Tuesday, July 21

CD 28 - 7 DPO

For some reason my mind kept wandering to home pregnancy tests yesterday and trying to visualize what it would look like to take that elusive HPT and get a positive result... it just feels like such an unattainable thing at times, most of the time... as though how is it possible that this could happen to us, for us...

It's feels like winning the lottery... maybe you play but still hold out little hope that you could win that big jackpot. getting pregnant just seems so foreign... like a lottery that I couldn't possibly hope to win or a place I can't see, or ever hope to visit. In this journey of TTC there have been more and more people around me now more then ever getting pregnant, announcing their good news, hearing about so and so is now pregnant too... and then you realize that you've been trying much longer then so and so and now she and her husband are almost at the end, waiting for their little one to arrive. Foreign!

I can picture what we'll be like as parents, the excitement of waiting for them to arrive, watching my belly grow, sharing the news with family & friends, I can picture walks along the waterfront with stroller or sling, weekends with my dad and step mom, the shock of sleepless nights, walking to the nursery to check on our sweet pea, tears, diaper changes, my sweet husband and baby fast asleep on the couch, I can see so much of what having a child will probably be for us but I can't get my mind wrapped around the actual HPT giving me a positive. I can picture it all except that leap from not pregnant to pregnant is too far for me to jump.

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