stuck...

I was late this morning due to weather... AGAIN and it just makes me realize how much I really don't want to be at this job.... I was called into the office by my boss shortly after I got here and right away I said sorry I was stuck behind the blows on the highway... well that wasn't good enough... the response went something like "well we start here at 8:30 and you where late yesterday too"... it wasn't the main reason she called me in... she wanted to see if there was anything else for this big meeting that she needed to take over to the other building blah blah blah.... no there wasn't I made sure everything was done and ready for her and everyone elses presentations that they put in my lap yesterday was DONE before I went home.

okay people here's the thing... I'm on SALARY! Yes I'm here from 8;30 to 4:30pm but if I stay late to complete something... that time that I've given isn't recognized or considered when I'm 15 minutes late the next day... just really set my morning off on the wrong foot. I thought I was doing pretty good at handling my job that I don't love and just smiling at boss lady and agreeing and getting all the stuff done and managed but I think I was wrong... what if I can't get pregnant because of this job... because of the stress I feel working here, and the stress of not being able to find a different job.

It's not a good time to be looking for a job... I keep thinking that I don't want to be the newest person on the hire list in case I would end up being the first to be let go. Just to hang on to this job until we do get pregnant so I can take my mat leave and run... run as fast as I can back to full-time self-employment with the cushion of mat leave to work at building things up again. But what if this job is keeping me from that dream... what if even if I get pregnant this job puts so much stress on me that something goes terribly wrong.... this is how my mind works... I need to get out of me head!

Today I just feel so stuck.