a big sister

.. I don't have a biological big sister but I have a "heart" big sister in my gf who lives in Halifax... I've mentioned her before about how she was first my private tutor and then just became a member of our family. She is the 1 person who knews pretty much my entire history with all the mess and hoopla of my parents separation and early antics my little sister pulled. We have spent so much time together and I can tell her anything and everything. She's coming with me to see my sister and having her there the first couple of days will help me so much.

She does not have children and I can remember a time spent with her over the holidays when she was just about to meet her husband to be... a blind date set up and I asked her about kids and did she want to have any. She told me that she had looked into adoption but that she felt she'd be okay if that didn't happen, if she didn't get to have kids. That was 10 years ago and this week in emails back and forth it came out... she told me that she use to think it didn't matter if she became a mom or not but that now she knows she was wrong and that nothing much else matters other then becoming a mom. She wants this for me probably as much as my husband and I want it for ourselves. And it was within those emails that I found the strenght for a really honest heart to heart with my husband. We have always said yeah IUI in the spring but I needed to have a month set in my mind. And so it will be April or May. I will see my Dr. on March 4th to discuss whether or not we take March off from clomid (would have been month 3) and do clomid in April + IUI or do May without clomid + IUI.

I will be 32 in April and I know this is still "young" but really let's be honest... it isn't young when it comes to the fact that we have been TTCing for the last 2 1/2 years almost with no success... I don't want to wait too much longer. I want to get the show on the road. If we aren't meant to have our own children naturally then why? and lets start to grieve and move forward with the next step whatever that is... adoption?

I've added Circle+Bloom to my daily routine and it has been wonderful. I love listening as I drift off to sleep and usually put that days session on repeat as I always seem to fall asleep before the session ends. Thank you Fertility Chick for sharing... it's because of you I found this awesome program.

On the new sweets front I'm holding strong at day 25.. no binges, no donuts, minimal bread... I'm struggling internally almost every couple of hours but with 24 days behind me I'm more afraid of a Day 1 then the donut itself.

Just got a call from the fertility clinic and my progesterone bloodwork came back at 44... I ovulated. And all I can say is DUH! I don't know why but that place just iritates the hell out of me since the last time I went for CD 21 bloodwork and she pushed so hard that I do the cycle monitoring at the same time.