I have a headache! you know the kind you get after a really good cry?!
after my first session with psychologist (actually clinical counselor or something but I get the receipt that allows me to write off 80% for benefits when she contracts from the psychologists office) I decided to head to the waterfront to just chill and regroup before making my way back to work. I did pretty good today, got a lot out about what has been going on in the last 10+ years that has brought me to being who and where I am today. I don't know why so many tears... is it just admitting to someone else what you think or how you feel, being allowed to say things you might never have allowed yourself to say before and say them out loud... I cried but I also wanted to keep talking to get my $140 bucks worth LMAO.. I feel good. I feel like I've started down a path that I probably should have started awhile ago but maybe I wasn't quite ready. I have another session on Tuesday morning since the job issue is pressing and although I don't know if I have the job offer or not I do need to work on how to not pick up my boss's triggers so easily and I think in turn that is going to keep me from doing the same with my mom... a whole other story in itself.
so my homework before then?
to make a list of things I love to do, that are for me and about me that make my "heart sing"...
quickly off the top of my head... here we go.
1. photographing people, especially women - love it when a woman leaves my home studio feeling on top of the world beautiful because of the pictures I've taken
2. being with my husband, day trips together, laughing together
3. being with my dad
4. downtime just to be alone and quite
5. hatha yoga - use to go to one yoga studio all the time but haven't found something I love now that that place has closed. And driving 30 minutes between cities with gas prices right now keeps me from going to a class...wish I could find something that started just after 5pm so I could do a class then head home
6. dancing - i danced for 14 of my first 17 years (tap, jazz & ballet) and use to just love it but feel intimidated by the schools here and uninspired by the caliber of classes available for adults