I feel an slight sense of anxiety about our trip east.. and what am i so anxious about... having not lost some weight before we go... so f**k stupid but for some reason I'm mentally beating myself up about not putting in a proper effort to shed some pounds before our holidays. but yet i don't feel anxious enough to be spurred on into action.or maybe its just that I feel too overwhelmed by it... probably a little of both.

one more night alone and then Jamie is home again... can't wait... off to the cottage tomorrow night!! YEAH!! (and a little nah... I've just been so self conscience lately and I feel like even my dad and step mom are watching me, watching with i eat, how I look, how I'm feelin' - dad knows I'm seeing a therapist) thinks just feel different... part of me wants to just be at home and alone but i know i should be with family and I know i will have fun once we are there and I want to be there but don't

urg