My Easter puppy. This was taken our first Easter with Daytona and his big ears where flip flopping everywhere!
Happy Easter Everyone!
Tuesday, March 30
Tuesday, March 23
Daytona Tuesday
This is generally where you'll find Daytona after my husband has gotten out of bed. Daytona and I REALLY really like our sleep time. Isn't he freakin' cute?!
Monday, March 22
oh fuck
I just got a call... you know from the gf you haven't heard from in years but you use to share everything and she was your bff once upon a time and you did absolutely everything together and all you needed to decide friday after school was who's house you'd spend the weekend at.... but one day after a whole bunch of days that turned into months and years you hardly know what brought you together to begin with and the only time she calls is to share news.
I guess I knew it was coming... I knew that eventually it would probably be time for them to start their family. But I can't help but wonder why she called me... why she'd feel the need to share it with me when so much distance, so much of our lives have been on paths thousand of miles away emotionally. I'd probably do the same thing, she's 5 months, wanted to tell me for awhile but life gets in the way but she wanted me to know before he arrived.. a boy, due July. And then it takes all my strength to talk sweetly and excitedly and ask questions and to share. But I can't share everything, I can't rain on her parade. After all it's really always been about her... it's why we've drifted apart, I grew too tired to keep shining the light on her and her life.
I want to tell her how much I'm hurting. Confide in her what I've actual had to endure while she wasn't even thinking about babies and getting pregnant but what would be the point. Another milestone in our lives that she can probably never appreciate or know how to acknowledge what is my life and my reality. How can I expect her to do it today when she hasn't been able to do it since our friendship started 24 years ago.
'I'm on the right'
Off to our first high school Christmas formal
we both had dates but this shot was just for the two of us
Gr. 10 - 1993
I guess I knew it was coming... I knew that eventually it would probably be time for them to start their family. But I can't help but wonder why she called me... why she'd feel the need to share it with me when so much distance, so much of our lives have been on paths thousand of miles away emotionally. I'd probably do the same thing, she's 5 months, wanted to tell me for awhile but life gets in the way but she wanted me to know before he arrived.. a boy, due July. And then it takes all my strength to talk sweetly and excitedly and ask questions and to share. But I can't share everything, I can't rain on her parade. After all it's really always been about her... it's why we've drifted apart, I grew too tired to keep shining the light on her and her life.
I want to tell her how much I'm hurting. Confide in her what I've actual had to endure while she wasn't even thinking about babies and getting pregnant but what would be the point. Another milestone in our lives that she can probably never appreciate or know how to acknowledge what is my life and my reality. How can I expect her to do it today when she hasn't been able to do it since our friendship started 24 years ago.
'I'm on the right'Off to our first high school Christmas formal
we both had dates but this shot was just for the two of us
Gr. 10 - 1993
I'm sorry, it wasn't all bad... we shared so much and I guess I just wish she was one of those friends I could count on today but she's not. So tonight I'm reminded of just how grateful I am for all of you and for the handful of friends I have in my life today that would do all those things you hope a best friend would do. And I'll wait to send the email to tell her how painful it has been to wait so long to become a mom but rest assured I will tell her someday.. I'll tell her when I call to share my own news...
just waiting...
waiting for AF to show up and we can get this IUI show on the road...
although I have to admit that a tiny part of me would love to tell the story of how we where just about to do IUI and only BD'ed once before I left to visit my sister and meet my nephew and BAM we got pregnant... wouldn't that just be a great story?! Too bad the likelihood of that happening are pretty freakin' slim.
on CD 21 so I think AF should be here in another week or so and then it's hello Wandy! lol
although I have to admit that a tiny part of me would love to tell the story of how we where just about to do IUI and only BD'ed once before I left to visit my sister and meet my nephew and BAM we got pregnant... wouldn't that just be a great story?! Too bad the likelihood of that happening are pretty freakin' slim.
on CD 21 so I think AF should be here in another week or so and then it's hello Wandy! lol
Tuesday, March 16
Daytona Tuesday
Since I'm here visiting my sister I figured I'd include their pup instead of Daytona this week.
His name is Henry and he's only 8 months but he's a solid stubborn typical golden retreiver of 65 lbs so far. lol try moving that when he decides he doesn't want to get off the bed or couch.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
His name is Henry and he's only 8 months but he's a solid stubborn typical golden retreiver of 65 lbs so far. lol try moving that when he decides he doesn't want to get off the bed or couch.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, March 14
My little sister is a mom
I am in awe of my little sister and how great she is doing. I think she may have found her grounded-ness in motherhood.
I can't really explain it but watching her earlier today with him I completely see myself, the mother I expect I would / will be and I've always thought of us as such opposites but the gap is smaller today then I could ever have imagined.
I promise to share some of my professional photos later this week.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I can't really explain it but watching her earlier today with him I completely see myself, the mother I expect I would / will be and I've always thought of us as such opposites but the gap is smaller today then I could ever have imagined.
I promise to share some of my professional photos later this week.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, March 12
Upgraded!
So far so good and I haven't even left Ontario yet!
It's yuck rain down here today but when I arrived at economy park n fly I was told it was full but here's a free upgrade for VALET... thank you very much park n fly!
