Wednesday, July 2

oh the weekend how I miss thee...

this weekend was good and bad. good because my gf came to visit me who I haven't seen since October but bad because I just felt like I was waiting for Monday. our employer didn't do the day swamp so we worked monday and had tuesday off. whatever...worked out for dh and I cause he was at a course sat/sun/mon. and still had tuesday off so we got the day together. I slept in and we did very little work outside and then pretty much just chilled out for the afternoon and evening.

I just came in from a short lunch break outside and the person who deals with the benefits decided to add her 2 cents "its just a job... its funny just laugh!" she was referring to what I told her last week. I'm going to see a psychologist tomorrow and I was just confirming what was or wasn't covered by our benefits package. I have coverage of 80%/visit up to $500/yr. She seemed concerned (aka nosy) and I just fluffed off her concern saying I just wanted to talk to someone about how to deal with working at this place and then she pops out with that today. whatever... I figure I might as well take hold of the benefits while I've got them. I want to talk about my mother, wanting to conceive, my emotional eating/weight, my job, leaving my shit job.

"its just a job" - see that's just it for most people it is just a job but I want so much more out of my career, out of an employer... a little respect and acknowledgment can go a long way and my wages and the treatment I get here don't reflect my value to the company. I feel like I've been beat down by my employer and the confidence and ambition I once had for my small business is dwindling FAST. That was always our plan... work to get the house and then start the family and get that first mat and never go back.

As for the job interview I had almost 2 weeks ago I still have no news. I'm hoping to hear something this week though... however I'm still on the fence about wanting it. Not sure the job/pay and added expenses outweigh getting the hell out of here right now. I have benefits, no I don't make great money, but I have an RRSP contribution, the odd $200 bonus, almost a weeks+ holidays at christmas and finally as of July 25 I've earned 3 weeks vacation for the coming year instead of 2. And I just feel like if I could just get pregnant and get a mat leave out of them I would be done with this company.

Food so far,
b: watermelon
l: leftover sausage/peppers + pasta, raspberries
s: nectarine


Cat_82 said...

Yikes! I know how it feels to be miserable with your job, and honestly, sometimes taking a pay cut is worth it.

I talk to a therapist (she's actually a clinical counsellor) regularly and it really helps me. It helps me feel like....I'm not 'strange' for feeling the way I feel, and that I'm not alone. It's strange, because so many people have issues with therapy, but when you find the right 'fit' with a therapist, they understand you and make you feel like it's a 'real' thing you're going through, and it's not your fault.

Hope you feel better once you talk to someone. The first visit is the hardest one. I cried like a baby during my first session.

Cat_82 said...

I think I may have erased my last comment....