Here I am 2010... let's go!

I can't honestly say that I've attacked the new year like I have so many times in the past... perhaps that's just because I've realized that my expectations and goals are always way too high and failure comes sometime before Valentine's day.

So this year I'm going to just continue on this journey learning and growing and making small changes one step at a time.

This year will involve more on the TTC discovery path as we'll be taking on our first clomid cycle just as soon as AF shows up again.. and yes I expect her too cause I'm pretty sure we won't get knocked up by some miracle. We both have been so exhausted for the last month or so and the disappointment has taken it's toll... so last month we was a wash and I'm ok with that... sometimes you just need a month off. Of course now my thoughts are on 2010 and if, if, if... if we get pregnant this month or that one we'll have our baby here with us by next Christmas.

Christmas was a quite one which we both appreciated. We spent time tucked away at my dad and step mom's place and relaxed and watched lots of movies and made great dinners together. I could feel my heart was heavy but I just refused to give that pain too much attention. I'm holding onto a lot of hope that a baby is in our future and we're closer then we have ever been before.

Usually a new year has always involved some sort of weight loss goal but I'm realizing for me it's not about the scale or a dress size at this point. I'm an emotional eater and I'm taking steps very slowly towards what I know I need to do in order to break these harmful habits.