As I was getting closer and closer to Toronto it is starting to hit me that there really is this new little person that I just can't wait to meet. That I'm actually finally on my way and the 7/8 week wait for this day is in it's final hours. Tonight it'll be TO to Ottawa and Ottawa to Halifax to be greeted by my friend and practiacally big sister before we set out on a road trip for Freder.icton tomorrow. It's going to be a great trip... probably to fast and sorta busy but will feel better then just a couple days off.
Waited for the doctor yesterday for 80 minutes. He delivered twins that afternoon so he was running behind schedule. Every woman in that place was pregnant (even the nurse practitioner following him around) but I did great.
He was very encouraging that IUI would be the way to go and I'm feeling excited and more confident that 2010 really does hold so much hope for us to finally be able to let the world know it's our turn and we're gonna have a baby!!
Happy weekend everyone! And thank you for reminding me to turn to Twitter and this blog when I might need you most this weekend. Just knowing there are people out there that get how difficult this could makes it a thousand times easier :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
It's yuck rain down here today but when I arrived at economy park n fly I was told it was full but here's a free upgrade for VALET... thank you very much park n fly!
As I was getting closer and closer to Toronto it is starting to hit me that there really is this new little person that I just can't wait to meet. That I'm actually finally on my way and the 7/8 week wait for this day is in it's final hours. Tonight it'll be TO to Ottawa and Ottawa to Halifax to be greeted by my friend and practiacally big sister before we set out on a road trip for Freder.icton tomorrow. It's going to be a great trip... probably to fast and sorta busy but will feel better then just a couple days off.
Waited for the doctor yesterday for 80 minutes. He delivered twins that afternoon so he was running behind schedule. Every woman in that place was pregnant (even the nurse practitioner following him around) but I did great.
He was very encouraging that IUI would be the way to go and I'm feeling excited and more confident that 2010 really does hold so much hope for us to finally be able to let the world know it's our turn and we're gonna have a baby!!
Happy weekend everyone! And thank you for reminding me to turn to Twitter and this blog when I might need you most this weekend. Just knowing there are people out there that get how difficult this could makes it a thousand times easier :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 10
i think i'm ok
...my husband is more then a little worried about me going to visit my little sister and meet my new and one and only nephew. He has every right to be worried as it's been him who's had to pick me up off the floor on those absolutely awful days when someone else's news of a baby has left me a sobbing puddle of tears. Not that it's happened a lot but when if you're been reading for a while you know that I cut my sister off for awhile... deleted her from my FB friends list and hadn't talked to her in a handful of months.
I can't say I'm 100% sure I will get through this without shedding a tear but I hope it will be more happy tears then sad. Having my "practically" big sister there will also help ease me into this visit as she'll be with me the first couple of days and then it'll be 1.5 days and I'll be back on a plane for home. And when it's photo shoot time for the pictures that will include all three of them together I'm pretty confident my artists/photo business side will click in and take over the session.
I wish I had a refuge to escape if I need to but I don't really have anyone in the area I could call on for help in order to slip away from it all. So I must keep my head above water and stay positive that this trip will be better then I could expect and I will survive it all.
3 more sleeps!
I can't say I'm 100% sure I will get through this without shedding a tear but I hope it will be more happy tears then sad. Having my "practically" big sister there will also help ease me into this visit as she'll be with me the first couple of days and then it'll be 1.5 days and I'll be back on a plane for home. And when it's photo shoot time for the pictures that will include all three of them together I'm pretty confident my artists/photo business side will click in and take over the session.
I wish I had a refuge to escape if I need to but I don't really have anyone in the area I could call on for help in order to slip away from it all. So I must keep my head above water and stay positive that this trip will be better then I could expect and I will survive it all.
3 more sleeps!
Tuesday, March 9
Daytona Tuesday
Daytona does an excellent job of keeping our floors clean of any pieces of food that might fall from the counters. Here he is Thanksgiving '09 watching my MIL clean off the bird for turkey soup. Look at that poise! Do you think it's possible his staring could burn a hole into something?! LOL Every now and then he'll adjust his sit and move a little just to make sure you know he's still there... in case you can't actually feel his stare.
doctor on Thursday now...
I'm feeling a little "why the hell am I going?" now that I've finally spoken to the fertility clinic and they told me not to worry... no clomid this month and again next is fine. We'll be giving an IUI a go + clomid in April so back to see Wandy I go! great.
So is there anything I should be asking the doctor about? Maybe some other tests we might run in the meantime? Hoping to get some feedback on our possible success with IUI... I know he can't get my hopes up be considering what we know now I guess I'd just like some comfort in knowing this is the best root for us to go with next.
Acupuncture tonight and tomorrow to see if we can make ovulation happen right around or before CD 11 when I leave for NB and won't be home until CD 15... not great timing on my part for this trip but whatever... it is what it is. Maybe I'm suppose to get knocked up in April and it's my birthday gift! An infertile girl can hope right?!
So is there anything I should be asking the doctor about? Maybe some other tests we might run in the meantime? Hoping to get some feedback on our possible success with IUI... I know he can't get my hopes up be considering what we know now I guess I'd just like some comfort in knowing this is the best root for us to go with next.
Acupuncture tonight and tomorrow to see if we can make ovulation happen right around or before CD 11 when I leave for NB and won't be home until CD 15... not great timing on my part for this trip but whatever... it is what it is. Maybe I'm suppose to get knocked up in April and it's my birthday gift! An infertile girl can hope right?!
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