not pregnant

waiting

i seem to be unable to function properly today and get anything done except for filling through all the unreads in my reader and adding to my list of 'to do'

this morning I went to the fertility clinic to have a blood pregnancy test done but oh lucky me not 2 hours later I get a call that the lab is backed up and I may not hear the results until tomorrow. CRAP!

So here's the run down....

- Today is CD 37 (21 DPO) and as you may already know I'm a pretty regular cycle kinda girl of 29-31
- Ov watch predicted ovulation on CD 16 which is stronger/earlier then the two months previous
- I did a HPT sunday first thing and it read negative
- last week during the early part of the day I had eggwhite CM.. WTF!
- I don't feel my period coming at all.. no usual signs and even my DH noticed that I wasn't PMSy
- I've been doing the 'whip and look' for 7 days!!!!

so i figured the blood test would put my mind at ease and tell me either way... half thinking of POAS again tomorrow morning too.... but I'm undecided

why in the hell does this have to be so complicated? I guess I never thought the drama would continue through this point of the waiting game and TTC. I've done a little reading online but trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't google too much but I just can't for the life of me seem to find my productivity mojo... like AT ALL... and I was so good yesterday and banging off one thing after another form my list but today I wish I could just go home and veg out on the couch and watch crap on tv for the day.

so what do you think? do you know a friend of a friend who's cousin was never able to get a positive on a HPT and still got pregnant? Or maybe got a negative blood test and still turnd out they where pregnant?.....maybe I'll be one of those crazy cases that I find out at 4 months that yes I'm actually pregnant.

anxious

very anxious at the moment for the retreat... a whole bundle of nerves for some reason... it's a pretty unknown kind of thing a yoga retreat... what will the weekend be like... will I be able to do so many yoga classes in one day, i forgot a flashlight...crap.... blah blah blah... can I put my phone done long enough to really enjoy the experience... will I have a little break down and cry if given the opportunity to really stop and take things in...

big ooommmmmmmmmmmmm
lots of deep breaths.......

not long now till it's time to get on the road... eekkk

what a dog!

again... sleepy

It's CD 25 and I'm keeping my distance from the things I know could drive me a little nuts as we wait to see if it'll be BFP or BFN this month. I'm so hopeful though (considering the shift in 'O' day) but at the same time it just doesn't seem possible... like winning the lottery... getting pregnant it one of those things where you either are or you aren't as far as I'm concerned. I know it will happen for us and I'm either a. trying to keep myself distracted from counting down the days past ovulation (9 today) or b. visualizing my husband and I staring at one of my 8 pregnancy pee strip tests that are suppose to expire Jan. 2010 and asking ourselves if we see a line or not or of course c. it ends up being next Friday and I'm pretty much convinced I'm pregnant because my cycle is so regular I must be pregnant. what's it going to be? hhhmmmmmm

Acupuncture session tonight, followed later tonight by more small business brain storming with a couple other fellow business women. We're making this a weekly thing to keep ourselves on track, accountable and keep our businesses moving onward and upward.

I'm heading to the yoga retreat right after work tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but I know it will be awesome! 7 yoga classes in total.... 4 of which happen on Saturday and then I should be heading home by 3pm on Sunday. I wonder how I'll be feeling by then? rested? relaxed? tired?

I'll be taking some pictures of course but will try and snap a pic or two on my cell to share here.

Happy weekend everyone!

sleepy

that's how I've been feeling since we returned for our mini holiday in Tobermory... we had an awesome time and it felt so great to be sleeping in a tent, waking up and starting our day slowly chilling out by a nice warm fire to dry out the mornings dew.

but I'm sleepy... falling asleep on the couch at night and that yummy kind of slumber that you don't want to get up from in the morning.

luckily this is a short week for me again and then I have the yoga retreat this weekend... so hopefully more of the same slumber, early morning sunshine and lots of yogahhhhhh :-)

I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the counting and such as we wait to see if AF will appear again this month... feeling a sense of hope but hoping if she does I won't fall apart with disappointment. Seeing the 'o' day fall on CD 16 vs the other months of CD 21 and 23 just seems to hold so much promise and excitement for a successful month and finally our own BFP!

