutely love about my handsome husband.... he makes me laugh all the time, we laugh all the time... this morning i grabbed the box of halloween treats we had been tossing in lunches, it was on top of the fridge and when I picked it up I knew it was empty but something black caught my eye..... he left me a message. Inside at the bottom of the box it said "there gone!" LMAO
tonight... he's making dinner LOL and then its pumpkin carving time! we have two awesome big round fat guys to carve up... an annual tradition
Wednesday, October 22
well AF arrived a couple days early so I guess that's a good thing.... time to get this TTC show on the road and get another month under our belts. LOL
Thank you Margie for your company Saturday night and the bottle of wine!
I've ordered up the fertility aid supplements (a his & her combo) but nothing has arrived yet but I'm hoping it arrives by Friday.
This weekend I get to go to the lakehouse and see my Aunt and my Nanny. I'm not entirely looking forward to this... no actually I'm NOT looking forward to it at all. Yes this is the Aunt who will become a grandmother for the first time summer 2009, my cousin & his wife are pregnant. As much as I am happy for them I also want a little respect as not to have it rubbed in my face as though it was a competition I lost! But when I called last Friday night to say hello, knowing they had arrived on Thursday my Aunt got on the phone and chose to sing song as though she was a kid in the playground taunting someone "I'm going to be a Nanny, I'm going to be a Nanny, I'm going to be a Nanny" over and over again. I mean how can I not have my defences up walking into something like that.
Thank you Margie for your company Saturday night and the bottle of wine!
I've ordered up the fertility aid supplements (a his & her combo) but nothing has arrived yet but I'm hoping it arrives by Friday.
This weekend I get to go to the lakehouse and see my Aunt and my Nanny. I'm not entirely looking forward to this... no actually I'm NOT looking forward to it at all. Yes this is the Aunt who will become a grandmother for the first time summer 2009, my cousin & his wife are pregnant. As much as I am happy for them I also want a little respect as not to have it rubbed in my face as though it was a competition I lost! But when I called last Friday night to say hello, knowing they had arrived on Thursday my Aunt got on the phone and chose to sing song as though she was a kid in the playground taunting someone "I'm going to be a Nanny, I'm going to be a Nanny, I'm going to be a Nanny" over and over again. I mean how can I not have my defences up walking into something like that.
Friday, October 17
feeling better today (thank you for the quick call yesterday Margie... it felt so good to know I had a friend out there that came to my rescue so quickly)... I didn't get into too much with my DH because he has a HUGE weekend with a written and practical exam this weekend and will be away but I told him I wanted to know if he'd take a fertility blend supplement with me for next months TTC efforts and try lots of positions (sorry if TMI) and he said he's game... he said whatever I want and then reminded me that he said that afew months ago... so ordered up this stuff for us. The reviews seem pretty positive and I've been taking a break from my 18 pills of TCM a day for the last month (that's an investment all on its own!) eek!
I know I've done and tried alot of different things over the last year but I'm not going to get wrapped up in the temping, opk, saliva scope, all the other stuff and my books are still tucked away. My naturopath is off right now expecting her first any day now, actually her due date was last Sunday... so that said i was feeling a little lonely... don't have her to chat with and we are running a tight ship right now so I haven't wanted to spend the cash on another session with my therapist. A good girls night Saturday is just want I need (can't wait to see you Margie). I think by next weekend I'll be ready to face my aunt at the cottage as she and my Nanny are visiting (arrived yesterday) my dad and stepmom so I want to move into a positive energy so not to break down into a puddle of tears listening to how excited she is... it is after all her FIRST grandchild!!!
I know I've done and tried alot of different things over the last year but I'm not going to get wrapped up in the temping, opk, saliva scope, all the other stuff and my books are still tucked away. My naturopath is off right now expecting her first any day now, actually her due date was last Sunday... so that said i was feeling a little lonely... don't have her to chat with and we are running a tight ship right now so I haven't wanted to spend the cash on another session with my therapist. A good girls night Saturday is just want I need (can't wait to see you Margie). I think by next weekend I'll be ready to face my aunt at the cottage as she and my Nanny are visiting (arrived yesterday) my dad and stepmom so I want to move into a positive energy so not to break down into a puddle of tears listening to how excited she is... it is after all her FIRST grandchild!!!
Thursday, October 16
my heart aches right now... feel as though I'm being bombarded by babies, pregnancy and all things in between these last few days and I'm MAD.. I'm mad at myself for not being able to find the ambition to loose weight... I'm mad that my husband doesn't seem to really want this as much as I do (I know he does but it just never seems to be at the same intensity/want/desire/need as I do)... I'm mad because I don't think we are trying hard enough... I'm mad because I don't feel like we have been as good at putting money aside as we could be... I'm mad because people have been laid off at my husband's workplace and that changes "trying" and just puts more stress into an already stressful time... I'm mad because I think we should have had a baby already, I'm mad because my 26 yr/old cousin and his wife of 1 year are expecting, I'm mad that I'm capable of feeling this way toward them ("that should be me...") and I'm mad because I don't feel like I've done anything to change.
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