Wednesday, July 28

hello stranger...

oh dear it's been awhile. this will be a quick update if anyone is reading.

I am well. I am happy but every time I think to write a blog post I get distracted and onto another thing on my to do list that keeps on growing every single day.

Operation "leave my full time job" could not possibly be going any better. I'm blown away by the work that has come in just in the last month. I'm excited to share with family, friends even my chiropractor this shift that has happened. I'm following my passion once again. I'm finding my way back to myself again and it feels so great. I realize my struggle to conceive has not been as lengthy as some and maybe my plan is pretty drastic to some. But I must find myself again. I took a f/t job to get a mortgage and a mat leave (a whole year in Canada) and that hasn't happened and holy crap it's 5 years later and the mortgage is due for renewal soon.. how did that happen?

I've gone through different bouts of sadness with this... at first I was convinced that I had done nothing but run on a hamster wheel for a five year period and I was so disappointed in myself... 5 years later same place in life just 50 lbs heavier... yeah me! But I realize now that I have grown... so it took me 5 years to stand up and say "enough" it's my turn to live life and I'll be damned if I live it by "the man's" rules. I'll create the life I want the life I always expected to have. To have my small business, work from home, have a family and keep on working and growing my client base, my knowledge, my experience. I just got a little side tracked by about 3 years with the oh so comfy job (which honestly isn't because of a certain boss who I've written about before).

So where am I at right now? What's the time line? Have a left yet?

Right now I'm $1000 short on the 2 months worth of expenses to keep my husband happy and comfortable with my leaving the job. I'm blown away that it has happened so quickly because as it stands right now I'll be staying put until mortgage renewal time and that's October.. right now we're waiting for the renewal papers from the mortgage company and then we'll be attempting to dump some dept into the renewal. So haven't left yet but I know I will celebrate 2011 as a self-employed person. All efforts to conceive and/or try to figure out why we have been unsuccessful are on hold and a distant memory in so many ways.

I'm working like crazy to keep on top of everything I have on my plate and keep the invoices going out so more work can keep on coming in. And for now that is and will continue to be my focus. Yoga attendance has been poor (ok non existent) but I'm not beating myself up over it. Eating.. not so great but dh asked that we get back at it on Monday and I'm game... when he's on board it makes it so much easier cause he spoils me with his cooking and meal planning awesomeness! Once I've left the job then I'll have more time to find my routine again. I use to workout a least a few times a week when I was self-employed, had time to put dinner on the table for DH and I, a little house work mixed in here and there and I'll also be getting an hour back since I won't have the daily commute to and from the office. And so much of the stress that has likely been the bully behind my not being able to scream from the hilltops "I'm pregnant!" will finally shift. I'm not saying it'll be easy but I do know that it will feed my soul like nothing else can right now.

I am happy, I'm excited and I'm going to making this happen.

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