on pregnant little sister news... they are having a boy... I feel a little relieved somehow that it's a boy and not a girl... I guess I'm hoping for a girl and at least she hasn't taken that away... does that make sense? She called to tell me on Monday and through the conversation she also filled me in on her plan for the winter semester... she's going to take about a week - week and a half off when the baby arrives and then go right back to class... I think she said she was going to take 3 classes that semester. Little sister tags/posts are here if you care to catch up on the drama. lol

haircut tonight, acupuncture tomorrow and yogahhhh on friday... keeping things pretty mellow and zen so far as to ward off any stress that might get in the way of our TTC efforts :-)

acupuncture...

hurt like a m.other f**cker (excuse my language) last night and I'm sure it isn't going to get any better tomorrow when I go again or again next Thursday.... I'm assured that this is a good thing as it means the chi is moving and also lots of energy in my abdomen.. woohooo...

i guess it also hurts not only because of the stage in my cycle but some emotional points being hit as well... we actually get a good laugh in as she's putting the needles in and last night my ND promised that I could bring my child to her someday and she'd fill them in on all the craziness their mom went through just to have them! LOL

I'm feeling giddy with optimism this month... everything on so many levels is just going really well and timing with our sometimes crazy schedules is working out well too... 3 day weekend... 3 day week this week (yeah tomorrow is my Friday), extra long weekend of camping this weekend and then a 4 day work week with a yoga retreat weekend to cap things off... if that can't keep me mellow who know if it is even possible. :-)

I'm off to a nice sweat inducing yoga class tonight and then home to do a little work and relax with Daytona.... my DH is off on another wed. night dive tonight... which always makes him very happy :-) yeah! he's also diving one afternoon this weekend while we're away camping. After dive season is out of the way and no more wed. night dives I'm going to stay for an extra yoga class on wed. nights... yoga to nurture! I can't wait!

My Hopes for 2009 - revisited (again)

... to figure out why we haven't conceived and take steps to make sure we do sooner then later

YES! YES! YES! finally got my scared ass self and my husband into the fertility clinic and the SA out of the way. Also of course got my ov watch and have an HSG scheduled for October 8th... after that we'll take the next step based on the results. But I have to admit that a little tiny piece of me is really hoping we get the BFP before the HSG... which would mean we'd have a due date very early in June! How wonderful would that be not to have to sweat it out pregnant in July & August... of course I'd take a pregancy either way.

... to continue my new marketing efforts with my small biz and keep saving for the new camera body and macbook I want to add to my equipment.

Marketing efforts are going better this last month or so then ever before after a seminar I attended last week really got me moving and working on my business.... the photography side of things anyways... the web stuff seems to trickle in all on its own. I've bought a new lens so far with my sights on another new lens next or macbook and then lens... I'm still undecided but the point is I know money is coming in and it is possible!!!!

... to keep up with my yoga practice at home as well as the two classes/week

YES! I am hitting the hard/sweaty yoga classes now vs the foundation classes and making it on average 3 times a week whenever possible.... however the fertility yoga dvd doesn't get much use at home... I prefer to be in the studio with a class.

... to make a daily walk with Daytona just part of my routine

FAIL... EPIC FAIL... but he is getting in really great runs a couple times a week at the dog park.... I still want to make a walk a daily in our lives though :-( I feel quilt enough as it is.

... to read and finish the book on procrastination I rec'd from my sweet husband

yeah... ahhhhhh NO... this book should have been purchased on CD or itunes as I have not picked it up since I updated in April... it has however made it to my bedside table... as if that matters! LOL

... do the work involved in completing "F.ast Tr.ack Photo.grapher" and do it well as to make the most of what is left of the year.

stalled on that too... I have great ideas that are in the works and I feel as though they need my attention at the moment... what I have learned so far has been good though and I will be finishing this book and the work surrounding it.

... to arrive to work on time, make that before 8:30 not at 8:30

overall... success... I slip now and then but I don't think it is anything to complain about

... to continue planning our weekly dinners/lunches, shopping with a list for the week ahead and eating dinner at the table with my most awesome husband

this is pretty much in the bag but if we slip at the beginning of the week it's a slippery slope for the remainder of the week and we both know it so we try very hard to stick to it. the fall and new starts always seems to focus us so we'll be working hard this month and next to get through a very busy fall without loosing the progress we've both made this year.

