Thursday, April 2

last chance for '09

so this month the window is looming and I'm feeling optimistic... if we where to conceive this month I'd be looking for that BFP on my 31st birthday... yeah I know... its going to be hard not to get my hopes up AND a Christmas delivery. This is the last chance for a 2009 baby.

Turning 30 wasn't such a big deal but I worry what my 31st birthday and no baby news would send me into a tail spin if I'm not careful. As my husband has said... he's not done trying yet. So I will keep on going and if we aren't lucky this month I'm going to buy an ov watch with birthday money. And then we'll see how many months without a positive I can stand before I put my foot down and go to the doctor to get some testing started. My naturopath has been so supportive as she and her husband tried for two years as well. We'll hit the 2 year mark this September.

I flip flop on getting the testing started just about every other day. Part of me is really afraid I will need some kind of lap surgery or tube "blow out" to get pregnant... and I'm not sure where that comes from since my own mother didn't have any issues conceiving. Then there is the side of me that says no don't call the doctor yet... they're just going to tell you to loose weight. I don't know how I've come to associate my ability to conceive with my weight... I guess other then my husband I don't have anyone in my family that gets what I'm going through. Then I have been encouraged by some to just gets started with the testing sooner then later... but here's the thing... going down the infertility treatment road is expensive and right now there is no room in the budget for these types of treatments... so maybe I'm avoiding the fertility dr's because I really don't want to know just yet that we are going to need there help.

oh geessssss I'm a bit of mess today I guess, rambling away. Just in my head at least... otherwise I've been feeling pretty good overall.

off to yoga tonight, massage on saturday and acupuncture next week.


Christy said...

Have you tried an OPK? I have one that I bought and don't need, I could send it to you!!

Malinda said...

Thank you Christy...

I've done it all... OPK, saliva scope, temping, checking CM, fertile aid supplements, traditional chinese medecine, reflexology....counseling.... this is sounding worse and worse!

I know I'm ovulating because I have a very regular cycle. but that doesn't mean that either a. tubes are blocked or b. male factor.... that's why I'm struggling with whether or not its time to do some tests.

IVF Girl said...

I find your comment above interesting about losing weight to get pregnant. I always thought I needed to gain weight to get pregnant. I gained the weight and no pregnancy. I'm pretty sure weight doesn't matter that much. :) But its interesting that we both think it does.

Malinda said...

ivf Girl ...its very interesting that we both think it does but on the opposite side of the fence... women are so hard on themselves!