Thursday, October 16
my heart aches right now... feel as though I'm being bombarded by babies, pregnancy and all things in between these last few days and I'm MAD.. I'm mad at myself for not being able to find the ambition to loose weight... I'm mad that my husband doesn't seem to really want this as much as I do (I know he does but it just never seems to be at the same intensity/want/desire/need as I do)... I'm mad because I don't think we are trying hard enough... I'm mad because I don't feel like we have been as good at putting money aside as we could be... I'm mad because people have been laid off at my husband's workplace and that changes "trying" and just puts more stress into an already stressful time... I'm mad because I think we should have had a baby already, I'm mad because my 26 yr/old cousin and his wife of 1 year are expecting, I'm mad that I'm capable of feeling this way toward them ("that should be me...") and I'm mad because I don't feel like I've done anything to change.