... do my bookkeeping for 2009 to date... I refuse to left another year pass without getting a hold of this and rushing to get it all done 2 weeks before the deadline! I've set my iCal to have the first 1/2 of '09 done by June 30.

yeah this is still on my iCal of things to do... I swear I will be finishing my bookkeeping and get it up to date this fall so I won't be scambling come April with the last minute crunch. no way in hell am I going to do it again. I've pushed the notice for it to be done back to November as Sept/Oct. are always crazy busy and I'm hoping November is full of photo shoots too... so far I have 2 scheduled!



Original post here (01/2009)

taking another look (4/23/09)

very interesting....

so it's month three using the ov watch and look at this.....

cycle 1 - O, CD 21

cycle 2 - O, CD 23

cycle 3 - O, CD 16!!!!!!!!! WTF!

CD 16 isn't that when most normal women ovulate? or close to it anyways. I couldn't believe it when I saw my wrist the other morning... I was sitting up all sleepy and trying to wake up enough to say good bye to my DH and give him a kiss and then I caught out the corner of my eye that the watch looked like it had more writing up then the typical NF it has been displaying night after night... FERTILE DAY 1... holy crap! Window had opened!!!

I emailed my Naturopath and she thought that was awesome and to keep up the good work... uh oh... you mean the eating healthier and getting in lots of yoga is probably what did this?! Nothing better then a complete shift in your cycle to keep you on track!

I should mention too that I've been doing contrast showers... which yes totally freaked me out in the beginning but its kinda routine now and helps me shake off the morning fog and get going. What's a contrast shower you ask???? I take my usual shower temperature and then when I'm done, knock it down to a colder temp. I nice catch your breath in your throat cold and make sure I get a good 30+ seconds on my neck and chest... which I guess is helping with my thyroid?! Even though testing came back normal for my thyroid my ND still wants to see a better number over all and this is suppose to help along with the better eating and sweating I've been doing and holy crap it must be working cause that O day is a dramatically different this month.

Off to get poked by some needles after work and then some other poking a little later tonight LMAO... yes I went there... sorry! haha

content

to elaborate a little on my last post....

since we have been to the fertility clinic we have found a groove, a sense of peace with this TTC stuff that can make a women mad and her sweet husband run for cover. I feared that appointment for so long but after we got past that hump of that first consultation and decided what we wanted to do next TTC hasn't been so present in our minds... we know DH has slow swimmers (take TCM supplements... check) and we know I have an HSG (scheduled...Oct. 8th 1pm.... check)... so we're just kind of moseying along until it is time to make another decision. But just having made those first couple of steps has brought us together. we're no longer fighting to understand each other and what's going on with our bodies at this point.

We're on board for the TTC journey together, for the first time. The ov watch has taken the stress out of the timing, the fertility clinic has helped us decide what we wanted to do next with giving us options and so now we just live life. Wanting a child of our own is still there, present in our minds with those we see around us everyday but just kind of accepting and knowing we'll get there eventually making one decision at a time.

I'm sure it's a whole mish mash of things that has brought us to this point.... but it feels so good to be here in a place where we can still live life and hope it strong and we're content with where we are right now at this point in our lives.

eye twitch

... could it be a sign? LOL

It has been one hell of a week but not a bad week.

Cleaned apartment up after the guy who rented it for 4 months left on Monday afternoon... OMG people... gross! Two evenings of cleaning, watching the walls even (thank goodness it's a small bach. apt.) and now it is ready for another student who will be with us for 8 months. Who started moving in yesterday! woohoo!

I attended an awesome seminar in Vaughan, ON on Wednesday night all about bellies & babies photography which I'm most passionate about and since then I have booked a baby's first year client!!! (it has been longer then I'd like to admit since having one of these types of clients) And finally starting to put some marketing things into action that I've been dragging my ass on for far too long... September is always a super busy month for me and I just seem to make it busier and busier but I'm having fun so why not!

But this eye twitch I've got happening is driving me a little batty... my right eye lid just twitches now and then and it's irritating as hell. I think I'm going to have to rest my eyes for the better part of the weekend but I don't know that my brain ort my to do list will let me.

on the TTC front we've just been waiting for the ov watch to say 'go'... LOL it's everything else though that has most definatly been keeping our minds off TTC and the lack of a BFP thus far in our lives. Over all...we're a pretty content couple and it feels great!